Do you ever think it is acceptable to smack a child?

[planetfedup]

Only asking (and no this isn't a thread about a thread, just a general observation) but there is another thread here and a woman hit her dog and is being berated on here. However, in the past I have seen people admitting to hitting their kids without half as much vitriol being spewed out. By the way, I don't believe in smacking in any way.

@SeaEagleFeather

do you really think that taking adults to task will achieve anything? You're assuming some sort of position of authority that you just don't possess.

"a tap on the hand is the same as hitting them" "if you hit them you'll rear a generation of violent thugs" (in the face of several posters who do use smacking saying their kids are fine). Such inaccurate hyperbole.

The last thing some overstressed mum, possibly in a difficult life situation, who snapped once or twice and regrets it is all this judgement.

It tips over into bullying and frankly between a tap on the hand and the sort of bullying going on here of anyone who thinks differently, a tap on the hand in the face of oncoming traffic is probably much less damaging in the long run to the overall develpment of the kid.

I don't expect someone who takes pride in both smacking and not questioning themselves to change based on this thread, no. But I'm not posting for that. Like everyone on here, I'm posting for everyone who's reading, which will include many lurkers. Sometimes the person you're responding to isn't the person you're trying to reach; it's more about the audience. It isn't about "authority". It's an open discussion and yes, we will respond to people who not only hit their children but think it's something to boast about. You're fine with hitting kids, but literally frightened by us calling out that behaviour? I probably won't convince you either in that case, but it'll act as another example to the wider audience of the pretzels that smackers and their apologists will twist themselves into to make hitting children OK.

A tap on the hand is hitting. Would you do it if the person was bigger than you and a black belt in karate? Do you treat it as acceptable behaviour amongst your kids? It's not as bad as the slap across the face to which it can lead (ask me how I know) but it's hitting, and it's telling that smackers know about the comparison. It's the "because otherwise I will hurt you, smaller person" form of non parenting.

And oh yeah, overstressed, snapped, all that. Funny how these people never "snap" when the person pissing them off is capable of flattening them, hmm? And funny how domestic abusers also always say they were driven to it and just snapped, hmm? Again, ask me how I know. If you admit that it was due to "snapping", then you admit it's not discipline, but a lack of self control and that's not something a parent should aspire to. None of us are perfect, but when we make a mistake we should try to learn from it rather than tell ourselves why it was OK really.

As for bullying, if you think any poster on here has been abusive, then report them. It's more than a child who gets hit can do.

@lukasiak

The gloating about forcing your children to 'skate or freeze' as a punishment is, well, chilling. you have no idea how genuinely sadistic you sound, do you?

I'm willing to bet you had a hideously authoritarian upbringing and think it 'didn't do you any harm'.

I hope your children have someone in their lives who treats them with respect and kindness, rather than seeing them as possessions who need to be brutally trained so as to reflect well on you.

Funny how these people never "snap" when the person pissing them off is capable of flattening them, hmm? And funny how domestic abusers also always say they were driven to it and just snapped, hmm? Again, ask me how I know. If you admit that it was due to "snapping", then you admit it's not discipline, but a lack of self control and that's not something a parent should aspire to

Again, lack of humanity and lack of understanding that sometimes yes, people break. Children can be extremely challenging. I agree that it's bad, and people shouldn't, but you mix a grotty husband, no money, no job and bad living conditions and 3 young children and sometimes the mum can snap.

Sneering at them and judging them doesn't help.

What would help is more support and better living conditions and gentle education that there are better ways, much better ways, of handling things than smacking. Judgement is just going to turn someone off immediately.

None of us are perfect, but when we make a mistake we should try to learn from it rather than tell ourselves why it was OK really .

This I agree with

Again, lack of humanity and lack of understanding that sometimes yes, people break.

And again: they "break" only when the person can't flatten them in response and again: it's not something to aspire to or something we should imply is ok. It isn't.

Smackers and their apologists seem to want it both ways: it's good discipline or it's a result of "breaking". Either way it's shash; there are plenty of proven methods that don't involve hitting, and if you lash out in anger, then by nature it's not discipline, it's a failure of parenting and self control. It is, in fact, behaviour that you would discipline for if your own kids did it.

If you are going to go down the "oh the humanity" route, look to the small kids and don't change the focus when their parent arses up. By all means offer alternative parenting tools, but who's going to use them if they think it's ok to "snap"? Or if, like some on here, they've no intention of questioning and bettering themselves as parents?

My parents used to smack. I fiercely resented it every single time: from a young age I recognised that it had much more to do with them losing control and taking their temper out on the nearest object that they could hurt. It damaged my relationship with them, because I really lost respect for them.

I never did it with my children who grew up to be delightful, kind, considerate people with whom I have a great relationship.

*Again, lack of humanity and lack of understanding that sometimes yes, people break. Women can be extremely challenging. I agree that it's bad, and people shouldn't, but you mix a grotty wife, no money, no job and bad living conditions and 3 young children and sometimes the husband can snap and hit his wife.

Sneering at them and judging them doesn't help.*

I use it as an example to illustrate how warped and ugly it is to side with perpetrators of violence.