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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much would your happiness change if from tomorrow your DH/DP were no longer in your life?

213 replies

DoubleBass9 · 17/07/2020 18:11

If tomorrow your DH/DP were no longer in your life (no specific circumstances behind this), aside from the initial shock, would you be significantly happier or unhappier?

Does your DH/DP contribute to your level of happiness/unhappiness significantly or are they just a small factor?

OP posts:
Chicchicchicchiclana · 17/07/2020 19:58

I think I would be absolutely fine but unfortunately the children would not. And if they are unhappy then I am unhappy.

autumnboys · 17/07/2020 19:58

We would all be absolutely at sea without him. We would have complete financial peace of mind, but it would be pretty meaningless, tbh.

AbsolutWitch · 17/07/2020 20:00

My life would definitely be worse and I'd be unhappy for a while at least.

He's a better parent than me in many ways and definitely a better cook. He's my best friend...I have some close female friends but it's not quite the same. I'd be devestated for DS and for myself as I didn't sign up to be a single parent again. And I bloody love the bugger!

That said, I'd cope and I'd be ok in time. My happiness doesn't depend on him, but he does enhance it.

Iwonder777 · 17/07/2020 20:01

I'd be bereft

He's my other half

Analcolico · 17/07/2020 20:02

I'd have been thrilled to bits if my XH had vanished. It would have been easier than divorcing him.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 17/07/2020 20:04

I'd be completely and utterly devastated. I'd do my best to carry on, I'd feel I owed it to him, but it would not be the same. We've spent the best part of thirty years apart most of the time and now is our time, Despite Covid, we are loving being together.

Ragwort · 17/07/2020 20:04

mrsB thank you for your words and I am sorry your DH died so suddenly .. I reread your original post, coincidentally the one thing we do both enjoy doing together is US road trips, maybe I should focus on planning that for when we both retire.

However I do feel happier, more relaxed on my own, DH is out this evening playing golf, I've just so enjoyed having the house to myself, not having to faff about cooking a 'formal' meal, lying on the sofa watching my choice of tv rather than having to compromise on finding something we both like. DH can be very moody and opinionated which gets very waring.

Divoc2020 · 17/07/2020 20:07

I'd be sad and miss him, but I think my life would become more exciting and interesting.

After 20+ years of marriage and kids we're in a rut and it's hard for me to go off and do the things I'd do if I were single again. Our interests are quite different now.

IdblowJonSnow · 17/07/2020 20:07

Hmm if you asked me during my worst pmt I'd say I'd be delighted! As long as nothing awful had happened of course. But honestly in many ways he's my best friend, I'd miss him terribly and my life would be worse in so many ways.

ellenpartridge · 17/07/2020 20:08

I would be completely devastated and unhappier.

Pacif1cDogwood · 17/07/2020 20:10

Surely it ALL depends on the circumstances? And what time frame we are talking about.

I was/still am devestated at STBXH's infidelities, but now, almost 3 years later, I am getting more and more aware of the freedoms are (very willingly and voluntarily) reliquished in my almost 25 years with him and the positives of rediscovering them again.

Mrsmadevans · 17/07/2020 20:10

You know when they say people die of a broken heart , l think l would die too.

MadCattery · 17/07/2020 20:12

I don’t know that I could get through it. Seriously. I have a bad heart and have suffered a past devastating loss. My son is a 15 hr drive away. I don’t know that I would survive it. I think I would pine for him and my heart wouldn’t be able to take the jolt. However, if I go first, it will be as bad or worse for him. I tell him often that I hope we go together. And he always says “ok-but you’re driving”

DelilahfromDevon · 17/07/2020 20:13

I'd be pretty devastated and I'd be worried about the affect on my child who is very close to him. We have load of plans for the future, including moving abroad and I don't know if I'd want to do it without him but in time I'd probably survive. I"m not sure I'd actively seek out another relationship. I'd be open to it but would chase it.

thepeopleversuswork · 17/07/2020 20:14

I don't have a DH or live-in DP but if I split up with my boyfriend I'd be sad for a bit -- probably for a few weeks/months. I love him and he enhances my life. But it wouldn't be the end of my life. I've been married and divorced before and I know I can survive on my own and in certain ways I prefer being single.

I've been in love many times but I've never ever been with anyone I feel I couldn't live without - never had a "rock" and I'm sort of ambivalent about this. On the one hand it makes me wonder if I've ever truly loved anyone. But on the other hand I'm glad that at some level I'm self-contained enough that I don't feel that my happiness is dependent on someone else.

I haven't made my mind up yet as to whether I'm a desperate commitment-phobe or just someone who basically functions better alone. Bit of both.

Feellikedancingyeah · 17/07/2020 20:15

Unkind to say this but I would have a lovely, tidy home and my Dc would be able to relax

caitlinohara · 17/07/2020 20:17

we’ve not had a great lockdown, we have both been stressed and have bored each other at times I think. But I wouldn’t want anyone else. He is the only person who can make coffee exactly how I like it and he puts up with my less appealing habits, irons my clothes and cuts my hair. And he’s hot Grin

Pipandmum · 17/07/2020 20:20

This did happen to me. My husband died suddenly when my kids were 4 and 6.
You carry on because you have to. But our life is infinitely poorer for not having him with us. I ha w not found anyone else, which actually doesn't bother me, but my son and daughter growing up without knowing their father and learning from him cannot ever be replaced or accounted for. I didnt get married til 40 - I'm used to being on my own. It's my children's lives of what might have been, that I really mourn for.

Picklypickles · 17/07/2020 20:22

Well I'm sure it would be a shock and after 14yrs together it might take a while to get used to him not being here, I'd be heartbroken for our children, but I think I would also feel relief. I'd be free and so much about my life would become so much easier, like a massive weight lifted from my shoulders so I can move forwards again.

WendyHoused · 17/07/2020 20:23

My life would be awful. I have loved this man for 35 years. He's been part of every great thing in my life and he's my best friend.

formerbabe · 17/07/2020 20:25

@Pipandmum Flowers

tempnamechange98765 · 17/07/2020 20:31

I would be devastated. My DH irritates me but he's my best friend, the only person who I'm 100% open with, the person who's seen me at my absolute worst and still stuck by me.

Still annoying though Smile

whereistherum · 17/07/2020 20:32

I think practically we would be ok. Emotionally, I would be upset. But I think I would also compartmentalize and just carry on,

Analcolico · 17/07/2020 20:34

@Oxyiz

It would break me, it's my worst fear - I honestly don't know how I would keep going. He's been my best friend and other half for almost as long as I can remember.

I am so sorry to everyone who's lost theirs Flowers

Do you have children?
Serin · 17/07/2020 20:36

I dont know how I would cope without him.
He is my best friend and I have spent over half my life with him.

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