Friend said I've reverted back to being a teenager

[brababab]

Not sure whether to be offended or to just brush it off.

I left an abusive relationship around 18 months ago. Relocated 200 miles away to be with my family. I now live with my dad. 4 bedroom house, me dad and my DS who is 21 months old.

I visit my mum a couple of times a week and stay the night. She's who I've chosen to bubble with. Before lockdown I would regularly go and stay with her.

This set up works really well for all of us. My parents love being able to spend time with us. My dad regularly talks to his friends about how lucky he is to have his grandson living with him. My mum loves when we visit as she lives on her own.

I'm in no rush to move out and love living with my dad.

My friend said to me the other day that it's like I've reverted back to being a teenager. She thinks I should move out and thinks it's odd for me to be 'dependant' on my parents. (I'm not, I pay £300 rent every month, it's not a free ride). She keeps sending me links to right move properties and thinks I should move out. She's so adamant that I won't be able to date whilst I live with my dad and that there's stigma attached to a 30 year old woman living with her parents.

I'm really close to cutting her off because she's doing my head in. She has such a weird and strong opinion about me living with my dad.

AIBU to feel as though I don't want to be her friend anymore? It's not awful what she said but I just feel so distant from her now.

Rubbish!! My SIL lives with her Dad....she's 49! She always has. She has a son and lives with her Dad and it suits them fine.

Why wouldn;t it? They love one another...her Dad has a big house...she has no partner and the set up works. He's often away. He loves coming home to his Grandson.

Nothing wrong with living with extended family at all and 30 is young. I'm almost 50 and look at 30 as someone who is still finding themselves.

If my DDs want to live with me forever, good. If they don't...good. Whatever suits you OP!

Could she be envious? I'd send her a very cold message saying that you're perfectly happy as you are and wonder why shes quite so invested?
Your set up sounds perfect for all of you. Continue as long as it suits you all.
I wouldn't hesitate to cut her off if she doesn't pack it in. She should be happy/pleased for you.
I am!

Your family sound lovely and supportive and a good influence on your life. Nothing weird about it and I would always be happy to welcome my dd back home when she is older.
Your friend sounds over invested

You and your parents have worked out a way of living that works for you and is not one-sided: you contribute in all sorts of ways and they get a close relationship to their grandson and get to see him develop day by day. Sounds good to me.

300 is not a free ride and I barely earned that at 17!
For a start, many parents of a 30 year old would have paid off their mortgage. I have friends who rent rooms in houses where they pay 400 a month inc all bills in a fairly expensive area.

She isn't a friend
I'd drop her

It’s none of her business. Maybe she’s jealous and wants you to be struggling with mortgage and credit cards and stuff just like her so she can feel validated....

How horrible. Painful as it may be, seems time to end the friendship.

Grandparents never have enough recognition for their possible role in a child's upbringing and it is good to read how they are part of your DSs life.

You might not want to date again, which is no crime.

Could you ask her why she is so interested in your life and why she's fixated on it so much when you haven't asked for her advice or assistance? Might embarrass her a bit.

Congratulations on getting your life back on track after leaving your abusive relationship!

What's her living situation? It is really weird that she keeps sending you rightmove links.
I live in another European country where it is completely normal for 3 generations to live under the same roof - often the grandparents will have a separate part of the house for their own use. Absolutely no one here would be saying it was weird that you were living with your Dad and that you had reverted to being a teenager.
Just ignore her. If it works for you - fine.
If she keeps it up and gets too annoying just ditch her.

Sounds like a lovely set up, OP. You're very lucky to have such great relationships with you parents, even though it seems like they're no longer together ( sorry, if I've got the wrong). Could your 'friend' be jealous? The next time she wades in I'd be tempted to say ' gosh, 'friend' I know you've got my best interests at heart but the way you go on about my situation, it's almost like you're jealous or something' Add smiley face and tinkly laugh as needed. if that doesn't shut her down, then the friendship's run its course. After everything you've been (and come) through, why be around someone who's raining on your parade?

Send her a link to a therapist with a note saying "I'm worried that you're becoming obsessively focused on my life, and I think you should seek professional help."

