Friend said I've reverted back to being a teenager

[brababab]

Not sure whether to be offended or to just brush it off.

I left an abusive relationship around 18 months ago. Relocated 200 miles away to be with my family. I now live with my dad. 4 bedroom house, me dad and my DS who is 21 months old.

I visit my mum a couple of times a week and stay the night. She's who I've chosen to bubble with. Before lockdown I would regularly go and stay with her.

This set up works really well for all of us. My parents love being able to spend time with us. My dad regularly talks to his friends about how lucky he is to have his grandson living with him. My mum loves when we visit as she lives on her own.

I'm in no rush to move out and love living with my dad.

My friend said to me the other day that it's like I've reverted back to being a teenager. She thinks I should move out and thinks it's odd for me to be 'dependant' on my parents. (I'm not, I pay £300 rent every month, it's not a free ride). She keeps sending me links to right move properties and thinks I should move out. She's so adamant that I won't be able to date whilst I live with my dad and that there's stigma attached to a 30 year old woman living with her parents.

I'm really close to cutting her off because she's doing my head in. She has such a weird and strong opinion about me living with my dad.

AIBU to feel as though I don't want to be her friend anymore? It's not awful what she said but I just feel so distant from her now.

It sounds lovely, your mum and dad sound lovely too. Your friend, on the other hand... I'd have lost my shit by now. Does she often overstep the line? Disgusting negative controlling behaviour. I'd be ditching her if she didn't wind her neck in.

She shows a complete lack of understanding of your situation. I did exactly the same thing as you. I was so broken and fragile after leaving and had a very young baby that it was a relief to go somewhere that I felt safe and could be looked after until I regained my strength and confidence. I could have won the lottery and would still have wanted to live with my parents. I stayed with them for 4 years (I would have felt able to move the year before but wanted my work situation to be permanent before doing so). As a lone parent security is paramount and your friend should realise you need to take many things into account when you are are a lone parent and breadwinner etc. After 4 years I bought my lovely house, permanent job and dd is a happy cheappie. She loves living in the same town as grandparents and they continue to support me with childcare. A move out will come in time if you want it, but do not feel guilty about getting support while you need it.

Your mum and dad sound lovely and really supportive, I'm glad you managed to get out of a horrible situation and are happy and safe, your friend isn't being very kind

Honestly OP I am a bit jealous of your set up. When I found myself in a relationship similar to yours I had no family to go to, it did not make me "more" adult just more scared, uncertain and more difficult to get out of the relationship.

Give your dad and ds a hug, enjoy your sense of peace and safety and tell your moron friend to bigger off.

To those saying £300 a month is a free ride .if it was my child in a dangerous situation. Then they would be home with me and who cares how it looks .the OP is doing the best for her child and the dad is doing the best for his she may be 30 but she is still his child .OP glad you are now in a good place where people love and care for you and your little one
Who cares what anyone else thinks

To be honest her nit-picking, judging and hassling you about dating and is more teenager like than anything relating to your behaviour.
I’d be pointing that out the next time she comments on anything.

Your friend is most probably jealous of your loving supportive family. We hear so many stories on here on parents being less than supportive so it’s actually really nice to hear of a family that are as close and supportive of yours. Ignore you’re friend, in fact- cut her out.

Just enjoy your life.
Who made the rule that adult children shouldn't live with their parents, if everyone is happy?
It sounds like you, your ds, your mum and your dad are all happy with the arrangement.
To heck with your friend. If you can't overlook her opinion and behaviour, cut her off.

What a great set up. Dont be in a hurry to change it. Even when you do start to date i am sure your parents will be supportive. Please ignore your friend, she is not giving you the best advise.

Your friend wants your relationship with her family, and as she cannot have it, she can't bear for you to either. It's easier to think such a thing is wrong than such a thing is valuable and yet beyond one's own reach.

It's really fine for you to not take any of this on. It's really nothing to do with you. If you have previously had a boundaries problem with taking on other people's emotions and psychodramas as your own responsibility, you might have accumulated friends who expect this from you. It's a good time to practice drawing a boundary if so. You don't need to reject her or really respond to her in any way about this. Her feelings are simply not your problem at all.

If either of my daughters ended up in your situation I would want them to know they would always be able to come back to live our house.

Rent would be the furthest thing from my mind and would do everything possible to give them the chance and space to recover and rebuild their life for them and my grandchild.

