Should I tell work about childcare situation?

[BippertyBopperty]

My childcare is turning into a nightmare that I don’t know how to solve. Both breakfast and after school club have been cancelled for the new year and on top of that school will be staggering start and finishing times. We moved closer to the in-laws a few months before lockdown (and so they are the only people we know but both are elderly and vulnerable to the virus). I don’t know what to do. I’m working from home at the moment but am expected back in the office from September. Should I tell my boss I’m having trouble fixing this and ask if there is anyway I could work flexibly? Or do I need to just sort this on my own. (But how).

Some of the posts are irrelevant as some schools aren’t letting childcare providers collect children from school. This will drastically affect duel working parents. Either a change in working hours or one parent has to give up their job. The bubble idea is ridiculous and doesn’t work with how people will be living their lives.

@Notcontent
You can’t just employ a teenager to be in sole charge of children. I am getting rather annoyed by how on threads about childcare since the lockdown there are always people suggesting that it’s easy - you just employ a random teenager or student to look after your children. And finding a nanny to just do before school or after school is actually really hard. And very expensive
I completely agree with what you have said! I’m a registered childminder. Dbs checked, first aid trained, qualified, inspected to make sure I know what I’m doing and paying for the privilege of that, etc etc. So many people on here suggest finding a teenager as if there are 15 year olds waiting with baited breathe for a call to look after someone’s children. And after school nannies are quite difficult to find. Why would a nanny want to do a split shift, an hour in the morning and a couple of hours in the evening? I did it for 6 weeks while looking for something else with better hours and honestly It was crap, very few nannies actually want this kind of position and you will pay over the odds because of that.
Honestly OP, I really feel sorry for parents at the moment and I have no idea how it’s going to pan out moving forward. I have had so many enquires for childminding that I can’t help with as the after school club has reduced numbers and only taking bookings for everyday, so any part time families are being given notice.

I would suggest being honest with your employer though and speaking to them sooner so you can come up with a plan together. Don’t leave it till the week before as I don’t think that will help your position.

@user1487194234

This is such a blinkered and privileged position to take. Yes, in an ideal world everything would be split. But in reality, family earnings are actually needed to pay for life. What exactly do you propose when the family can't afford the mortgage because the higher earner has taken the financial hit to protect the lower earner and the house gets repossessed? Yes, it perpetuates the problem at a societal level but life has to work for individuals too! But things will never change for women of attitudes don't change I would never have put myself in a position whereby my lifestyle was dependent on another person

Which is great for you, but meanwhile it is the unpleasant reality that lots of couples are going to need to prioritise the higher earner's role in a brutal covid economy, and not be able to worry about the wider societal implications.

Yes, it's absolutely shit. Pandemics expose and exacerbate existing problems as well as creating new ones. We're not going to be capable of coming up with anything remotely useful or relevant if we don't fully understand that.

Having read the newsletter for school it is saying drop off and pick ups to be done only by immediate family

This is entirely unreasonable, and I say that as someone who works in a school and has been fully immersed in the logistical nightmare of planning for full re-opening in September, so this isn't about 'teacher bashing'! It's just not a realistic policy and it blatantly discriminates against working parents. If schools have risk-assessed and come to the conclusion that they can't run their own wraparound care safely then they're 100% right not to. But then surely there has to be some acknowledgment that working parents will need outside help, whether that's paid help or informal arrangements with friends or wider family. As long as adults socially distance at drop off/pick up and children are well cared why is it any of the schools affair who is providing that wraparound care? The assumption that every child, or even the majority of children, has a SAHP or a parent working very part time in 2020 is ridiculous. OP, I would write to the Head about this.

And before anyone comes out with "school isn't childcare", we all know! This isn't about WOH parents wanting school to be childcare, it's about school actively obstructing WOH parents from using any childcare which they have no right to do.

TrustTheGeneGenie
Each to their own but I wouldn't have put myself in that position
Just get irritated on threads like this when people come on and say women are more affected by all this as if it is inevitable instead of often being as a result of choices made in the past or now
In my company we have said back to the office in September ,WFH is not ideal for us
I will look at individual circumstances sympathetically but not indefinitely
TBH I will be looking for solutions coming from the employee
That might sound hard but I need to keep the company solvent for the sake of all staff
And me

Definitely talk to work. Our office for one is looking at opening in September but saying those that want to can WFH until the end of the year. If lots of places do this it will be a societal norm and this will help you out. 'Other offices are doing this, can I? style of thing. But it's awkward because we haven't quite worked out the September norms yet.

So your kids are old enough to entertain themselves. All they need is supervision. I would therefore think your PIL could look after them keeping social distancing.

You could also indeed get a college student to help, many are very responsible and would love the easy extra cash.

You do have options and therefore as an employer, I wouldn't be overly sympathetic and assume that you just want to work from home because it suits you.