Why would you make your adult children pay ‘ market’ rent, unless you needed the money and if you did, presumably you would already have a lodger living with you ?
Do electricians, plumbers, mechanics adult children also have to pay full price for their parents services. Sure if they did you’d have plenty of posts on here moaning about how their dad is charging full price for fixing their car.
Just don’t understand understand the thinking behind not giving your kids a ‘free ride’, beyond teaching teenagers and young adults how to budget. The op has already had a home of their own and returned, so that lesson is now redundant.
If everyone’s happy what’s the problem.

She sounds horrid. Why are you still talking to her?

I am aware that I am lucky to only have to pay £300, but to put things in to perspective, I was in a financially abusive relationship, if my dad didn't put me up and I had nobody to help me I would've been in a refuge. My ex had control over money and left me with nothing. He took out loans and wasn't paying bills that he was meant to pay. I have been left with 10k worth of debt that I cannot afford. My sons nursery fees are extortionate. My ex pays no maintenance (well, £7 a week as he doesn't declare his way earnings). My dad has paid off his mortgage. He is a high earner. He wants to help me out and I am struggling. What is a free ride for some, may not be a free ride for others. I have nothing at the end of every month.

Its good that you are well settled with your family. Cant help noticing the cultural differences! My daughter,30, lives with me.I cant even imagine taking a single penny from her.She works full time and earns a decent wage but I actually top up her earnings by £600 every month so she can save something for buying a property in future.

It is not each to their own though. She is trying to impose her viewpoint.

It sounds like the current situation works really well for you, son and your dad. Why does she want you to deprive your son and dad of the closeness they have?

She needs to keep her opinion on this to herself and stop with links. She must know it is not welcome. If not I would distance yourself. This is a time to cherish, not have Miss Negative putting doubts in your mind.

If you dad is happy with the rent that is all that matters. It is very sensible to get debt down.

I hope I have not missed it if you have already said but what is her set up? Does she may be have an alternative motive? Like she wants you to share a place with you.

Ignore your "friend". You have an arrangement that is working well for everyone - your DC, you, your Dad and Mum. Ignore her snide comments she probably doesn't realise how hard it is to be a single parent, and perhaps her relationship with her own parents isn't great - and she's thinking you are the same.

By the way I divorced when I was 26 and went to live at home for 3 years, it worked out well. I had my own little area in the house, we got on fine, and I was studying a lot of the time.

She's jealous. It sounds like a lovely set up. Your DS will have a great relationship with his grandparents when he's older.

Would she still think it was weird if it was parent moving in with you?

I don't understand why there seems to be the attitude that it's normal when an elderly parent moves into the adult child's home when the time comes that they need an extra hand but that it is weird when an adult child moves into a parents home usually temporarily when for they need a bit of a hand (usually during a relationship ending etc)

Obviously it's different to an adult child constantly boomeranging back because they consistently fuck up and take no responsibility in life or an adult child who chooses to never leave home and does anything or paying (like parent still washing clothes and cooking)

You get levels of friendship imo the real true type would only be overjoyed and completely relieved for you to be away and free and safe even if it meant they missed you terribly because you had had to move quite a bit away and they couldn't see you as much.
The real true type would only be giving this advice if something about the new situation was causing you to to behave in a way where they could see you were creating problems for yourself long term and they were worried.

All the other types of friends are more likely to react from a selfish position because while they want you to be safe obviously they aren't particularly happy how your new situation affects them in some way.

I can tell you after abuse and various "friendships" not being what I thought I have spent years sorting out people who genuinely want the best for me and can say now I have cut all the shit out! And have a couple of others in the "outer circle" so I never share anything that could have them affect me. I tell you lovely once you get to the point where people are easy and safe and really do care!

I’d love my DD and DGC to live with me. My DH does not want that at all. My DD and DGC would definitely move in if they could.
I respect my DH wishes and understand his valid viewpoint so we won’t be moving in together.
However, it sounds like you and DP’s are happy as are you. Nobody else’s business.

I don't get why people are saying £300 is a free ride. He is helping his Daughter, my Dad has given me money in the past. If he can afford it why not only charge £300.

Let's hope your friend is never in that situation, people are so quick to judge people when they could end up there themselves one day.
Your friend should be supporting you not making you feel bad. Cut her off mate.

You enjoy your new found freedom any way you like. Surely it's better to have the enthusiasm and joy for life of a teenager than the misery of being an abused wife? Enjoy your independence and don't get into a relationship until you're ready. Perhaps your 'friend' is a little jealous or put out - if so you don't need this attitude.

I think your friend is jealous