Friend said I've reverted back to being a teenager

[brababab]

Not sure whether to be offended or to just brush it off.

I left an abusive relationship around 18 months ago. Relocated 200 miles away to be with my family. I now live with my dad. 4 bedroom house, me dad and my DS who is 21 months old.

I visit my mum a couple of times a week and stay the night. She's who I've chosen to bubble with. Before lockdown I would regularly go and stay with her.

This set up works really well for all of us. My parents love being able to spend time with us. My dad regularly talks to his friends about how lucky he is to have his grandson living with him. My mum loves when we visit as she lives on her own.

I'm in no rush to move out and love living with my dad.

My friend said to me the other day that it's like I've reverted back to being a teenager. She thinks I should move out and thinks it's odd for me to be 'dependant' on my parents. (I'm not, I pay £300 rent every month, it's not a free ride). She keeps sending me links to right move properties and thinks I should move out. She's so adamant that I won't be able to date whilst I live with my dad and that there's stigma attached to a 30 year old woman living with her parents.

I'm really close to cutting her off because she's doing my head in. She has such a weird and strong opinion about me living with my dad.

AIBU to feel as though I don't want to be her friend anymore? It's not awful what she said but I just feel so distant from her now.

Have you told her how much it bothers you OP? I can be a bit socially awkward sometimes, especially if I find something funny - my friendship group tends to like to tease each other but one of the girls isn't like that and once told me to stop joking about something because it was hurting her feelings. I was mortified and stopped of course, but I would have just thought it was our normal 'banter' if she hadn't said.

If you have told her and she keeps doing it then there's something going on. She's maybe jealous, or there's something going on in her own relationship.

Your parents sound amazing and I'm so pleased you're getting the support you need from them. You'll move on when the time is right but at the moment, having them there is exactly what you need and great for DS too.

[quote brababab]@StatementKnickers it's not much but he warns 80k a year and is very financially secure and wants me to pay off my debts rather than give the money to him when he doesn't need it. [/quote]
This is how I would feel in his situation too. I would feel terrible taking money of one of my children whilst they were struggling. Why shouldn't parents help out their children financially if they are in a position to?

One of my friends moved her dad in with her after her marriage ended. They all live perfectly happily together. There is more money in the house and it’s easier for her to work as her dad is around when the dc come home from school.He takes them all to the football (or did!) and it works really well for them.

It’s never crossed my mind that it might be weird.

I agree she's probably just jealous.

I wouldn't call £300pcm a free ride, I was paying £400pcm in a nice house share in the South East just a few years ago, and that included all bills and wifi.

DH and I both come from cultures where multigenerational living is common and in most cases it work well.

(okay maybe it was 7 years ago! It didn't seem like that long ago )

I'm another one that votes she's jealous OP. My DH can get funny with me about my relationship with my parents. I'm close to my parents and his anti social.

Your friend is unreasonable to be using the verb 'revert' incorrectly. One cannot 'revert back'. One 'reverts'.

I also think your friend is jealous of your happier set up now. and that you're not struggling, perhaps like she is?

It's sounds like a lovely living situation as you have a close family who get on very well together. Your little boy gets some lovely time with his grandad, you get the security of living with someone else (given your security issues with your ex, I have no idea why your friend doesn't seem to understand that this is an issue!), and you get to rebuild your life after leaving an abusive relationship. I don't think there is an issue with the amount you are paying either, I'm guessing your dad probably bought the house/previous houses a long time ago and has little or no mortgage? If it was me, I'd want to support my children through any difficult situation, you aren't taking advantage.

I'm wondering if it is dating that your friend has an issue with? That she's desperate for you to start dating again and thinks your living arrangements will get in the way? Even if you are no desire to date again at the moment, has she taken it upon herself to "fix" the situation?

I've had a friend a little bit similar (but in a nicer way), she always wanted my life to be better and pushed and pushed for it. In the end it pushed us apart because I didn't want to be constantly harangued for not doing the "right" thing.

What a weirdo, its really odd that she thinks about your living arrangements so much, tell her mind her own business

I lost my dad last year. I would have loved to spend more time with him.

Often grandparents are left to their own devices, how amazing for you both to be a lovely wee family for now.

She sounds toxic.

