Should I tell work about childcare situation?

[BippertyBopperty]

My childcare is turning into a nightmare that I don’t know how to solve. Both breakfast and after school club have been cancelled for the new year and on top of that school will be staggering start and finishing times. We moved closer to the in-laws a few months before lockdown (and so they are the only people we know but both are elderly and vulnerable to the virus). I don’t know what to do. I’m working from home at the moment but am expected back in the office from September. Should I tell my boss I’m having trouble fixing this and ask if there is anyway I could work flexibly? Or do I need to just sort this on my own. (But how).

It's all very well posters saying that men need to take equal responsibility, but what's true at a population level isn't necessarily true at an individual level. OP has been clear that her DH is going to ask for flexible working, but if his employer refuse, of course it makes sense to protect the higher earner's job, no matter how frustrating that is.

OP I suggest you think through the different options (eg working from home, working reduced hours in the office and making them up from home, reducing hours altogether). Then try and think from your employer's perspective - what is the downside for them and how could you minimise that? Is there an in-person office task which you could take on more than your normal share of whilst in, and get other work done whilst at home? That kind of thing. I'm not an employer but I am a manager - if someone comes to me saying "this is how I think this could be made to work for both of us" it's much easier to grant the request.

I'd go for a flexible working request to continue wfh with the back up option of working short hours in the office and making up the rest across the week. But I would approach my boss to discuss it first before putting the request in. Now is the time after everyone wfh for so long. A lot of bosses (mine included) were previously against wfh but are now more amenable to allowing staff to continue at home.

I'd also ask school to see whether they planned to resume services at all. My school is doing morning club for a max of 15 kids but no after school. Seems like different interpretations of the guidance.

How are they fitting everyone back in the office with social distancing? Our office only has half capacity.

When do you plan on starting your maternity leave?

Do you have enough annual leave until then to cover dropping off and picking up your children from school?

I don't see how they can require immediate family to collect if parents want to keep their job and they're not offering wrap around.

Do what excellent said - go to them with solutions not just the problem. I have been in the same situation since June but boss doesn’t mind Where I work from so long as stuff gets done.

I am in the SE and my DD's school is offering breakfast club and after school club (probably with some numbers restrictions), and has said nothing about nannies etc collecting. It's a private school with lots of dual career families so that's probably relevant. I just wanted to put that in there to show that schools are not all being so difficult. In your position, OP, I'd get onto childcare.co.uk and sitters.co.uk and throw money at it temporarily. We have Koru Kids for after school nannies round here but it's London only I think. Anyway, with 2, nearly 3, kids, I would think a nanny is going to work out cheaper for you in the long run and will also help with staggered start/finish times. Even if you don't make any money between now and January, you can see how things are then.

You poor thing. First write to the school and tell them the difficulties you will be facing by them stopping the provision of breakfast and afterschool club. How you may have to give up work and the hardship your children will face. I am a school governor and imho some schools have chosen to cancel rather than find a way to make the solution work. (It's a bit rubbish for you that term has ended already).

Secondly explain to your employer. This is going to be a problem faced by many so you aren't alone. Offer to work most the day in the office and finish your hours at home. Can you use your lunch break to leave, pick the kids up and get home? Then work don't lose productivity. You have proven all this time you are more than capable working from home. The alternative might be they lose you as an employee.

Finally this bit about schools saying only close family can collect children is unenforceable. If they want your kids back at school, have cancelled the wrap around care then they have to deal with kids being dropped off by whoever can drop them off. It might be worth you asking on the local fb page if any parents can help you in the morning- you don't need to be a registered childminder for a short job lile that and you might find a parent grateful for some extra money. I would be.

To answer your actual question, I think not till you've done some more research.

Stop apologising for a situation you did not create. If no-one else has children they simply do not understand the practicalities. You need to lay it out for them clearly: there is no care for my children available at these times. I have investigated xyz options which are not possible. This leaves two options: continue to work from home on the same hours, or work in the office at reduced hours. I would struggle with the financial impact of reduced hours and therefore would like to work from home until such time as childcare becomes available. I have demonstrated already that I have worked effectively from home over the last four months and it has not affected my work. In light of the exceptional circumstances/global pandemic/government-mandated shut down, please say yes to this completely reasonable request to work from home for the foreseeable future. If request denied, kindly state the reasons why.

All the people saying why can't her DH help too. Is it so hard to imagine a job that is less flexible than an office job? I bet you'd all be thrilled if your surgery was moved to another day because my husband needed to leave early to pick up his kids for a few months.

OP I think you should just tell work and ask to work from home after school pick up time. If you've been working from home effectively the last few months they can hardly say it's not possible.

The school I work at is resuming breakfast and after school with 2 x bubbles of 15. Parents told these will e mixed bubbles so increased risk so they make the choice. We are having key stage bubbles. Bubbles can be up to 240 from July 20th so most after school care should be able te resume

I really think you being pregnant is crucial, if they do H&S risk assessments seriously (as they should) they are likely to want to keep pregnant people out of the office in case of an outbreak (so if you did get whilst in the vulnerable pregnancy group - heaven forbid - you couldn’t blame it on them). My office has already said they don’t want anyone pregnant or vulnerable to return. Good luck. Xx

Don't do what one of my staff did.... which was approach me and say they were not coming into work (role is customer facing and cannot be done from home), but they still expected to be paid their full salary....

