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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to the school re. this

196 replies

peaches99 · 18/07/2020 17:33

Name changed for this one, its a bit outing. My dd of 14 has been very bored during lockdown (just like most of us). She has been wanting to experiment with her hair, and I have let her........to a degree!
She even said she wanted to shave her head at one point; yes right, over my dead body!
She has been staying at her friends for a few days, and guess what, she walked in with a totally shaved head!!!
It was such a shock, after questioning it appears that she has been chatting to some of her male friends from her school about this. When she stayed with her friend they met these boys at the park, and one of them took along his clippers and shaved her head!
I am distraught, surely this is not allowed, she is 14.
Please help me, does anyone of you know if I can speak to the school re. this?

OP posts:
ChaoticCatling · 18/07/2020 17:57

You don't need your parents' permission to have a haircut.

NerrSnerr · 18/07/2020 17:58

Interesting that it would be assault in Scotland.

Only if against her will and it doesn't sound like it was considering you already knew she wanted to shave her head!!

Cabinfever10 · 18/07/2020 17:58

@peaches99
Only if it was without her permission I did say that in my 1st post

Newdaynewname1 · 18/07/2020 17:58

She wanted short hair, and she wanted her head to be shaved. Its not your body, and its the school holiday, so not sure what your problem is?

SoupDragon · 18/07/2020 17:59

No it definatly was not against her will. Perhaps I am looking for someone to blame, and I suppose it wasnt on school grounds.

The only person to blame is your DD.

ChangeThePassword · 18/07/2020 17:59

It wouldn't be assault in Scotland. It would only be assault if it was against her will!

I'm not sure why people think she'll regret it. I shaved my head in my twenties and it was great! So easy, no hassle. In fact I'm tempted to do it again.

KitKat1985 · 18/07/2020 18:01

If he shaved her head with her agreement as it was something she wanted to do, rather than because she was being bullied etc, then it's really nothing to do with the school.

I can see why you are upset, but many of us have made bad hair decisions at 14. Take a deep breath. It will grow back.

Pobblebonk · 18/07/2020 18:01

@Cattiwampus

Is it against school rules? In which case, she’ll be suspended until her hair grows a bit, and as the holidays have started, she’s got a few weeks.
Indefinite suspensions are illegal.
Newdaynewname1 · 18/07/2020 18:01

@peaches99 you think her hair was beautiful - your daughter, who has to deal with that hair every day, clearly didn’t agree. She is 14, old enough to decide which kid of hair she wants, and if she wants to deal with long(ish) hair every day. Its not your decision

FeltCarrot · 18/07/2020 18:03

Why was she staying with a friend for a few days? Is there no social distancing where you are?

Newdaynewname1 · 18/07/2020 18:03

I alternate between super short and long hair ( i’m too lazy to keep short hair in shape, so I let it grow out). The relief of having it all off is incredible every time. Its an amazing feeling

OuiOuiKitty · 18/07/2020 18:03

Its all the rage on Tiktok for young ones to shave their heads. It's really not a big deal, it'll grow back. Does she like it? That's all that matters really.

mamaduckbone · 18/07/2020 18:03

It's a shame she didn't keep it if it was long - it could have gone to one of the charities that make wigs for children undergoing chemotherapy.
I think you've probably got the message now that it isn't anything to do with the school.
It'll grow back - and good on her in a way for having the confidence to do it.

Bairnsmum05 · 18/07/2020 18:04

What kind of schools do your kids go to where there are rules about their hair length /style? Kids at my sons school have got all sorts of colours and styles, I'm not aware of any policy. He attends a non denominational secondary school in Scotland.

Original poster
peaches99 · 18/07/2020 18:06

SiannachRua Yes I do understand what you mean.
And perhaps I shouldnt go for it.
Megabitch you are right , I wanted someone to blame, and she is defiant.

OK, I get that I should calm down, I will pour myself a drink......a rather large one!

OP posts:
TimeWastingButFun · 18/07/2020 18:06

Talk to the school as in whether she can attend, do you mean? Surely she only has a few days?
It must have been a shock, but it will grow back. She will probably only do it the once.

Sirzy · 18/07/2020 18:08

So she wanted it shaved, she got it shaved. Your annoyed with the person who did it for her because you didn’t want her to have it shaved so you want to get him in trouble.

She is 14, she is more than old enough to decide how she wants her own hair. It will soon grow back

Pipandmum · 18/07/2020 18:09

Having two teens now this is the least of it. Hair will grow. It's not assault as she wanted it. Expect further actions that you may not agree with - she's growing up and away from you.

Original poster
peaches99 · 18/07/2020 18:09

I obviously read the post about Scotland wrong, apologies.

OP posts:
Yawwwwwwwn · 18/07/2020 18:10

My eldest has had a shaved head multiple times since she was seven.

I believe in bodily autonomy.

Kelsoooo · 18/07/2020 18:11

All this claiming ownership of her body is pretty unpleasant.

How is she supposed to know when she can assert her own boundaries if you keep telling her your say is final?

It's hair. It grows. What does it matter? After everything she's been through this year I don't see why you're calling her defiant for doing what she wanted with her hair. The hair that is on her hair. That she has to maintain, clean, dry. Maybe she doesn't want that ballache.

Why shouldn't she have a shaved head? Plenty of lads do. What's the issue? Not attractive enough for you?

VimFuego101 · 18/07/2020 18:11

@Todaywewilldobetter

What do you want school to do? Stick it back on? Grin
Grin
LadyPenelope68 · 18/07/2020 18:12

Absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the school, you’d just major yourself look stupid contacting them. Why on earth would you contact them?

OverTheRainbow88 · 18/07/2020 18:12

That must have been a shock! If a child parents in my tutor group called me to say that had happened and your DD asked them to do it and had spoken to you about wanting to do it prior to it happening I’m not sure how I would respond. I don’t think it’s a school matter unless it was done without her consent.

RightOnTheEdge · 18/07/2020 18:12

Why was she staying with a friend for a few days? Is there no social distancing where you are?
You are allowed to mix two households and stay overnight now aren't you?

Aw OP I can understand how you feel but it's her hair and it will grow back.
Enjoy your large drink! Grin

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