Do you ever think it is acceptable to smack a child?

[planetfedup]

Only asking (and no this isn't a thread about a thread, just a general observation) but there is another thread here and a woman hit her dog and is being berated on here. However, in the past I have seen people admitting to hitting their kids without half as much vitriol being spewed out. By the way, I don't believe in smacking in any way.

I have seen kids throwing bricks/stones at the Police and swearing at them so if they were my kids they would definitely get a smacked backside. If I caught a kid torturing an animal then yes I'd definitely smack the kid also. Not all kids are angels!!!

@nicky7654

I have seen kids throwing bricks/stones at the Police and swearing at them so if they were my kids they would definitely get a smacked backside. If I caught a kid torturing an animal then yes I'd definitely smack the kid also. Not all kids are angels!!!

There is quite clearly more going on in those households than the mere absence of smacking.

Jamie Bulgers killers needed a flogging!!

Kids who throw bricks at the police are probably the ones who get smacked the most.

Assaulting children teaches violent communication.

@nicky7654 as I understand it both children came from incredibly chaotic, troubled and violent homes. You might almost think being assaulted does np good to ones character...

@LochJessMonster

Controversial but I believe in smacking in certain circumstances. If you pick your moment correctly you should only have to do it once or twice.

If you pick the moment where your child will forever more be scared that their actions will result in being hurt? From the very person the should seek comfort from? Christ!

So you can’t control yourself kitty, you hit adults then?

No. Never.

I did slap DD once. She was going through a biting phase and bit down on me and wouldn’t let go. I had to smack her to get her to let go. I felt dreadful about it (although I had the bite mark for quite a long time).
DH and his brothers were hit quite a bit with slippers etc. He always says ‘it made me behave though’, unfortunately it didn’t work on his eldest brother, who was always really badly behaved. So it doesn’t work then. His brother has always been quite rough with his own children.

I fucking hate it when people try to minimise smacking by saying they "just snapped, kid was being so annoying". Of course the kid was being annoying. They're a kid, it's their job. You're the adult and the parent. What's yours?

Oops sorry posted twice

@ShebaShimmyShake I'm talking a sharp tap just to let them know that what they did was wrong. I see your point, but they won't remember it and it could be the warning they need to stop them running into the road or having another more serious accident. How else do you communicate to a toddler that what they're doing is wrong?

No I don’t think it’s ok to hit children....or anyone for that matter (unless you need to defend yourself). I hate that people think it’s acceptable, it shows how little we value children or understand their developmental needs.
I don’t think smacking is an effective long term parenting strategy (though it might be ok if you are simply looking for short term ‘compliance’) and I don’t think it’s ok morally.

Having said that I don’t think an other wise good loving parent who get frustrated and taps their child on the hand is an awful person.

I do think smacking children should be inline with smacking anyone else in terms of the law. I don’t think there should be any wiggle or than any type of hitting should be considered reasonable.

@Sojo88

Oops sorry posted twice

@ShebaShimmyShake I'm talking a sharp tap just to let them know that what they did was wrong. I see your point, but they won't remember it and it could be the warning they need to stop them running into the road or having another more serious accident. How else do you communicate to a toddler that what they're doing is wrong?

If you can't explain to them why it's wrong, then you can't explain to them why you hit them. As I said earlier: if you can reason with your child, do that. And if you can't, why would hitting them teach them reason?

And what's this "warning" about running into the road? So you hit them before they've run into it? What?

It quite literally makes no sense to say that it's more OK to hit someone the smaller, younger, weaker and less capable of reason that they are. It's completely arse about face.

ShebaShimmyShake I'm talking a sharp tap just to let them know that what they did was wrong. I see your point, but they won't remember it and it could be the warning they need to stop them running into the road or having another more serious accident. How else do you communicate to a toddler that what they're doing is wrong?

Incorrect I'm afraid. They will always know they were hit. You also then can never teach them that hitting other people is wrong because you hit them.

The word "no" or redirecting, positively rewarding good behaviours.

