Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to the school re. this

196 replies

peaches99 · 18/07/2020 17:33

Name changed for this one, its a bit outing. My dd of 14 has been very bored during lockdown (just like most of us). She has been wanting to experiment with her hair, and I have let her........to a degree!
She even said she wanted to shave her head at one point; yes right, over my dead body!
She has been staying at her friends for a few days, and guess what, she walked in with a totally shaved head!!!
It was such a shock, after questioning it appears that she has been chatting to some of her male friends from her school about this. When she stayed with her friend they met these boys at the park, and one of them took along his clippers and shaved her head!
I am distraught, surely this is not allowed, she is 14.
Please help me, does anyone of you know if I can speak to the school re. this?

OP posts:
BiBabbles · 18/07/2020 19:54

I know several girls who've shaved their heads, my own daughter included. I have no idea of any of their sexualities, mostly cause they're all 13 or younger, but with my DD it was because it 'just seemed like fun' and she was fed up with dealing with her hair. She's kept it for those reasons and she's noticed far fewer people call her "mini-[dd1]" when she has very short hair. That's it.

And yes to all the comments about sun cream, I'm reminded of when my part got burnt when I was a teenager and it was awful, I can imagine the whole head would be so much worse...

LucyTamedOgres · 18/07/2020 19:55

OP, I absolutely understand how you must have been shocked and upset by this. Can’t understand the pp’s stating, it’s. Just. Hair. Really? If your child, and she is still a child walked in with shaved hair, you’d be TOTALLY cool with it? Really? Not upset in the slightest?

I dyed my hair jet black age 14 almost 15. My Mum didn’t try to stop me, I really wish she had, was an absolute pita shifting it! Then again, I probably would have rebelled and done it anyway at my friends house.

Have a Wine and Flowers OP and hope the shock will wear off soon.

Comefromaway · 18/07/2020 19:58

Loads of teens have shaved their heads during lockdown.

One of ds’s teachers (she’s 70 years old and wonderful) told her class that if anyone wanted to rebel and do something to themselves then they should do it to their hair as it’s temporary and will grow back rather than tattoos or piercings.

ECBC · 18/07/2020 19:59

If you are cross at anyone it should be your daughter not the random boy. He didn’t do it against her will. She knew you had said no already

sage46 · 18/07/2020 20:01

Try reverse psychology and tell her on second thoughts you think its great and that you are thinking about shaving your own head!

LucyTamedOgres · 18/07/2020 20:02

@sage46 great idea Grin Ask the boy with the clippers to do it, see if he dares cross the threshold.

RoseTintedAtuin · 18/07/2020 20:02

Whilst unsettling I’m sure in a few years time when she’s older it will become one of your family’s funny stories about how she rebelled against you.
And hopefully it will have grown back somewhat before school starts but will still teach her about consequences

Elastins · 18/07/2020 20:06

OP, I absolutely understand how you must have been shocked and upset by this. Can’t understand the pp’s stating, it’s. Just. Hair. Really? If your child, and she is still a child walked in with shaved hair, you’d be TOTALLY cool with it? Really? Not upset in the slightest?

Nope. If it had come completely out of the blue I’d be surprised, but the “I want to shave my head” conversation would have gone completely differently here and probably would have ended up with me gleefully doing it for her 🤷🏻‍♀️. At 14, hair is one of the best things to experiment with! Way better than ink, alcohol, drugs, or sex. I’d have been far more concerned with who did it and where she’d been, than a short hair cut that grows back. I certainly wouldn’t give a crap that she didn’t save any of it.

Also, at 14, I’m not really on board with the ‘still a child’ rhetoric. Not an adult certainly, but not an 8 year old either and on the sliding scale of control vs independence this is firmly weighted on the ‘independence’ end of the scale.

BiBabbles · 18/07/2020 20:13

If your child, and she is still a child walked in with shaved hair, you’d be TOTALLY cool with it?

My DS shaved half his head when he was 11. I was more concerned that he was upset that his grandparents' didn't like it (did it at their house) and why he did it (he'd had some horrible remarks about having long hair & I worried this was a reaction that). I asked him why and he just wanted to be cool and be seen as a cool guy. It never occured to me to be upset about the hair. Since then, I've shaved 3 out of my 4 kids, including my younger daughter. If they got someone else to do it, I wouldn't have an issue as long as it didn't cause trouble with the school, it would just be one less job for me.

I can see it being a shock, but yes, it is just hair and unlike hair dye where we're risking an allergic reaction or other issue like major hair breakage and how long it may take it come out, there isn't really anything of risk here other not liking it. It will grow back and that's all that can be done now. Finding a way to relax is likely the best bet.

