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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to the school re. this

196 replies

peaches99 · 18/07/2020 17:33

Name changed for this one, its a bit outing. My dd of 14 has been very bored during lockdown (just like most of us). She has been wanting to experiment with her hair, and I have let her........to a degree!
She even said she wanted to shave her head at one point; yes right, over my dead body!
She has been staying at her friends for a few days, and guess what, she walked in with a totally shaved head!!!
It was such a shock, after questioning it appears that she has been chatting to some of her male friends from her school about this. When she stayed with her friend they met these boys at the park, and one of them took along his clippers and shaved her head!
I am distraught, surely this is not allowed, she is 14.
Please help me, does anyone of you know if I can speak to the school re. this?

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 18/07/2020 18:13

Ps I wouldn’t think you would make
Yourself look stupid for contacting me. I’ve never felt that about any reason a parent has contacted me.

Mydogisthebestest · 18/07/2020 18:13

It’s not assault. She wanted it done. And it’s nothing to do with the school.

Apolloanddaphne · 18/07/2020 18:13

I am sure it was a shock to you but it is done now and it will grow in a bit before school returns.

maxdash · 18/07/2020 18:13

If she was held down against her will and her head shaved without her permission then that's assault and you need to speak with the police not the school.

But that's not what happened. She wanted to shave her head so she has. Her hair, her decision.

OverTheRainbow88 · 18/07/2020 18:14

@Stompythedinosaur

She will not be in isolation.
We’ve had a girl student shave her hair in solidarity with another student who lost her hair to chemo.

Redwinestillfine · 18/07/2020 18:14

@OuiOuiKitty

Its all the rage on Tiktok for young ones to shave their heads. It's really not a big deal, it'll grow back. Does she like it? That's all that matters really.
Maybe ban her from tiktok?
Original poster
peaches99 · 18/07/2020 18:16

Kelsoooo actually that is what I am consoling myself with at the moment, she does look quite beautiful, and she has a nice shaped head.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 18/07/2020 18:17

Interesting that it would be assault in Scotland.

Presumably if she asked him to do it then it’s not assault?

m0therofdragons · 18/07/2020 18:17

She’s 14 and trying to shock you. It’s better than drugs or underage sex. I have 3dds and dd2 is the most likely to do this. I don’t really understand the obsession with your child’s hair being what makes her beautiful and such a major thing. You wouldn’t care if your son shaved his head so why does a daughter have to conform?

ThickFast · 18/07/2020 18:18

Also, peaches, be proud of her for being so courageous. Not everyone has the bravery to do something like that at her age, when how you look is so important

Original poster
peaches99 · 18/07/2020 18:20

ThickFast Thank you.

OP posts:
labyrinthloafer · 18/07/2020 18:20

@LovingLola

Interesting that it would be assault in Scotland.

Presumably if she asked him to do it then it’s not assault?

It would be assault in England too, but not if requested!
fairlyplump · 18/07/2020 18:22

Your daughter clearly doesn't give a toss about what you tell her. Not the lads fault and certainly nothing to do with the school xx

Original poster
peaches99 · 18/07/2020 18:23

LovingLola Yes I have admitted that I read that wrong.

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2016 · 18/07/2020 18:24

I can understand why you are shocked/upset OP.Wine (lots of it!).

Ultimately, her hair will grow back. Let's face it, we all did daft things at 14. Same goes for the boy who did it for her -he didn't do it against her wishes and he's a kid, he won't have really thought it through.

Could be worse -at least it's not permanent Grin My parents went on holiday one summer and I (about 20 at the time) was home from uni working a summer job. My sister, who was 17, stayed home with me. One day, while I was at work, sister went and got a tattoo Shock not a tiny tattoo either -a big butterfly at the top of her backShock.

I was horrified (largely because I wondered how the hell we were going to explain that to our parents), sister was completely unconcerned. Parents were a bit shocked/upset with her but they survived itGrin

lilgreen · 18/07/2020 18:25

Where does school come into it?

utterlynutty · 18/07/2020 18:26

Why would you want to contact the school ?
It's got nothing to do with the school.

The80sweregreat · 18/07/2020 18:27

You could buy her a wig for school if they say it's against the their rules or just hope it grows a bit by September! You could tell them what happened and hope they are a bit sympathetic..
I'm shocked she let him shave it all off though : most 14 year old girls love their hair!
It s all a bit bizarre.

lilgreen · 18/07/2020 18:28

A shaved head wouldn’t be against school rules.If a boy can, so can a girl.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 18/07/2020 18:28

Interesting that it would be assault in Scotland

LOL by this rationale, the prisons in scotland must be FULL of hair stylists.

Loveinatimeofcovid · 18/07/2020 18:29

Bloody hell, it’s just hair. It’s quite controlling actually to behave this way. It’s one thing if there was something inappropriate in it (like if she’d shaved in a profanity or something) but thus sound entirely inoffensive. You might not like the way it looks which is fine because no one is asking to shave your head. Your daughter is her own person, let her have her hair like she wants it.

WanderleyWagon · 18/07/2020 18:29

For what it's worth, I shaved my head in lockdown, and liked it so much that after growing it out for a couple of months, I shaved it again. It grows fast, and I can't imagine there'll be a problem by the time school comes back. In any case surely there would be some leeway for lockdown experiments...?

ChangeThePassword · 18/07/2020 18:30

What is bizarre about it? Loads of women have shaved their hair because they wanted to. Both me and my daughter have (many years apart).

Devlocopop · 18/07/2020 18:32

A shaved head wouldn’t be against school rules.If a boy can, so can a girl

Some schools have a minimum hair length such as a no2 which the deputy head had so he said don't think I don't know what it looks like. Also no extreme haircuts. But you know that before you choose the school.

DuDuDuLangaLangaBingBong · 18/07/2020 18:33

I get that you probably feel aghast about this. I did when my son shaved off his gorgeous blonde surfer locks around the same age.

There is no one to blame for this but her, though, and it’s her own hair, so there is really not much you can do about it, beyond punishing her for something you had forbidden her to do (although again, it’s her hair, and you are going to have to give up jurisdiction of it at some point).

My stepdaughter has dip dyed hers yellow (with permission and under supervision) but will probably have to cut it to a short bob for the new term. Your daughter’s will have grown to a pixie do by then, so no worries re: school rules on that.

If it makes you feel any better, my son has since grown his surfer blonde locks back (having realised the shaved head look didn’t attract the kind of attention he prefers)!