You also appear to think toddlers make conscious weighed up decisions to be "naughty". They don't. They react to their immediate environment. They are not being naughty crating on a wall or asking for sweets in Tesco so hitting them won't help.

Oh and toddler running in the road is your error not theirs. Don't hit them for it.

Sometimes toddlers do make a decision to be 'naughty'. My son knew the word 'no', he heard it often enough. He knew that he wasn't allowed to umbuckle his seat belt. He still did it, and laughed. He knew it was wrong, he just wanted to test me.

I didn't smack him. But I do believe that small children can misbehave just because they want to.

I remember being hit loads of times by my parents. I'm not even talking about the undeniably abusive face slapping, punches and kicks that awaited me in my teens since my parents had normalised hitting and not restraining themselves. I mean the kind of hitting that smackers think is acceptable. I couldn't tell you what I was doing to make it happen, I can't remember any of that. But by God I remember being hit and I remember truly hating my parents for it. I also remember slapping my beloved teddy bear around later in roleplay as result.

@isabellerossignol

Sometimes toddlers do make a decision to be 'naughty'. My son knew the word 'no', he heard it often enough. He knew that he wasn't allowed to umbuckle his seat belt. He still did it, and laughed. He knew it was wrong, he just wanted to test me.

I didn't smack him. But I do believe that small children can misbehave just because they want to.

A toddler might know that you’ve told them not to take their car seat off. They might understand The word no. They don’t, however, have the level of development to fully comprehend the risks of not wearing a car seat or have a developed impulse control.

A toddler might know that you’ve told them not to take their car seat off. They might understand The word no. They don’t, however, have the level of development to fully comprehend the risks of not wearing a car seat or have a developed impulse control.

I know that. Reasoning couldn't work because he just didn't understand the risks.

But he absolutely was choosing to be naughty, not because he couldn't control himself but because he thought it was funny.

Funnily enough, I posted about it on Mumsnet at the time (it's many years ago now) and had my arse handed to me on a plate by about 100 different posters telling me that 3 year olds can easily understand danger and all you have to do is say a firm no, and tell him that you're not going anywhere until he agrees to keep the seatbelt on. Which completely missed the point that the whole reason he kept taking it off was because he didn't want to go anywhere.

And he definitely did have impulse control of a sort because he would, if he really wanted to upset me, wait until the car engine had started, and I had put the car in gear before unbuckling. He knew that after strapping him in maybe 25 or 30 times, that would be the move that would break me.

@LochJessMonster

Controversial but I believe in smacking in certain circumstances. If you pick your moment correctly you should only have to do it once or twice.

What circumstances? And how do you pick your moment? What do you do if it hasn't worked by the second time?

My son has reached for an iron before and I've slapped his hand away. He's 3 and I feel terrible! But I had to react fast and yes, poor supervision etc are all true...hed never done this before and I got complacent. he knew from just me saying "don't touch" not to touch, but for some reason this day he just did. I felt awful but I did what I felt I needed to do at the time to protect him

So you can’t control yourself kitty, you hit adults then

I've never said I hit anyone, have you confused me with another poster?

I have seen kids throwing bricks/stones at the Police and swearing at them so if they were my kids they would definitely get a smacked backside. If I caught a kid torturing an animal then yes I'd definitely smack the kid also. Not all kids are angels!!!

No child is ever an angel 100% of the time, that is the nature of children. A child torturing animals or throwing bricks at the police needs more than a smack, they need behavioural intervention and their parents probably need professional support in addressing that.

I don't think there's ever a valid excuse for any kind of violence, especially against a child.

If you can't explain to them why it's wrong, then you can't explain to them why you hit them. As I said earlier: if you can reason with your child, do that. And if you can't, why would hitting them teach them reason?

The point is you can't generally reason with a two or three year old - as a pp said, a slap or tap (NOT "hit") at certain moments for short-term compliance will get the message across, and hopefully the child may then associate doing something bad with a slightly unpleasant response.

And what's this "warning" about running into the road? So you hit them before they've run into it? What?

No - it would be a parent's terrified response if this had already happened, in the hope that the child would know not to do it again.