Friend said I've reverted back to being a teenager

[brababab]

Not sure whether to be offended or to just brush it off.

I left an abusive relationship around 18 months ago. Relocated 200 miles away to be with my family. I now live with my dad. 4 bedroom house, me dad and my DS who is 21 months old.

I visit my mum a couple of times a week and stay the night. She's who I've chosen to bubble with. Before lockdown I would regularly go and stay with her.

This set up works really well for all of us. My parents love being able to spend time with us. My dad regularly talks to his friends about how lucky he is to have his grandson living with him. My mum loves when we visit as she lives on her own.

I'm in no rush to move out and love living with my dad.

My friend said to me the other day that it's like I've reverted back to being a teenager. She thinks I should move out and thinks it's odd for me to be 'dependant' on my parents. (I'm not, I pay £300 rent every month, it's not a free ride). She keeps sending me links to right move properties and thinks I should move out. She's so adamant that I won't be able to date whilst I live with my dad and that there's stigma attached to a 30 year old woman living with her parents.

I'm really close to cutting her off because she's doing my head in. She has such a weird and strong opinion about me living with my dad.

AIBU to feel as though I don't want to be her friend anymore? It's not awful what she said but I just feel so distant from her now.

There are security issues surrounding my ex too which she knows about. I have a police marker on my house and phone and a restraining order in place. I suffer with a lot of paranoia around this and don't want to live on my own. My dad agrees. The more I post about this the more I realise my friend is awful and wrong.

I think she’s jealous. What is her relationship like with her parents?

Distance yourself from her. She doesn’t sound like much of a friend considering f what you’ve gone through! She should be pleased that things are better now.

Your friend is being unkind and narrow-minded. Multi-generational living is the norm in most cultures and has benefits for all members of a family. If she can't be supportive then she needs to keep quiet. Only thing that stands out to me is that £300/month rent isn't much, so your dad must be subsidising you financially. But if you're all happy it isn't her business.

I agree with PP that your friend is actually quite envious of you! What is wrong at the tender age of 30 coming out of an abusive R/L to live with your Mum or Dad FFS! Tell her it works for you and to hold the info re homes! You are not looking at dating right now ,your Dad is happy for some company whats the big deal?If she continues maybe re think your friendship with her and go LC

Your friend is being judgemental...tell them to mind their own business

Is she jealous of your baby or jealous you have so much support in bringing up baby?

@BigSandyBalls2015 it's ok I think. Not massively close. They see each other fairly regularly. They're still married and her kids get on well with them. I'm just very close with my family. Always have been. I'm Caribbean and culturally, eating meals together, seeing each other weekly etc is important for us all.

@brababab, she sounds awful. You are not the only 30+ year old living with their parents. I know of at least 3. And anyway, what does it matter? If she was your friend, she wouldn't care.

Tell your friend to do one. She would do my head in. In fact I think I’d block her number.

@StatementKnickers it's not much but he warns 80k a year and is very financially secure and wants me to pay off my debts rather than give the money to him when he doesn't need it.

In many countries this is a normal set up, I think it’s ideal really. Your son will have happy memories with his Grandad.

Your friend sounds really patronising and like massive a downer to be honest!

Sounds to me like she is jealous.

Well, you are far more likely to be able to go on a date with your dad or mum babysitting than if you are miles away from anyone, sitting by yourself, aren't you? Not that you have to date, it sounds like it's not a top priority for you.

I lived with my mum for four years with the children to save money, it was a temporary arrangement and worked well, then I moved on. The children loved their time living there and still talk about it!

She’s accusing you of behaving like a teenager yet clearly she’s lacking maturity and sensitivity as she seemingly can’t comprehend your need for emotional and practical support after escaping an abusive relationship.

You’re happy, your child is happy and your dad is happy. What’s the problem? I think you should tell her quite directly that whatever her opinion on the matter she’s completely overstepping and needs to stop. You’re doing great brababab, don’t let this so called friend and her narrow view of “how adults must live their lives” get you down or cause you to doubt yourself .

I am not sure which of your behaviours she thinks are teenage ones!!!

You are living as an extended family, contributing in time and money, everyone is happy...

Your situation sounds so so happy. I imagine it is the absolute best medicine for your son to have this fantastic relationship with his grandad when his dad is such a problem.
I'm really pleased you now have exactly what you need at this stage in your life and I don't even know you! How lovely for your dad to come home to his GS and be loving having that in his days, it must really make him feel happy if he is telling his friends all about it often.

Teen-agers at home are a completely different kettle of fish, they need to launch their own lives and develop their independence. Your situation is completely incomparable.
Your silly silly friend doesn't know when to stop does she!

You pay for your food, cook & clean?

Does your "friend" not know many teenagers?

Tell her to stop going on about it, that you're happy and have a plan. And if she doesn't then stop seeing her.

Your "friend" sounds weird and controlling herself! Your current situation sounds great - your DS has a strong male role model and your Dad has company and help. I would just reduce contact with her and be unavailable for a while and if she notices (she may not) and asks, give her a direct truthful reason. OK for her to make the comment once, but not repeatedly and then trying to influence you. Sounds as though she is a bit domineering and you would be best to be assertive with her. Good luck.

She's jealous! It sounds a perfect set up and I wouldn't be rushing to change it anytime soon.

Personally I would have struggled to date someone who lived with their parents. BUT. Your circumstances are so different from a say a 30 year old.bloke who lived at how because his mum did his washing for him.

It sounds to me as if your friend needs to wind her neck in. I'd tell her to fuck off with the controlling judgemental bullshit otherwise you won't be friends any more.

It sounds to me as if you're doing what's best for yourself and your DC and that's the only thing that matters.

'off you fuck' may be a useful phrase for you to adopt for your 'friend' - BTW friends don't judge. They offer advice and support but a good friend does not judge.

I think it’s a perfect set up and I have no idea why some posters appear to be upset at the amount of financial contribution you are making. If you and your dad are happy that is all that matters.

Enjoy this time at home.

Tell her to bore off. You are happy and have stability and a positive environment that works for everyone involved.

Your family sound lovely, your friend not so much.

I am 42 and could easily move back in with my parents and take the children if ever I needed to. Once our children are adults if they ever needed to come home then the door would always be open.

The money sounds fine too, it is between you and your dad. Lots and lots of adults get financial assistance from parents, or free holidays, or help in the case of free childcare. Your dad can afford for you to pay £300 a month to live there so why not.

It sounds like you’ve been though it, sack your mate off and enjoy your life.