Do you ever think it is acceptable to smack a child?

[planetfedup]

Only asking (and no this isn't a thread about a thread, just a general observation) but there is another thread here and a woman hit her dog and is being berated on here. However, in the past I have seen people admitting to hitting their kids without half as much vitriol being spewed out. By the way, I don't believe in smacking in any way.

This closed minded outlook, in which the smacker would even consider themselves to be above the law to preserve their smacking and has never bothered even to question it or try an alternative, really shows what's wrong with the "because otherwise I'll hit you" form of parenting. I cannot believe anyone couldn't see how this actually looks.

it is working. I have beautiful, well-behaved, hard-working children to pay tribute to that.

You hit your kids,you've never questioned yourself,you've never tried an alternative and you'd do it if it was illegal. That's not working.

I've done it. Complete reflex. Strapping then three year old DD into the car seat at the supermarket mid- tantrum. I was calm as can be and was generally unfazed in these situations but I bent my head down to put something on the floor of the car and she kicked me square in the face. It didn't take a second - I instinctively lashed out and smacked her back

Stopped the tantrum anyway! I felt horrendous and still do. I came from a home where physical violence or the threat of it, was a regular thing. My sisters and I occasionally had horrible physical fights - all the way up to our late teens. It is very, VERY hard to control those impulses that have been there forever. It's a nervous system response.

I've been determined to raise my DC in a "gentle" environment and battling the urge to smack has hands down been the most challenging aspect of parenting for me. I try not to let that supermarket incident taint all the successful days but reading threads like this make me dizzy with remorse

@ShebaShimmyShake

This closed minded outlook, in which the smacker would even consider themselves to be above the law to preserve their smacking and has never bothered even to question it or try an alternative, really shows what's wrong with the "because otherwise I'll hit you" form of parenting. I cannot believe anyone couldn't see how this actually looks.

It's not a closed-minded outlook, quite the opposite. I regularly follow the laws that I agree with and ignore the ones I don't. That's my choice. If it catches up with me, so be it, I'll suffer the consequences without complaint, but until that day arrives I'll live my life the way thatI want to live it, not in the way that some faceless authority dictates I should.

@ShebaShimmyShake

it is working. I have beautiful, well-behaved, hard-working children to pay tribute to that.

You hit your kids,you've never questioned yourself,you've never tried an alternative and you'd do it if it was illegal. That's not working.

And yet, it is.

It's not a closed-minded outlook, quite the opposite. I regularly follow the laws that I agree with and ignore the ones I don't. That's my choice. If it catches up with me, so be it, I'll suffer the consequences without complaint, but until that day arrives I'll live my life the way thatI want to live it, not in the way that some faceless authority dictates I should.

Bloody hell. I don't think I need to take apart this complete dog's dinner as an approach to lawful living, especially in the context of hitting children to make them obey YOUR authority, even if the law of the land forbade it. Do you hit your kids if they don't flout the laws that you think they should?

So according to you, your kids would be lazy tearaways if you couldn't hit them? (Good job.) Except if they were following your example of flouting rules they don't agree with? And then you hit them? Though you've still not said what you do now they no longer submit to it, or why you couldn't do it before.

I don't know, it's getting late and if this is the level of child-hitting justification we've got to...well, I'll just let it stand as a perfect and entirely oblivious example of why it's so arse about face.

@lukasiak - well, if that isn't the height of lazy parenting! You presumably know the negative side to hitting people but never bothered to try anything else! And your DC are so well behaved that by the age of six they started disobeying you! Your standard of a well behaved kid is very low.

There’s no excuse. And yet, I have.

My child was 5, totally overstimulated and acting up on a crowded train, and tried to climb over the seat and kicked a passenger in the head on the way. I slapped his leg, it brought him back to himself and he sat still. He has no memory of it at all. I was beyond horrified and mortified and would still cry right now if I thought about it too much.

@ShebaShimmyShake

It's not a closed-minded outlook, quite the opposite. I regularly follow the laws that I agree with and ignore the ones I don't. That's my choice. If it catches up with me, so be it, I'll suffer the consequences without complaint, but until that day arrives I'll live my life the way thatI want to live it, not in the way that some faceless authority dictates I should.

Bloody hell. I don't think I need to take apart this complete dog's dinner as an approach to lawful living, especially in the context of hitting children to make them obey YOUR authority, even if the law of the land forbade it. Do you hit your kids if they don't flout the laws that you think they should?

So according to you, your kids would be lazy tearaways if you couldn't hit them? (Good job.) Except if they were following your example of flouting rules they don't agree with? And then you hit them? Though you've still not said what you do now they no longer submit to it, or why you couldn't do it before.

