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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to the school re. this

196 replies

peaches99 · 18/07/2020 17:33

Name changed for this one, its a bit outing. My dd of 14 has been very bored during lockdown (just like most of us). She has been wanting to experiment with her hair, and I have let her........to a degree!
She even said she wanted to shave her head at one point; yes right, over my dead body!
She has been staying at her friends for a few days, and guess what, she walked in with a totally shaved head!!!
It was such a shock, after questioning it appears that she has been chatting to some of her male friends from her school about this. When she stayed with her friend they met these boys at the park, and one of them took along his clippers and shaved her head!
I am distraught, surely this is not allowed, she is 14.
Please help me, does anyone of you know if I can speak to the school re. this?

OP posts:
Shreddies123ffr · 18/07/2020 18:33

Maybe she likes it, maybe you need to recognise your daughter her own person capable of making her own decisions. It’s hair, nothing permanent, it will grow back.
If she now doesn’t like it, that’s just part of life, especially as a teenager.

anon444877 · 18/07/2020 18:34

My daughter has chosen her hair style and clothes etc since she was 7, let it go!

Original poster
peaches99 · 18/07/2020 18:36

Yes I agree, most of her friends love their long hair. When I think of all the dozens of products I have bought for her. Oh well, at least there will be no more getting into the shower and just finding empty bottles of shampoo for a while.

OP posts:
Basilandparsleyandmint · 18/07/2020 18:38

Op I know people are telling you to calm down but honestly I would have been really upset and shocked if my Dd came home with her hair shaved off at 14. My DS is 11 and has beautiful long hair and would feel the same.
I know they have to grow and experiment but at 14 that is pretty young to be so drastic. In 6 weeks she will have a better coverage but I doubt the school will be too bothered.
There isn’t much you can do but I just wanted to say I understand why you feel the way you do

Suzie6789 · 18/07/2020 18:40

I do get your the Op is upset, but she’s done it, it was her choice and she’ll most likely regret it in a few weeks.

formerbabe · 18/07/2020 18:41

I get you op...I'd be quite devastated to see my DD with a shaved head...in all honesty and i await a flaming, it has really upsetting associations for me, the first things I think of are illness and the holocaust (I'm from a family of holocaust survivors before anyone accuses me of being insensitive). However, if your dd agreed to the boy doing it, then it's her hair and her choice. Grin and bear it. Oh just for the record, I'd be very unimpressed if my ds shaved a girls head even if she'd given consent and I'd probably tell him that it was a poor decision.

HOkieCOkie · 18/07/2020 18:43

What do you want the school to do?

Immigrantsong · 18/07/2020 18:44

OP I think it's quite endearing that your DD wanted to try a style that is not the usual long hair Rapunzel look every girl seems to have nowdays.

It reminds me of my school years where students had individuality. I did grow abroad though and we never had rules re appearance.

Maybe after the first shock you can see this for the good thing it actually is. Your DD is experimenting with her looks and it will be good for you to reinforce that she decides over anything to do with her body.

She sounds cool.

katy1213 · 18/07/2020 18:45

It'll grow back. A tattoo would be much worse!

Original poster
peaches99 · 18/07/2020 18:45

Basilandparsleyandmint Thank you. I felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on me. Its great your son has such beautiful hair.
Oh well, she (and her sister) were sent to try me.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 18/07/2020 18:46

I would not let her do it, and this guy did it instead, frankly my first thought was that I wanted his balls for earrings!

That is a horrible way of speaking about another child, and in this case one who may well have acted in good faith!!!

Do you even know your dd told this boy she wasn't allowed? How would you feel if your dd had been asked by a friend to do something with her hair, did it in good faith, and her mum then posted crude remarks about wanting to cut off her tits?

Original poster
peaches99 · 18/07/2020 18:47

Yes, maybe I should start therapy for the tattoo stage.

OP posts:
MilsonNotWilson · 18/07/2020 18:47

Ffs! What is it with posters like the OP running to schools about, y’know, PARENTING stuff. Sounds like there is poor communication between OP and DD. No wonder she did it when OP wasn’t around. I feel for the poor DD

Original poster
peaches99 · 18/07/2020 18:49

corythatwas yes I was wrong, and I was looking for someone to blame.

OP posts:
missbipolar · 18/07/2020 18:49

I dont really see how this is a big deal? Its just hair, and its her hair not yours anyway.

Villanemme · 18/07/2020 18:49

Something upsetting happens and the first reaction is to find someone to blame? Horrible reaction. Interesting that school topped the list

Original poster
peaches99 · 18/07/2020 18:51

I can assure you that there is no need to feel sorry for my dd thank you very much,

OP posts:
kierenthecommunity · 18/07/2020 18:51

How short has she gone? Is it completely bald?

After dying of shock, I’d probably be quite chuffed I had a daughter with a bit of individuality and not one of the long straightened hair brigade, like pretty much every other girl I see going to our local high school Smile

Original poster
peaches99 · 18/07/2020 18:53

Yes it is a number 1.

OP posts:
Atadaddicted · 18/07/2020 18:57

I can’t understand all the “get over it” “no big deal”
Just like you - i would be.... distressed, I think is best word.

But nothing can be done. So it’s different parenting when something, anything, can be done.

In the scenario, I would say that I do miss her beautiful hair but her prerogative. I would say that I wished we had been able to chat about and say I’m upset about that.

But then I’d park it.

And wait for her to likelY regret the decision and be supportive

Atadaddicted · 18/07/2020 18:59

Op

You sound a brilliant mum to me.
Initial shock but you have been very honest and insightful in this thread.

On the basis of this, all will be fine Flowers

Original poster
peaches99 · 18/07/2020 19:02

Yes I have to admit I was wrong.........122 messages cannot be wrong. Off to refresh my drink slightly.

OP posts:
rosiejaune · 18/07/2020 19:05

YABU, and you are sexist. You wouldn't be complaining if she was a boy. It's up to her how to have her hair (as long as she looks after it, which is very easy now!).

Arthersleep · 18/07/2020 19:07

OP, are you based in England?
Because if so, I don't think that your daughter is allowed to stay over night at a friend's for a few days, nor have her hair cut without protective visors etc (albeit by another kid in the park). Does this not breach all the lockdown rules? I thought that the 1m plus rule was still in place?

Jimdandy · 18/07/2020 19:09

At 14 I think she has a right to have autonomy over her own hair whether you like it or not.

The more you fight her the more she will do these things to revel.

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