Your parents sound lovely. I think it's great for you and your ds to have a close and supportive network of family.

Remember people only know about you what you tell them. She isnt entitled to personal details of your set up.

Cut her off and focus on surrounding your self with positive people who want the best for you and your ds.

What a wonderful arrangement you have! I am thrilled for you that you have left an abusive relationship and are now enjoying being around your parents so much. And it is terrific for your child to grow up like this. Sounds perfect.

I imagine there are some little challenges involved for you and your dad, who have lived apart for many years. But as an outsider it sounds ideal.

Your friend has some odd ideas.

Politely tell her this is what you need right now and if she can't respect that then you no longer wish for her to contact you.
It's none of her business.

Can you think of any reason why she's particularly envious of you, or concerned about your situation? Is she really invested in the idea that no woman can be happy single? Is she single and unhappy about it? How peculiar anyway.

I think it's fantastic that you've escaped an abusive relationship, and brilliant that you have a supportive family to allow you to rebuild your emotional, social, financial and family resources. How wonderful for your son and parents to have this opportunity to spend time together. If this situation suits you all there's no reason not to consider it indefinitely.

If she's been a good friend in other ways I'd try a proper conversation asking her why she's so concerned, and point out that perhaps her values are different to yours, and you're not imposing yours on her, so can she stop trying to impose hers on you.

@Saracen I can honestly, hand on heart say that there are no challenges other than who used the last of the butter with a cheeky eye roll. We get on fantastically.

If my marriage were to end for some reason I would 100% ask my parent to live in with me. Why wouldn’t you want to live with your family if you have enough room.

I'm guessing your friend is happier when there's more of an imbalance in your relationship. Now you have a secure and happy home life and a job, its harder for her to feel like you need her.

What you pay is fine! Not sure why people are focussing on that. So what if your dad is subsiding you a bit after you've escaped an abusive relationship? I wouldn't even blink at doing that for one of my kids and you contribute with domestic labour as well which must really help him out. It all sounds great OP. It's lovely you get on so well with your family. I wish I did with mine!

I'd think it a bit weird and moving out would be a priority in my mind - but that's purely because Hell would freeze over and the Devil would convert to Buddhism before anybody could have convinced me to put my kid anywhere where my mother could have any influence over her - the idea of being safe, happy and supported by family was completely alien to me.

I'm glad you have a far better life than that. And, were I to be your friend, I'd be delighted for you (and I'd keep my bloody mouth shut once you explained to me what normal families are like). Probably be secretly a bit envious, but not in any way that would mean I'd try to coerce you into cutting off what sounds like the most amazing family.

Giving your friend briefly the benefit of the doubt - perhaps she doesn't have a family she could rely upon, so doesn't understand how great it is?

Next time she sends you a link - send her this one Hopefully then she will realise how she is coming across.

Giving your child the opportunity to build strong relationships with his grandparents and a good male role model in his life is a gift. Ignore your silly jealous 'friend', what you are doing for your child is brilliant. And even better its making you and your parents happy too. What a lovely story.

I think it's lovely being with your parents. It's not like you're living in a random flat share!

In other cultures multi generation living is very normal.

Multi-generational living is the norm in most cultures and has benefits for all members of a family.

This. It's more unusual not to live like this than to do it. If the friendship is worth it I'd sit her down and have a serious conversation with her. It strikes me that her attitude says much more about her than about you, and I might use that as my starting point. Why is she objecting to this? What on earth does she think the problem is?

It works fine for you, your dad and your son. It gives you all clear roles and a sense of self worth. If she cannot accept it, she can shut up about it or risk losing your friendship.

She's jealous and being completely inappropriate. Hell, given what it sounds like you've been through, a true friend would be made up for you. How fortunate that you have parents who are willing and able to support you like this whilst you work towards re-establishing yourself.

Slightly different situation but we moved our daughter and her two kids in with us for about 3 months over lockdown. It made sense for a number of reasons and as far as we are concerned you never stop being there for your kids even though they need you less as adults. I'm not aware of anyone judging her for it and if they did they can take a run and jump. It made lockdown manageable for her as a single parent and for all of us it was a very special time that we will always treasure.

Your parents are supporting you at a time when you and your DS need it and I'm sure they are loving the opportunity to spend so much time with you and their grandson. It's a win all round and anyone who can't see that isn't wired properly.

And your friend is weird. Why is she so invested and judgemental?