Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you love your children more than your husband/partner?

491 replies

sage46 · 17/07/2020 20:00

I remember a conversation I had with my mother when I was about 12 or 13 and asking her whether she loved me and my sister more than she loved our Dad. I also remember being shocked when she said that she loved us very much but that she loved our Dad more. I find myself (more than 40 years later) thinking about this and am interested in other women's feelings on this. For myself I think losing my husband would feel like losing a limb , but losing my Ds would be like losing my heart.

OP posts:
JRUIN · 17/07/2020 21:13

I don't think it's normal to love your partner more than your children is it? They rely on you (the mother usually) for everything.They are literally a part of you, you can't help but love them unconditionally. Whatsmore they are irreplaceable, unlike your partner.

DidSheReallySayThat20 · 17/07/2020 21:14

It's a different love.
I could go on without dh.. My kids no way.

Itstartedinbarcelona · 17/07/2020 21:17

I always think this is a weird question. I remember friends of ours very clearly asserting to us that they loved their dc more than each other which was really uncomfortable and awkward as I think they expected us to say the same. I love them both in different ways. Of course your natural instinct is to protect your children, but how many ppl have to choose? My kids will leave home and have their own lives but DH and I will always be together. The three of them are my world I wouldn’t want to be without any of them.

ilikemethewayiam · 17/07/2020 21:18

I can’t believe your DM actually said she loved your Dad more than you! I remember asking my DM that question as a child and she said ‘I love you all equally’. I love my DS more but I would never tell my DH that 😬

Hardbackwriter · 17/07/2020 21:18

The thing about 'DH will be there for the rest of my life' - statistically, sadly, he won't. And if he is that means you won't be there for all of his. Losing a spouse is awful, really awful but there's a reason why most people don't consider it a tragedy on a par with losing a child - it happens to someone in every couple.

GameSetMatch · 17/07/2020 21:18

Yes I love my children more, I think I loved my dog more too!

whereistherum · 17/07/2020 21:19

I would jump in front of a bullet for DS, DP is on his own

MistyMinge2 · 17/07/2020 21:20

I love my children fiercely. No one could ever come close. My world would stop if I didn't have them in it. It would carry on if I didn't have DH.

Sosososotired · 17/07/2020 21:23

Definitely different love. However I can see my life carrying on without dh. Can’t imagine it without any of my dc. I’d always chose them over him if I had to (e.g life and death scenario). I’d like to think he feels the same.

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 17/07/2020 21:23

Love my children more, unquestionably. He would say the same. My parents love me and my sibling more than each other. Interestingly my husbands parents say they love one another more as they’re “a team and your kids grow up”. It may not surprise anyone to hear that they have a very strained and unhappy relationship with DH and his sibling. No coincidence I think.

BertiesLanding · 17/07/2020 21:24

I think if you're comparing, then you have both partner and children on the same continuum, and that in itself is a problem, imo.

espressoontap · 17/07/2020 21:24

100% love my DS more than DH, even if he is driving me crackers at the moment. DH would say same, too. Also love my baby in my belly more than DH.

I know if DH died, whilst I'd be heartbroken etc, I could survive. The thought of losing DS immediately takes my breath away and I don't think I could go on.

catbellz · 17/07/2020 21:24

Kids more, without a doubt!

Wereeaglesdare · 17/07/2020 21:27

I'd die for my child. I would literally be tortured to death if it meant not one pretty little hair on her head would be harmed. I do not understand women who love their husband more. I don't know about everyone else but when I held DD I knew her needs trumped anyone else's and the love i have for her is a biological need. I need to keep her safe and happy but DP would want me to pick her over him and vice versa. I understand its a different love but one love the one I have for DD comes from my very bones and my soul. I love my DP in a different part of my brain it that makes sense.

MillicentMartha · 17/07/2020 21:27

DC definitely, even when I was still happily married to ExH. From the second they were born. TBF, maybe that’s partly why he’s an ExH? Hmm

Mumoblue · 17/07/2020 21:27

I love my son more and I would hope my partner does too.
It was very strange becoming a parent, how all of a sudden my DS is the most important person in my life, but I wouldn't want it any different.

PenelopePitstop49 · 17/07/2020 21:27

My Mum loved my Dad more than she loved us. And we knew it.

My kids are my all - and DH would say the same. We'd survive without each other but losing any of our DC would kill us both.

EastMidsMumOf1 · 17/07/2020 21:30

I love my children more but apart from basic care/health my DH comes first and the kids fit in around us.
I don't believe children should come first in every single thing, they need to understand how a family works and that the parents are a united force who ultimately get the last say in adult decisions.

StopGo · 17/07/2020 21:31

I lost my DH two months ago and going on without him is bloody hard. I'm missing a limb. My DC are amazing and will survive and blossom despite their loss. A huge part of 'me' died. My love for DH and DC is very different but just as intense. I would happily of sacrificed my life for theirs.

Boudicabooandbulldogs · 17/07/2020 21:32

Like lots of others, I live my DC more than my DH. My mind cannot begin to imagine my life with them not in it. I would fight for them until the last breath in my body. I would die for them. I love my DH but I wouldn’t stand in front of a bullet for him. No one can say if a marriage will last forever. But a good parent/child bond is for life.

DancyNancy · 17/07/2020 21:32

I can hand on heart say I'll love my children forever. As others have said it's an unconditional love.
I love my husband but I can't say I'll love him forever because that kind of love can change and I can't see the future.
Whereas I know I would always love my children no matter what, even if I hated what they did I'd still love them

stayathomer · 17/07/2020 21:32

no, just in a different way. I remember worrying that I'd love the kids more (before I had our first) as loads of people had said it and I'd read it loads too. Then after I remember being so smitten with dh because he was stellar at the birth but saying, 'if a masked person came in right now and I had to shield someone, I'm afraid I'd have to pick (ds)!'

museumum · 17/07/2020 21:32

My D.C. are a piece of me and my heart. I could not love them more.

But I want them to grow up, move out, have their own lives, and if that’s in the other side of the world I’ll accept that. My dh on the other hand I see by my side until death.

It’s just different.

InThisMultiverse · 17/07/2020 21:32

I feel like I couldn't love my partner any more than I do. I also couldn't love my child any more than I do. But,if the house was burning and I could only get to one of them, my child would be coming out with me. I know and I'm glad my partner would make the same call.

Subeccoo · 17/07/2020 21:33

I'm divorced from dad of dc. Remarried to lovely dh. I love my children more than anyone on the planet, my recently deceased mum included and that does not come easy Sad but children first always.