PurpleFlower1983 · 18/07/2020 20:14

It’s a shame you didn’t encourage her to donate her hair if she really did fancy having it shaved. Charities make wigs for children with cancer etc.

lillylemons · 18/07/2020 20:15

talk to the school for what reason? You dd wanted to shave her head and she got someone to help her i see no reason to talk to the school.

crimsonlake · 18/07/2020 20:15

On what planet does the school come in to this??
Your daughter is totally and utterly to blame and if you want to blame someone else try blaming yourself instead of the school.

Suzie6789 · 18/07/2020 20:17

Is she a lesbian
Why can only lesbians have shaved heads?

donquixotedelamancha · 18/07/2020 20:18

I would not let her do it

May I ask why peaches? What is the problem with having a shaved head?

Really? If your child, and she is still a child walked in with shaved hair, you’d be TOTALLY cool with it? Really? Not upset in the slightest?

I've been trying to persuade 6YO Dd to go shaved for months- I bloody hate brushing hair and hers is down to her bum.

MorganKitten · 18/07/2020 20:20

Perhaps I am looking for someone to blame, and I suppose it wasnt on school grounds.

Erm... your daughter, she wanted it done and did it!

It’ll grown back, and it’s aren’t that that expensive.

Sometimeswinning · 18/07/2020 20:21

As someone who had her haircuts controlled when I was 13 (took over when I was 14!) I've always let mine choose their hairstyles from 6/7. No crazy choices yet but it's their choice to make! It grows back!

formerbabe · 18/07/2020 20:21

I've been trying to persuade 6YO Dd to go shaved for months- I bloody hate brushing hair and hers is down to her bum

Wow. I hope you're joking and you're not really trying to persuade your dd to do such a thing because you can't be arsed to brush her hair. There is a middle ground between a shaved head and hair down to her bum.

Elastins · 18/07/2020 20:22

I've been trying to persuade 6YO Dd to go shaved for months- I bloody hate brushing hair and hers is down to her bum
That would drive me batty. My 7YO boy has let me put zigzags in his no.2 through lockdown.

NiceTwin · 18/07/2020 20:23

It'll grow by the time they go back.

My dd shaved hers at the start of lockdown. She rocked the look , if school would allow it that short she would keep it that short.

You should applaud her for walking her own path, rather than conforming to the long straight hair that every teenage girl seems to have.

formerbabe · 18/07/2020 20:23

Can’t understand the pp’s stating, it’s. Just. Hair. Really? If your child, and she is still a child walked in with shaved hair, you’d be TOTALLY cool with it? Really? Not upset in the slightest

I wouldn't be cool with it...I'd pretend to be ok because in theory I think their hair, their choice. Personally I'd be absolutely gutted and find it upsetting...

AlternativePerspective · 18/07/2020 20:25

My then sixteen year old DS dyed his hair.

I warned him it was a bad idea. Told him not to do it, but he didn’t listen. He paid for the stuff himself and dyed it blonde.

Well that was what he’d meant to dye it. Instead it turned out orange. Grin Grin Grin sometimes kids only learn from experience.....

Sometimeswinning · 18/07/2020 20:27

I've been trying to persuade 6YO Dd to go shaved for months- I bloody hate brushing hair and hers is down to her but.

That would drive me batty. My 7YO boy has let me put zigzags in his no.2 through lockdown

So much control! Back off and leave them to it.

Shizzlestix · 18/07/2020 20:30

I had mine cropped, not shaved but near enough at a similar age. It was very liberating at the time, my hair was a total pita, nobody knew how to deal with it, one hairdresser actually ran away in tears (tight ringlets)

Elastins · 18/07/2020 20:32

You do know barbers were shut during lockdown? His hair needed cutting, I said he could have it short like daddy or a bit longer seeing as I was going to be the one doing the cutting and I’m not a trained barber. He said short, then asked for zigzags and then has let me carry on putting them in right through. No control here. It’s good fun.

donquixotedelamancha · 18/07/2020 20:32

Wow. I hope you're joking and you're not really trying to persuade your dd to do such a thing because you can't be arsed to brush her hair.

Somewhat joking, but I certainly wouldn't have minded if she'd said yes. It's not that I can't be arsed, it's that it constantly gets incredibly tangled because she loves climbing trees and rolling around in grass and she hates having it brushed.

She's finally decided to go for a bob- much more practical.

So much control!

No control. She picks her own hairstyle.