Do you ever think it is acceptable to smack a child?

[planetfedup]

Only asking (and no this isn't a thread about a thread, just a general observation) but there is another thread here and a woman hit her dog and is being berated on here. However, in the past I have seen people admitting to hitting their kids without half as much vitriol being spewed out. By the way, I don't believe in smacking in any way.

Smack, no. Though I have properly shouted at my children on three occasions, twice at 4/5 year old DD running onto the road and me just managing to grab her as a car was coming, DS1 once for the same reason, but when he was 7 (he has ASD). Each time out of pure fear that they were about to die, and I still feel ashamed for it. They were terrified, I can’t imagine how they’d have felt if I’d to smack them instead.

*I don’t think it’s ideal and would strongly discourage it but I also understand some carers chose to smack eldery people and that it can be a short, swift response to unacceptable behaviours in adults too incapacitated to reason fully. Sometimes it’s more effective than long dragged out negotiation overload and guilt tripping.

Sometimes it’s done as a reflex to an elderly person stepping into a road or similar and whilst not good, is understandable. I think demonising all smacking means it’s driven behind closed doors and can escalate before help with caring is sought.*

Sometimes it’s done as a reflex to a child running into a road or similar and whilst not good, is understandable. I think demonising all smacking means it’s driven behind closed doors and can escalate before help with parenting is sought

And I agree so much with this.

On a previous thread about smacking there were a couple of people who admitted they had given their DC a smack at the same time as giving them a cuddle after the child almost ran in front of a car and frightened the life out of them, there was someone who said their DC hit them with something hard enough to draw blood/cause injury and they instinctively whacked away the hand injuring them (their child's hand). They were crucified for it by other posters. Parents like that don't need to be demonised and it does no one any favours to mark them down as child abusers.

Though I did once wallop DD across the back a bit too hard while she was choking, probably at about 5 years old. She still goes on about how much it hard hurt 5 years later (and I have since taken a children’s first aid course to learn how to properly deal with choking after that! That was a sheer panic moment too, she’d not been able to get it out)

Not a single time it is ever acceptable to smack a child. No one will ever persuade me otherwise.

Make all the excuses you want about snapping or the child putting themselves in danger, smacking is 100% unacceptable.

On a previous thread about smacking there were a couple of people who admitted they had given their DC a smack at the same time as giving them a cuddle after the child almost ran in front of a car

What the actual fuck?!? Talk about the emotional confusion for a child being hugged and smacked at the same time.

On a clip of Supernanny that I saw online, a parent spoke to the child, accepted their apology for the bad behaviour and then smacked them. That completely undoes the acceptance of the apology.

It is illegal in most of the UK except England.

It's OK to hit your children if you want them to grow up to be violent thugs. I've never laid a finger on mine, and guess what? None of them are violent. None of them solve problems with their fists.

I think part of adaptive, good parenting is recognising that an action is not ideal and putting strategies in place to change it. Strategies such as seeking parenting support from the health visitor, school nurse, books, or classes. Examining what triggered the situation and how they could have reacted differently so that next time they do react differently. Looking at why the child was doing whatever it was they were doing so that the parent can be aware of that behaviour in future and intervene before it reaches boiling point (e.g., was the child playing up due to tiredness or over stimulation?).

yes I think it can be ok, but there's no point saying anything more. No one will accept what I have to say.

My sister once spent an hour sat on the hard shoulder of the M1 reasoning with dn (age 3) who suddenly decided unfastening his seatbelt was a jolly jape. Personally at that point Id have tried a slap on the hand. But in general, no.

yeOldeTrout Don't come to Scotland then- you may find yourself in court for abuse or assault if you hit your children.

Porcupineinwaiting would you have also considered hitting an elderly confused person at such a point?

@speakout

*I don’t think it’s ideal and would strongly discourage it but I also understand some carers chose to smack eldery people and that it can be a short, swift response to unacceptable behaviours in adults too incapacitated to reason fully. Sometimes it’s more effective than long dragged out negotiation overload and guilt tripping.

Sometimes it’s done as a reflex to an elderly person stepping into a road or similar and whilst not good, is understandable. I think demonising all smacking means it’s driven behind closed doors and can escalate before help with caring is sought.*

Indeed, elderly people without capacity do get smacked and that’s less than ideal too.
Is the elderly person without capacity better off remaining in their home cared for by a loving child who didn’t know how else to discourage them from turning the gas on, than being put into an unfamiliar surroundings, with strangers who might just ignore them? I don’t know to be honest. It’s not ideal, but life rarely is ideal and unless we walk in someone else’s shoes it’s probably better to accept minor failings and provide additional support. Sadly children’s services resources have been decimated by underfunding.

No. Never.

That's because this is MN and animals are so much better than children. Where people freely admit to living their pets more than their kids and everyone agrees, i.e crazy town.

Never.

This thread is honestly a waste of time.

Of those who do agree with smacking, 99pc won't admit to it on here as they'll be totally lambasted

My sister once spent an hour sat on the hard shoulder of the M1 reasoning with dn (age 3) who suddenly decided unfastening his seatbelt was a jolly jape. Personally at that point Id have tried a slap on the hand. But in general, no.

Her mistake there was trying to reason with a 3 year old about something so important. Absolutely no need for a slap, but a good telling off would probably have done the trick.
I'm a childminder and every child I've had tries to take their seatbelt off, or slip there arms out the straps. They get told of gently the first time, if they do it again then the telling off will not be so gentle, but there is no need for a slap.

No, I don't think it is ever acceptable. I also think parents make mistakes, though. I've never smacked DD and I doubt I would, but if I did, I'd hope I'd apologise to her and explain I'd got it badly wrong.

@speakout of course not because it wouldnt have made anyone safer.

But as a parent I judge a slap on the hand far less deleterious to my child's health and wellbeing than being hit by a lorry.

There are plenty ways of getting a 3 year old strapped into a car set without smacking.
I agree reasoning is probably not one of them.

I don’t have a problem with smacking personally. It’s not how I do things but I really don’t care what other people do

I don't think it's acceptable, and I don't do it.

But I also know that when I was growing up it was totally normal, I can't think of a single friend who wasn't smacked. And I don't think that we can look backwards and declare that most children up until maybe 30 years ago were the victims of abuse. Values and knowledge change, and but I don't think we should brand past generations as evil when they acted within the accepted norms of the time. My parents were very loving and I only ever remember being smacked once, but they have told me that it happened more than once (although rarely). And they also acknowledged that if they were raising children now, they wouldn't be smacking at all because they now understand things differently.

No.