Your set up sounds lovely your friend is a misery why should you live alone if you don't want to honestly enjoy your supportive family it sounds great.

Living with family as a grown-up is hardly unusual these days. And if your parents are happy and you are happy with the arrangement, what exactly is her problem? I think it's lovely and your parents clearly appreciate being able to spend time with their grandson too. This seems like a win-win situation for all parties!

Your friend is uber weird to have an opinion on this plus when you go on these 'dates' she's mentioned, who does she think will be babysitting for you? Tell her straight to back off.

She's talking rubbish. And for people saying £300 is a "free ride", so what? If OP's dad can afford it and is happy with the arrangement then it's no one else's business. If I were in a situation where I could help my DCs financially then I would.

I agree with others that she sounds jealous. I think it sounds like a lovely set up OP. You're all happy with the arrangement so where's the problem? Your friend sounds over invested in your life.
My DD16 had an amazing relationship with my Dad as he looked after when I worked when she was younger. Sadly, he died nearly 3 years ago when she was 13 but the bond they had will always remain because she has so many amazing memories of him.
You and your DS have a safe, secure environment and he (and you) get to spend time with his grandparents which is just lovely.
Carry on being happy and I wish you and your family all the very best

If she mentioned it once and you said "it works well for us" then fine, whatever, no bother. But as she keeps sending you links to Rightmove then I'd tell her to bugger off.

I’d definitely cut her off - even if you feel this is a transition period rather than long term, you can’t live your life on her terms! Might be different if she was your mother and it was the right time for you to leave home, but you’re doing what’s right for you right now. I think it sounds lovely!
Also, not every woman (or man) your age wants to date, nobody at any age has a social obligation to do so either. I think it’s incredibly weird she’s trying to push it on you, especially as your last relationship was abusive.

What business is it of hers where you live? I would get rid of the friendship personally.

It sounds perfect. Gives you a chance to get back on your feet financially and emotionally. I would like to think when my children are grown up if they needed my support in this way I could offer it.

It’s lovely for your son to spend time with him grandparents.

Is your friend jealous? Or one of those people who think only her way is the right way?

Your rent is extremely cheap for 2 people, especially if it includes utilities and some food etc. But if your dad's happy and you and your DC are happy, I don't see the problem for a couple of years? Won't it make it easier for you to meet someone new, because your dad can baby-sit?
I'd write to the friend explaining that it makes sense for everyone for a couple of years, especially as your dad's happy to baby-sit for you. And that she has to accept it and not bring it up again, because it's your decision and her constant criticism is affecting your friendship.

She sounds jealous that you have an 'easier' life than you. Or she could be protecting her own insecurities on you. Shut her down once and for all. Tell her that you don't want to discuss it with her and you and your son are happy where you are. If she doesn't listen cut her off.

Unless you are complaining about the set up, I can’t see why she feels the need to send you info about rental properties.
She sounds jealous and weird. I could forgive it a couple of times, if I thought she was genuinely trying to help, but can’t understand her thinking if you’re not feeding it.
It’s good that you have support around you and there are lots of reasons people chose to stay with the parents past whatever age is defined as appropriate, if it works for them and everyone’s happy, why be so judgemental about it.

I thought I was about to read you are wearing whatever the teen trendies currently wear and drinking cider in the park shelters of an evening and up half the night xbox'ing! (no offence to teenagers - other models are available).

Your living arrangement sounds good, you and your son are both safe and happy and your son has a decent male role model in his everyday life. Your friend should be pleased you are in a positive place right now, not trying to put doubts in your head and undermine you.

Sometimes it's better to cut people like this out of your life. I've let a friend go for similar behaviours (ongoing links to dating sites, job promotion adverts, bigger houses - i.e. the lifestyle she wants me to follow, not what I want or need).

And blinking Rightmove links? - send her a link back to this: www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/how-to-stop-judging-others.htm

Your family are lovely. The more you've said the more apparent it is that your 'friend' is jealous. Don't let her drag you down or feel bad about anything - I'm sure you've have enough of that from your ex to last you a lifetime. Whatever financial arrangements you have are between you and your dad and its no-one else's business. Enjoy the love and support of your family and your new start.

Your friend is a controlling weirdo.
However £300 is a free ride.. I paid that a month when I was 17 and living at home.