I don't know, it's getting late and if this is the level of child-hitting justification we've got to...well, I'll just let it stand as a perfect and entirely oblivious example of why it's so arse about face.

do you hit your kids if they don't flout the laws that you think they should? No, my children are not an extension of me, they can do/believe whatever the fuck they want once they are old enough to form an opinion more sophisticated than Daddy Pig is really fat. *So your kids would be lazy tearaways if you couldn't hit them? Lol, no. Laziness is addressed by forcing them to ice-skate. It's hard to be lazy when your mum locks the ice rink gate on you. Skate or freeze. Don't wanna skate? You'd best behave. It's better than any time out or removal of belongings.

No

I did it once. Totally happy with my choice. Totally regret not doing it sooner for the safety issue involved.

No interest in people's opinion.
I completely own my decision.

@lukasiak, amazing that you'll question the law to the point of breaking it, but not question your own parenting. It is lazy, closed minded, hypocritical and self indulgent, but then that's smacking for you. We still haven't heard what alternative you use now that they don't let you hit them, or why you couldn't use that method sooner.

It's clear that you know people disapprove and it's more important to you to face save than question yourself. Not a good example of independent critical thought, but again...that's smacking.

@lukasiak The funniest part of all this is that you are posting right now on another thread about children play fighting, stating that if ‘you don’t want to take a punch, don’t throw one’, which means you’ve accepted it as an inevitability that one of the children you’ve abused will, one day, turn around and lamp you one.
Frankly, I hope they do.

*breaking laws and hurting children

I was smacked growing up, rarely but now and again. Most of my friends had smacks.

I dont feel it has affected me, but now I have my own DD who is only 1 year of age, I couldn't imagine smacking her.

My other siblings sometimes say to their children "behave, or you'll have a smack" which they never do by the way just a threat but now my mum intervenes and says they better not lay a finger on them. Strange seeing as she was all for it when we were younger.

As a first time mum with a young Dd I'm really happy to read this thread and all the views also.

I've been brought up that smacking was ok. Even though I dont feel the need myself. My DD is 1 so obviously would never and I can see how wrong it actually is.

I do not believe in smacking a child but I have also seen some who would ‘never smack’ really shout at a child. In fact I have seen some threads on here where the OP has heard a child being told they are a little this/that or whatever and if not a majority a small minority have said ‘oh you can’t judge as we all lose our rag’. How can this be any way less something to be judged and slammed?

The sheer close minded lack of humanity of the anti-smackers here is kinda frightening.

No and it should be illegal. Any parent who does it is a disgrace. Sorry.

@SundayChanger I agree that emotional abuse is just as harmful as physical. I would no more scream/shout at a kid than I would hit them - both are examples of poor parenting. Many parents get by just fine without resorting to either.

The sheer close minded lack of humanity of the anti-smackers here is kinda frightening.
What’s humane about hitting children?

At what age do you stop smacking? At what age do you start?

I’m guessing you start only when you’re sure the child is being wilfully naughty, and stop...well, when they’re bigger than you?

Having been smacked as a child, I know kids will still be naughty at 10, or 12, or whatever age (Im not talking arson/theft/drugs/whatever, just kids testing boundaries/getting carried away/etc). At what point do you stop smacking? Why then, and not before?

It seems to me that parents do it when they’ve lost control of situation (or are just about to).

The closest I’ve got to “smacking” was slapping my daughters hand away from the fire when she was reaching for a burning log (at grandparents house). It was that or her being badly burnt so I don’t think of it as smacking, or as a punishment, but from her POV it probably was. Had I been more “on it” I could’ve stopped her more gently sooner, but I’m not perfect and it was the lesser of 2 evils. I’d list control of the situation though.

@SeaEagleFeather

The sheer close minded lack of humanity of the anti-smackers here is kinda frightening.

Boasting about hitting children is frightening. Taking adults to task for it really, really isn't.

do you really think that taking adults to task will achieve anything? You're assuming some sort of position of authority that you just don't possess.

"a tap on the hand is the same as hitting them" "if you hit them you'll rear a generation of violent thugs" (in the face of several posters who do use smacking saying their kids are fine). Such inaccurate hyperbole.

The last thing some overstressed mum, possibly in a difficult life situation, who snapped once or twice and regrets it is all this judgement.

It tips over into bullying and frankly between a tap on the hand and the sort of bullying going on here of anyone who thinks differently, a tap on the hand in the face of oncoming traffic is probably much less damaging in the long run to the overall develpment of the kid.