Should I tell work about childcare situation?

[BippertyBopperty]

My childcare is turning into a nightmare that I don’t know how to solve. Both breakfast and after school club have been cancelled for the new year and on top of that school will be staggering start and finishing times. We moved closer to the in-laws a few months before lockdown (and so they are the only people we know but both are elderly and vulnerable to the virus). I don’t know what to do. I’m working from home at the moment but am expected back in the office from September. Should I tell my boss I’m having trouble fixing this and ask if there is anyway I could work flexibly? Or do I need to just sort this on my own. (But how).

It’s our headache to solve one way or another. Not theirs

I know this referred to your GPs, but unfortunately the same thing applies to your boss and the fact you're insisting your DH can't help may not go down well either

It's certainly worth asking them, but I wouldn't push it for fear of being next on the redundancy list - especially once they learn you're pregnant. I'm fully aware of what the law says on this subject, but it would be extremely naive to think they can't get round it if they wish

I think this is going to be a nationwide issue. I have a friend who is a childminder who is struggling to work out what she is going to do, it seems like it would be easier to get reduce all her wrap round children.
DD is just going into secondary and today they have told me they are reducing hours and there is no after school clubs/library time. Frankly, I’m screwed. She’s too young to come home on her own and too old for childminder (who wouldn’t take her anyway). There is going to be lots of flexible working required.

@Puzzledandpissedoff

It’s our headache to solve one way or another. Not theirs

I know this referred to your GPs, but unfortunately the same thing applies to your boss and the fact you're insisting your DH can't help may not go down well either

It's certainly worth asking them, but I wouldn't push it for fear of being next on the redundancy list - especially once they learn you're pregnant. I'm fully aware of what the law says on this subject, but it would be extremely naive to think they can't get round it if they wish

I know Puzzled. DH is going to request flexible working. It’s been turned down in the past. We are going to see if we can come with a strategy and if there is no answer I might have to accept being home with the children until life returns to some normality.

Could you work in the office until school pick up and then do the rest of the hours from home?

Quite a few working couples I know one goes in early (7am) and works to school pick-up whereas the other does drop off then works an hour later. Would this be a possibility for you?

It saddens me that on all these types of threads, the husband can't possibly take any time off. If you were separated, what would happen? (not blaming you, OP). We are still forever in this world where the mum is the one making all the sacrifices! I bet OP that your husband is quite relaxed and leaving for you to sort!

Does your DH have a Union? Maybe they could step in if his flexible work requests have been turned down.
Also the world has obviously changed in the last four months, his bosses should appreciate this.

Could you not get any universal credit to help pay for a nanny.

What?

It's utterly crap. My daughter will finish school at 2.45. I teach 50 minutes away from her and finish at 3.35 pm. This will cause chaos for all parents.

@callmeadoctor

It saddens me that on all these types of threads, the husband can't possibly take any time off. If you were separated, what would happen? (not blaming you, OP). We are still forever in this world where the mum is the one making all the sacrifices! I bet OP that your husband is quite relaxed and leaving for you to sort!

What men often mean is they can’t take any time off without compromising their career. Somehow it still seems to fall to women to do that.

I can’t force grandparents to be my childcare if the grandparents won’t and don’t want to agree to it? Can I? I agree that they might not be as vulnerable as they think they are. But it is their decision to make. I can’t force childcare upon them because technically they could do it

No, of course you can't

But neither can you expect your employers to take your grandparents precautions, which are in excess of the official guidance, into account.

Which is why I recommend you take the childcare issues out of your flexible working request, and suggested some other lines of attack to get you the WFM flexibility you want.

I should also say DH is not in the kind of job where he could WFH or work flexibly at all. So this has to be all on me.

It's really weird how so many DH's are unable to do anything at all regarding childcare for their own children.
At the same time, I have literally never met a woman who finds herself in a similar boat of being unable to work round childcare.
What do men do if their wives get run over by a bus?

To be fair DH is going to try and ask for flexible working too. We just don't think he will get it. I do agree that schools and the problems with childcare will disproportionately affect women.

I should also say DH is not in the kind of job where he could WFH or work flexibly at all. So this has to be all on me.