Those suggesting OP employ a random teenager to care for her children (leaving aside the very obvious safety/welfare concerns) would you be happy for your own teenager to be late to school, Sixth Form or college and leave early every day to drop off/collect someone else's kids?

I still think an au pair is a good solution.

@user1487194234

TrustTheGeneGenie Each to their own but I wouldn't have put myself in that position Just get irritated on threads like this when people come on and say women are more affected by all this as if it is inevitable instead of often being as a result of choices made in the past or now In my company we have said back to the office in September ,WFH is not ideal for us I will look at individual circumstances sympathetically but not indefinitely TBH I will be looking for solutions coming from the employee That might sound hard but I need to keep the company solvent for the sake of all staff And me

In what position?

Women are more affected by this and just because you're perfect and you've made brilliant choices and are incredibly successful or whatever doesn't mean it's not reality for many many other people.

If you think this is all down to individual choice and nothing else you're very naive.

RTFT people, OP's children's school have said only immediate family can pick up and drop off. So even if PIL's were willing to help (which she's repeatedly said they're not), even if OP could afford a Nanny (she's already said they can't) and even if she did feel comfortable leaving her kids with some random college kid (many wouldn't be) none of those options are applicable.

The position where childcare was my sole problem
I am a lot of things,but I can assure you naive is not one of them

The school will have to make exceptions, if the person is your AP, living in your house, she is in your bubble. I can see that they don't want any random, neighbour/friend/GP on different days.
There will be many people in difficulty they will have to adapt. or risk a court case

So your kids are old enough to entertain themselves. All they need is supervision. I would therefore think your PIL could look after them keeping social distancing.

This is a particularly daft comment in a thread full of them.

Could you drop the kids off, work in the office while they are at school, and pick them up, then WFH for a couple of hours or after they go to bed?

Are you close enough to take an hour out of work to collect kids & drop them off at a childminders & go back in to work?

I know you said the childminders were all full, but this might change if they are unable to collect from local schools.

Thanks for the suggestions. It’s been really helpful thinking things through. To clarify DH works in healthcare and on shifts. It’s quite difficult for him to have set days/ times off work. It doesn’t work like that. When I was pregnant with DC2 he asked for more flexible working because HE wanted to be more involved and it was turned down. I can’t see it being granted now with the expectation that this winter is going to be hard for healthcare staff again. But he absolutely is involved in trying to think of a solution. We both stayed up late last night reading this thread and thinking things through. We don’t have any space for an au pair or nanny to live in. Someone who lives out of the home may work. I am going to approach school to see if they would accept that person as being in our bubble.
My preferred solution would be to work 9:30-2:30 in the office and make up the hours from home. I am lucky because we’ve had a performance review and I’ve been told I have been just as if not productive at home. I’m hoping that will go in my favour.

I work for a LA I have not heard in our county of any school who are restricting pick ups to family members only, and it’s no where on the government guidance for schools. I cannot see how they can enforce this at all with everyone supposedly getting back to work.

P

If a nanny is acceptable to the school have you considered a nanny share? Am sure there will be other working parents in a very similar predicament. Then the costs are halved. I have nanny shared three times. Worked really well. One share was with the nanny herself who brought her two children with her and I paid her about 2/3.

OP.

School are not the boss of you, they have no power to say only immediate family members can do pick up, it is wholly outside their jurisdiction.

Why do ppl accept this nonsense from schools?

Ignore them and do what works for you.

I just wouldn’t accept schools saying that only immediate family can pick up. I mean, what can they do? They aren’t providing wrap around care, they can’t just keep hold of the child.
We’ve been back at school for a couple of months here (Australia) and when they went back they said to us “no car pools” to minimise risks but loads of people do it anyway because they’re working. Teachers just turned a blind eye and everyone gets on with it.

Could you suggest to your boss that you are in the office during the school day but finish off your hours at home after pick up. I have been doing this for the last 3 years.

My mum used to help out with childcare but then had surgery and couldn’t drive. So mi e started temporary. When my mum then passed away about 9 months after the surgery I spoke with my then boss to say I would approach after school club, but I knew no availability for the days I needed, but might be lucky when the year 6 left.

My boss said she was happy to continue as we were, as I was able to be flexible and travel as needed to other sites (my DH can do pickup, but not every day).

My current boss offered me full time home working about 9 months ago, so I’m lucky not to be affected.

I’ve just seen your update is exactly what I suggested.

I have been working full time since 1981 and have had a variety of employers some sympathetic to families and some not, but all of them expect you to be very honest with them.
If this is going to be a problem then you need to appraoch your employers with a plan.
Explain that covid-19 has caused exceptional problems with childcare etc and give them a plan of action as to how you intend to remedy this and a timescale.
Some employers are not interested in your problems but most realise that we are living in exceptional times and will help you if you approach this like a work project.
Asking for an amount of planned time working at home and how you are going to sort the problem out.
DON'T wait until the last minute to ring up and say you can't come in because this is happening.
DO tell them how this is not going to affect your work and give them a timescale.