I would have had a lot more sympathy if they had come to me for a discussion as to how we could schedule their hours round a workable childcare plan.

Employers are keen to retain good staff. They are not keen to retain people who make it all about them with no understanding of how businesses are also under financial stress, and cannot carry free loaders. Although OP doesn't fall within this category obviously.

Di11y my husband has been back in the office since 4 weeks in to pandemic with increased number of desks and floor markings. Masks in communal area eg photocopier, toilets etc

"Having read the newsletter for school it is saying drop off and pick ups to be done only by immediate family."

I don't see how they can possibly require this. It's outside school - they have no powers there. We have a nanny for wrap around care so they had better not try this where we are.

Before you approach work I think you should follow the advice above to approach some of the other parents in your child's bubble.

I would almost guarentee that you won't be the only one facing this problem. Try and see if you can find someone else with the same issue. You offer to do one week then they do one week - drop off all kids then pick up all kids on your week. That way you can offer to work that you work in the office one week in two and from home one week in two.

There will also be lots of parents who have hours which work around school drop off and pick up times normally. Do you have annual leave already booked for the summer holidays? Or can you cope with other children in the house whilst you work? If so offer to have someone elses kids over the summer whilst they work in exchange for them doing some term time pickups once school starts back.

Good luck!

It's all very well posters saying that men need to take equal responsibility, but what's true at a population level isn't necessarily true at an individual level. OP has been clear that her DH is going to ask for flexible working, but if his employer refuse, of course it makes sense to protect the higher earner's job, no matter how frustrating that is.

This. It’s sooo frustrating - it’s all very well getting all Beyoncé at the OP but it is not helpful when she has explained the reality of her situation.

And as another poster has said, is it so difficult to imagine jobs her DH might do? For example, if he’s anything to do with healthcare a) he may work shifts and b) his employer will be under huge pressure atm. Would you like to be left on the operating table while her DH goes to get his kids just because the OP’s got to go into the office, because poorly thought out internet feminism?

Talk to your boss, maybe they can offer some flexibility in your working so that you can work from home after collecting the children to make up for going into the office a bit late.
I am in a similar boat, but I work in retail so I have no option to go in late. I literally have no idea how I will get Dd into school in September.

At my DCs’ school it is immediate family only (at least for September) because again childminders and other parents would be mixing bubbles.
Our school said that they will release guidance on this in August, when they know what the situation is. So far it wasn't allowed for the years that have returned in this school year. They sure like an intrigue.

To be fair DH is going to try and ask for flexible working too. We just don't think he will get it. I do agree that schools and the problems with childcare will disproportionately affect women
This is partly because so many men apparently can't possibly do anything regarding childcare and so many women accept this.

I'm not having a go at you OP, I'm talking generally here, but there seems to be a disproportionate number of men who just 'know' they will be turned down for flexible working/ get their (probably half arsed) request for flexible working declined / couldn't possibly stop doing very long days and yet they will have female colleagues. I'm willing to bet many of their female colleagues manage to do all the things these men claim aren't possible in their 'big important job'.

We need to get beyond the idea that a man's job is super important and a woman's job is a nice little extra to give some spendies / a woman's job is essential to keep the house afloat but also so unimportant that she should automatically become financially dependent on the big important man if anything child related comes up.

I will have this problem. School just confirmed there will be no wrap around, staggered starts and my daughter will be there for less than 6 hours. It is going to be a massive pain in the arse. With us both WFH and staggering my husband and I can cover it as long as I can work early. We wouldn’t be able to go into the office though. This is going to have a big impact on people if it’s widespread.

OP has been clear that her DH is going to ask for flexible working, but if his employer refuse, of course it makes sense to protect the higher earner's job, no matter how frustrating that is.
It all depends on how good his request is.

He can make one request, so the question is has he made it a damn good request where he's gone through the business reasons on ACAS and outlined how they're not a problem or can be mitigated, or has he just said 'got childcare issues, can I do the school run'. If he does the second then it very much is a case of a man choosing to avoid stepping up.

All these men who apparently couldn't possibly do anything childcare related will have female colleagues. It would be interesting to see how many of their female colleagues absolutely can never do anything to respond to their children.

I agree with @Bellecurves (but don't know how to quote) stop apologising for this - you didn't create this situation, the pandemic and the government's response to it are the cause of your issue, neither of which you have any sway over.

I don't know what the solution is, but I'd be fairly unimpressed with an employer who blames an employee for a situation outside their control.

How far away are you from the school? Could you work in the office until school pick up time then make the rest of your hours up at home? This way you’ll be in the office for the most part and still be getting your hours done. Not ideal but if it’s a temporary situation I’m sure your employer would be more understanding than if you’re requesting to reduce hours/work full time from home