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Original poster

Do you love your children more than your husband/partner?

491 replies

sage46 · 17/07/2020 20:00

I remember a conversation I had with my mother when I was about 12 or 13 and asking her whether she loved me and my sister more than she loved our Dad. I also remember being shocked when she said that she loved us very much but that she loved our Dad more. I find myself (more than 40 years later) thinking about this and am interested in other women's feelings on this. For myself I think losing my husband would feel like losing a limb , but losing my Ds would be like losing my heart.

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 17/07/2020 20:34

I’m the odd one out, DH for me.

They’re adult or almost adult thoug; when they were little if there had been a life threatening incident I’d always have helped the most vulnerable one first (probably the smallest).

But they will go off and have they’d own lives and I’ll spend the rest of mine with him and that makes me happy.

OohKittens · 17/07/2020 20:34

Of course, I love my cats more than him too and any random cat I meet out

DisobedientHamster · 17/07/2020 20:37

DC. My husband feels the same.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/07/2020 20:37

Of course my DC
DC: unconditional love
DH: conditional
DC: die for them
DH: Hmm
DC: die without them
DH: Hmm

Hardbackwriter · 17/07/2020 20:37

@LemonPeonies

Surely it's normal to love your DC more? Or at least put them above anyone. I can't stand women who put men first (think baby P etc) but that's a whole other can of worms...
Sadly, though, it is quite 'normal', in the sense of being pretty common, that people prioritise romantic partners over their children. All those eyes turned to abuse, moving in quickly with partners that barely tolerate the children, people (mostly men) who forget they had a first family once they find a new partner... I don't like any of it either, but it happens all the time.
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/07/2020 20:37

And I expect my husband to think the same and if he didn’t I’d think a lot less of him/ be worried

isadoradancing123 · 17/07/2020 20:38

My children defnitely

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/07/2020 20:39

Absolutely without a single doubt in my mind I love my kids more.

I will always love my children, no matter what they do. There are several things that dp could do that would make me stop loving him. Infact he's on thin ice now.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/07/2020 20:40

And I get really quite annoyed when do says he loves me more than our children. I think he's lying though. He is a bit of a wind up merchant.

aNiceBigCupOfFuCoffee · 17/07/2020 20:40

Its a different sort of love obviously, but if I had to choose I'd pick DD and I'd hope DH would as well.

riotlady · 17/07/2020 20:41

Different but equal for me. My love for DD is boundless and unconditional but it mostly flows from me to her. Obviously she loves me back, but it’s my job to give to her and to look after her, and it’s her job to take all that and use it to grow up and become independent. My partner is something “for” me, in a way that a child isn’t, because I can lean on him and he can nurture and support me.

LocalHobo · 17/07/2020 20:42

DH is the love of my life.
My DC are the product of this love and our marriage, we have launched them into the world, giving them a framework to build on.
If anything ended my DC's lives before mine, I would be devastated beyond words at their lost potential for happiness and fulfilment. I would never be able to fill the hole left inside me.
If I lost my DH I could no longer be the person I am. Fully loved, secure and laughing every day.
Part of being a good parent is letting your DC go; roots and wings analogy. To be a good spouse; be true companions and remain lifelong partners.
As others say, when your DC are dependant on you for survival, they must be the priority for you both. I think as they become young adults, they (and you) need to know they are equipped to live without you.

whereorwhere · 17/07/2020 20:42

Yes

HumphreyGoodmanswife · 17/07/2020 20:43

I don't think I could breathe if I lost one of my DC. The thought of losing my DH is also unbearable but its a different kind of love, I'm sure I'd carry on for the sake of the DCs. But losing a child must be utterly unbearable and my heart goes out to anyone in that situation

Rosebel · 17/07/2020 20:46

I think it's very hard to say who I love more as my love for my husband is totally different to the love for my children.. As,the love is,different I couldn't say I who I love more.
I also think it's a strange thing to ask, it never occurred to me to ask my mum that.

LadyPrigsbottom · 17/07/2020 20:46

I think, as has already been said, romantic love isn't necessarily forever. I adore my husband. He is the best man I have ever met. But that doesn't mean we will never grow apart. Obviously I hope not, but we might.

I will love my children more than anything, until the day I die. The two cannot compare.

But my DH is my best friend as well. So, even though I love my children very much, I may not end up being as good friends with them when they are adults. They are different relationships. It's really hard to compare!

Livpool · 17/07/2020 20:47

My love for DS is unconditional and conditional for DH. I live DS more and DH feels the same

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 17/07/2020 20:49

Of course I do. Love for children is unconditional. Nothing they do could make me stop loving them.

Love in relationships SHOULD NOT be unconditional (eg- if they cheat on you, abuse you, hit you etc you should stop loving them).

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 17/07/2020 20:49

@sage46

I remember a conversation I had with my mother when I was about 12 or 13 and asking her whether she loved me and my sister more than she loved our Dad. I also remember being shocked when she said that she loved us very much but that she loved our Dad more. I find myself (more than 40 years later) thinking about this and am interested in other women's feelings on this. For myself I think losing my husband would feel like losing a limb , but losing my Ds would be like losing my heart.
I feel exactly the same as you and I remember my mum saying the same as your mum about my stepdad and me and my brother. She reasoned that me and my brother would move out and make our own lives and she would be left with my stepdad so it made sense to prioritise and love him more. Spoiler... me and brother did grow up, move out and leave her. We barely have any interaction at all with her.
Fink · 17/07/2020 20:51

Ex-H left me over this. He wanted me to love him more than dd, I said different but equal, and that wasn't good enough for him.

Redcups64 · 17/07/2020 20:52

I love them the same but differently as it’s a different kind of love- if it came down to a crunch though I’d save my children over my husband hands down.

Lifeisconfusing · 17/07/2020 20:54

It’s a different love all together but if I had to choose it would be my children xx

SammySays · 17/07/2020 20:54

There is no one I love above my DD, she is my number 1 if I were to ‘rank’ people in terms of love. I’m sure my DH feels the same and I am happy to be 2nd in this one.

Boohoohoohooho · 17/07/2020 20:54

Kids more. No contest really.

My Mum ranked the cat above my Dad which was fair enough really.

Ristar · 17/07/2020 20:54

I love my partner very much but as others have said, I would manage to continue my life without him. Not sure if I'd ever want another relationship, but I'd survive.

If my children died my life would be over. I honestly think I would end up killing myself.