To ask how much would your happiness change if from tomorrow your DH/DP were no longer in your life?

[DoubleBass9]

If tomorrow your DH/DP were no longer in your life (no specific circumstances behind this), aside from the initial shock, would you be significantly happier or unhappier?

Does your DH/DP contribute to your level of happiness/unhappiness significantly or are they just a small factor?

@rainbowsandrage

Unhappier doesn’t even come close. He is the gravity that keeps my world from spinning out of orbit. He’s my best friend and by far my favourite adult human. I’m a strong independent woman who works extremely well alone, I don’t NEED him in my life, but I most certainly WANT him in my life because I value dearly everything he brings into it.

I realise this thread may have moved on but this post echoes everything in my head and heart just thinking about losing DH.

would actually for me depend on the circumstances. If he left me (say for someone else or s life he felt he wanted more) I'd probably be happier. I feel like he's really disatisfied with his current life (not with me per se but in general) and that casts a huge stressful shadow over living with him. I would be happy to know he was happy (and thus probably a better parent to our children) and it would be a relief in some ways not to live alongside his anxiety, frustration, control issues and perfectionism.

But if he died I'd be distraught because I do love him. We've been together for 13 years, he knows me, I know him, better than anyone else. We've been through so much together. We made our children together. DD is old enough she'd miss him horribly. Death has a finality that can't be escaped. Knowing someone is out there somewhere, hopefully living their best life, is quite different to knowing they're gone forever.

I wouldn't be lonely though. I feel sometimes like all I want sometimes is to be alone, like it's a physical need, I crave it like I crave sleep when I'm deprived of it. I can see myself being happily single forever after, just doing my own thing. Whereas I used to be so convinced of the importance of a romantic relationship, like it was fundamental to my happiness (which may explain how I ended up in one with someone I am not perfect for and who is not perfect for me). If I was starting over I would be SO much fussier. Poor old DP would never have made it past the first year looking back. Back then I was SO much more willing to excuse and understand. Nowadays I'd be a very hard bitch to please as far as a prospective partner went!

Amazed so many would be "broken beyond repair" or "want to die" if they lost their partner! Quite sweet in a way but it must be a personality thing as I can't imagine feeling that way about any man, ever. Full of grief and upset yes, but life goes on, as would I. My DC would be a different story but anyone else? No. After an initial grieving period I'd cope fine I reckon.

I agree with you @Colom

I'd be significantly unhappier. DH is the very best person I know and improves my life so much. He's the best husband and father to our 3 DC I could ever hope for and so kind and caring. Puts my happiness before his own and is an absolute rock throughout the highs and lows. I don't know how I would cope.

Utterly destroyed. He's my soul mate and I can't imagine life without him 💔

Honestly?
I think I would find myself again.
He would be heartbroken tho and I can't do it to the kids

@TSSDNCOP hope you’re okay.

I'm just about to escape from my nightmare of an ex after 26 years. I'm going to be literally doing the samba through the airport.

It's nice however to read how many people are in happy relationships, it's not something I'm personally willing to risk again....

As an individual I would be significantly happier as he sucks the joy out of everything related to me, however my children would be utterly devastated, they adore him.

In saying that though, I'm working towards leaving him at the end of this year, and am literally counting it down, as every day he does something which confirms for me that it's absolutely the right decision to make.

I would be unhappier. He drives me crazy most of the time, and does so many small annoying things, but I know without him life would be so much less enjoyable. He is ridiculously considerate in so many ways that life and we have a real giggle together would be harder and less pleasurable without him in it. There is no one else I want to be annoyed by. He is the one person I know I can tell anything to, and I know he always has my back, he will solve any problem.

Before he left (some years ago), I'd have said I'd be much unhappier without him.

But it turns out the reality is that I'm much happier. And sometimes in surprising ways. It has only become clear to me after the event that I'm much more relaxed, less stressed, and overall happier without him in my life.

This is despite a significant drop in household income and the associated impact on lifestyle. Things I used to think contributed to my happiness.

I could never have predicted I'd feel this way.

Unhappier by far - he is wonderful.

I wouldn't be broken and it wouldn't be the end of the world. But I love him, he's a great Husband and Father and we're happy.

However, I strongly feel that if we did split up, I'd stay single. There's no way I'd find someone else I love like DH, and I wouldn't want to begin again. I like myself enough to know I'd be enough for myself without another partner.

@Colom

Amazed so many would be "broken beyond repair" or "want to die" if they lost their partner! Quite sweet in a way but it must be a personality thing as I can't imagine feeling that way about any man, ever. Full of grief and upset yes, but life goes on, as would I. My DC would be a different story but anyone else? No. After an initial grieving period I'd cope fine I reckon.

I think that's what I was trying to say too, @Colom, but you say it better!

It happened to me. He died suddenly 25 years ago, and pathetic to say, I’ve never got over it. I still miss him.

Ten years ago my world revolved around my DH. He was my soulmate, my companion, my best friend. I adored him. I was so happy it hurt. I thought I could never have carried on if anything happened to him, I would rather be dead.

Then he left me.

And I was torn apart. It was utterly utterly dreadful. And so I know that I will never ever feel that way about a man again, because it can cause me to feel so shit when it ends.

I am happily single now. Very happy. But I feel for all those women whose lives would be so much more unhappy without their DP, because, like some others on here, I know how fast a perfect life can go bad.

It was a relief when my husband left. I don't enjoy living with other people and get irritated easily.
My cat is a far better companion than he ever was and she talks to me more than he ever did.

It would be awful. I can't imagine it. We're about to have our first child, and the idea of DH not being around is unimaginable.

My DP occasionally really annoys me and if we have an argument I fantasise about wanting to live on my own again and how great it would be.
95% of the time we get on amazingly well though and spend a lot of time together. I know I’d be utterly heartbroken if he died.

Oh don't get me wrong, it would be way more sensible to have been alone and/or not invest so much happiness into one person. I often think I'm being stupid, but it's a bit late for that now. I do worry about it though.

I often randomly think of CS Lewis's quote along the lines of "The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before", and try hard to enjoy the "now" while I can.

I think I would be happier, I'm just so sick of being told "no" for everything I suggest to do with the kids/house/whatever. I'm fed up of having to run things past someone else all the time whereas he rarely does and also having to argue my point for any decisions.
I was a single working mum for two years before we met so I could do it again but now I have four DC and have been a SAHM for ten years so I fear I wouldn't be able to support them sufficiently alone. So I stay for now.

I'd be beyond devastated, it doesn't bear thinking about.

Devastated. DH is amazing, a truly fantastic person and father. I’d be lost without him. He’s the best

I have tried to pass on the knowledge I have gained through life to my surviving son, and grandchildren, that you must learn to be content within your self, anything else, family, friends, lovers, possessions, can be taken from you in an instant. I have had many losses in my life and the first few times I thought I could never be happy again, but I have realised that although you can be devastated at a loss, you can recover and make a life worth living.

He's like the other half of me and I would miss him immeasurably. We just understand each other and are both kind to each other. My heart would break without him.
I would miss the laughs, cuddles, sex & just looking into his eyes. I would carry on for our DC but life would never be the same.
A poignant yet uplifting post.
My sympathies for those who have actually experienced this.