NO IT ISN'T. Childcare is for both of you. IT'S FOR BOTH OF YOU TO SORT OUT.

I work in an office and DH works in a lab. He also earns 4 times what I do. The reality is my work has to be the flexible one around DC. I did have a much better paid professional job but was inflexible and I struggled, I still earned nothing like DH.
At the end of the day the poorest earner is probably going to take the brunt of this issue.

@Iverunoutofnames

I work in an office and DH works in a lab. He also earns 4 times what I do. The reality is my work has to be the flexible one around DC. I did have a much better paid professional job but was inflexible and I struggled, I still earned nothing like DH. At the end of the day the poorest earner is probably going to take the brunt of this issue.

Yes this is very similar to our set up.

DH would do mornings but often he’s doing a 12 hour test (plus set up). He goes in at 7am so he’s home at a fairly reasonable time, if he went in at 9am it would be disastrous.
He’s also the man on call if anything goes wrong and he’s been known to stay through the night to solve issues.
I think without me he would need a full time nanny!

I run a business and our office manager is a single parent with one school aged child. She approached us and we said she could just work in the office and leave at 3.30. A friend picks her daughter up from school and she picks her up from there at 4.00 and then works from home from 4-5.
It isn’t ideal for any of us, but needs must and what else can we, or she do? We know it won’t be forever.
Could you organise with a friend to pick your child up one or two days a week and then ask to leave early the other days?

My employer is being proactive about flexibility for child care issues right now, so I wouldn’t hesitate to ask for what I needed, but I kNow not all employers are as understanding.

If they want you in the office, could you ask to split your schedule. So you come to the office while kids are in school, but you wfh early morning, afternoon or evening. Whatever works for your employer and for you.

Organising something with the DC's schoolfriends' parents looks like your best option. Say one gets them on Monday-Tuesday until 6.30, you reciprocate Wednesday-Thursday, your DH at least leaves work early on a Friday while you work late to catch up any missed hours. Can you ask a few people so that you have extra options to discuss with your boss?

Honestly OP, your pregnancy may well be relevant here. How will your employer risk assess pregnancy in this situation? Will they be happy for you to be in the office, if you can feasibly (and more safely) continue to work from home? Where I work there's going to be a move towards returning to the office for some people starting from September, but with those in more vulnerable categories (including pregnant women) continuing to work from home for the foreseeable future.

rottiemum
From reading other threads, I believe you have to be in the 3rd trimester. I know social distancing is particularly recommended after 28 weeks.

I would also tell your employer op and consider sucking up nanny costs for a short period of time.

@Mummyoflittledragon

rottiemum From reading other threads, I believe you have to be in the 3rd trimester. I know social distancing is particularly recommended after 28 weeks.

I would also tell your employer op and consider sucking up nanny costs for a short period of time.

Possibly that's the case, but it seems to vary from company to company; where I work they've definitely included all pregnant women as a precaution. Either way there's no harm in asking, or doing as others have suggested and submitting a flexible working request; the worst that they can do is say no. If that happens then given the school have said drop offs by immediate family only, you really are left with the only option being to request a reduction in your hours, but bearing in mind it could then impact your maternity pay entitlement. What about making an arrangement with another parent in your child's bubble? Surely if they're together during the day anyway it's no extra risk from school's perspective

do agree that schools and the problems with childcare will disproportionately affect women
Partly because women don't insist on men taking equal responsibility

This is not a problem you have created. Employers from now on really need to be more flexible in how they approach things. Contact Pregnant Then Screwed. They have a professional helpline. They've just done a survey that will feed into the work they already do with the government about how this pandemic means the burden falls on woman who are therefore penalised in a situation out of our control. I would be apologetic to your work in terms of this situation being inconvenient but do not apologise for having kids, for them having to adapt. They should adapt. Whenever a work place can adapt its far better for those with kids, those with disabilities, those with other caring duties and just better for overall mentality and therefore create better workers. I still don't know when my baby will start nursery and I've apologised for the situation to my work in a matter of fact way. I will not grovel or apologise or get flustered about having issues with my children.