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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To speak to the school re. this

196 replies

peaches99 · 18/07/2020 17:33

Name changed for this one, its a bit outing. My dd of 14 has been very bored during lockdown (just like most of us). She has been wanting to experiment with her hair, and I have let her........to a degree!
She even said she wanted to shave her head at one point; yes right, over my dead body!
She has been staying at her friends for a few days, and guess what, she walked in with a totally shaved head!!!
It was such a shock, after questioning it appears that she has been chatting to some of her male friends from her school about this. When she stayed with her friend they met these boys at the park, and one of them took along his clippers and shaved her head!
I am distraught, surely this is not allowed, she is 14.
Please help me, does anyone of you know if I can speak to the school re. this?

OP posts:

Intelinside57 · 18/07/2020 17:43

Do you mean that it will breach uniform guidelines? If that's the case and she's attending then yes, I'd warn the school, there are only a few days until end of term. If not don't bother about it, it will grow quite a lot by September.

Cabinfever10 · 18/07/2020 17:44

@annie987
Definitely assault in Scotland as that's what the boy who cut my pleat off in class was done with

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 18/07/2020 17:46

Im also confused about what tou want from the school.

What number did they shave it? Explain to school it was done without your knowledge and she will be growing it to their minimum from this point on. But even if it is very very short, it should reach school minimum by September. So dont panic.

Did they force her? Id be ringing the police if she was held down and forced. Not school.

If she was pressured it might be worth mentioning to school when they return to be on the look out for Coercive behaviour.

Mainly, dont Be shouting and screaming and saying it looks awful. Making a 14 yr old girl feel shit about something she cannot do anything about is a quick way to fail at Parenting.

Original poster

peaches99 · 18/07/2020 17:48

Wow, so many answers already. No it definatly was not against her will. Perhaps I am looking for someone to blame, and I suppose it wasnt on school grounds.
I would not let her do it, and this guy did it instead, frankly my first thought was that I wanted his balls for earrings!

OP posts:

Todaywewilldobetter · 18/07/2020 17:48

What do you want school to do? Stick it back on?

marcopront · 18/07/2020 17:49

@peaches99

Wow, so many answers already. No it definatly was not against her will. Perhaps I am looking for someone to blame, and I suppose it wasnt on school grounds. I would not let her do it, and this guy did it instead, frankly my first thought was that I wanted his balls for earrings!

If it wasn't against her will then what are you expecting the school to do?

SionnachRua · 18/07/2020 17:50

So the kid chose to have her head shaved...and of course it isn't your angel's fault, the school or the other kid must be to blame.

I say go for it. If you were a parent at my school we'd all enjoy the laugh at your expense.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 18/07/2020 17:50

[quote Cabinfever10]@annie987
Definitely assault in Scotland as that's what the boy who cut my pleat off in class was done with[/quote]
I assume that wasnt your idea to start with though. We have no idea whether OP's daughter asked the boy to shave her head, in which case its poor judgement perhaps on both parties, but not assault otherwise it would make hairdressing an extremely risky profession!

I cut my hair extremely short (probably 1-2cm long) at about the same age, and cried my eyes out afterwards. God knows what I expected it to look like but it grew back and no harm was done.

Couchbettato · 18/07/2020 17:51

I mean. It's her hair.

Who doesn't go through a phase of wanting to shave their hair off. More power to her for having the confidence to do it.

It will grow back if she doesn't like it, and if she does, then she's going to save a shed load of money on hair care.

labyrinthloafer · 18/07/2020 17:51

I guess your issue then is with her, but imo at 14 she can decide her own hair style.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 18/07/2020 17:51

Cross post, makes my point.

Rover83 · 18/07/2020 17:52

Really the only person you can be angry at is your daughter, assuming the boy did it with her consent. It is only hair and it will grow back, perhaps rather than saying no you could try to consider a compromise next time, she is 14 and knows her own mind.

spreadyourwingsandfly1 · 18/07/2020 17:52

It has nothing to do with the School. She's your child and your responsibility

ChaoticCatling · 18/07/2020 17:53

What's the minimum hair length? Number 3 or something? Wouldn't it have grown enough by September?

Cattiwampus · 18/07/2020 17:54

You have got someone to blame. It’s her responsibility, not the boy who helped her achieve the look she wanted.
Seriously, get your shit together, she’s only 14. You’ve got a rough few years ahead if you, and looking to blame others isn’t a good strategy. Work on your relationship, and your priorities before sex, drugs and tattoos loom large.

Finfintytint · 18/07/2020 17:54

I bet she looks great. I’ve been wanting to do this on lockdown in the absence of hairdressers but my RTC scarred scalp would make me look a bit scary.

Megabitch · 18/07/2020 17:54

It wasn’t in school and your dd wanted it done. It’s not the boys fault. It’s not the schools fault. Your dd obviously has fault in this. But it is mainly your fault because she is a minor and you are legally responsible for her. Your dd is defiant with a lack of respect for you and your requests. I can see why as when she’s gone out and done something like this, you’ve automatically looked to blame anyone but your dd or yourself

Butterbeeeen · 18/07/2020 17:56

If the worst thing your DD does as a teenager is shave her head then you are winning. In the nicest possible way you need to calm down.

NerrSnerr · 18/07/2020 17:56

It's her hair, let her have it how she wants it. It'll grow back (or not if she wants to keep it shaved).

CherieBabySpliffUp · 18/07/2020 17:56

If you're in the UK I would be worried about the lack of social distancing more than the cut itself!

Original poster

peaches99 · 18/07/2020 17:56

Todaywewilldobetter yes I suppose it was a daft comment re. the school.
Interesting that it would be assault in Scotland.
She had such beautiful hair, and she didnt even save any of it

OP posts:

ChaoticCatling · 18/07/2020 17:56

What would you have done if she'd gone to a barber instead? I don't see how it is any different except it was for free.

MiniCooperLover · 18/07/2020 17:56

She's 14, it's her own fault if she doesn't like it and it wasn't against her will. It'll grow

Cabinfever10 · 18/07/2020 17:56

@DanielRicciardosSmile
No it wasn't with permission he was sat behind me in class and thought it would be funny hence assault.
I wasn't saying that op's dd was definitely assaulted but was replying to a pp who said that it might be if she hadn't agreed to it

Stompythedinosaur · 18/07/2020 17:57

Your daughter is absolutely responsible. If it hasn't grown back enough by the start of term I imagine she'll be in isolation at school or not allowed in.

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