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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Putting clothes on for guests

194 replies

Deadringer · 17/07/2020 17:32

Just curious what is the norm in other families. My sister had an accident which means she is housebound for the moment. She lives with her dh and adult son. Two of my other sisters visited her recently (seperately) and said the son was present the entire time they were there, wearing just boxer shorts. He also answered the door in his boxers. For reference, the weather has not been good here and not particularly warm. Both said they felt very uncomfortable sitting with him and left after a short time. They are both in their 60s, if it makes any difference. I visited yesterday and he was in his shorts again. I made a joke of it and suggested he put some clothes on. I think he was offended. My sister (his mother) said that all of her sons always wandered around in boxers, and it wouldn't occurr to them to put on a t shirt for visitors. Aibu to think that even if he is in his own home, if someone calls in you put something on? Genuinely interested in opinions.

OP posts:
Lolabear38 · 17/07/2020 20:01

Definitely weird. As many have said, in your own home you can wear what you want but when you have visitors (family or otherwise) it's not a lot to ask to put some shorts on. If it was a grown woman sitting around in her bra and pants I'm sure some more people would think it's strange behaviour, it shouldn't be different because he's a man.

LocalHobo · 17/07/2020 20:03

So this is more offensive because he is a strapping, hairy 24 year old? (Still smarting from MNetters commenting that, because my DS was 6ft at 12 was therefore seen as intimidating when trick and treating) And and unless he is the body beautiful not model-like?
Would this be more acceptable were he an undernourished shrimp?

NeutrinoWrangler · 17/07/2020 20:03

It's disrespectful to wander around the house in your underwear when there are guests. What an odd thing to do!

If he were much younger, I'd say the blame lay at his parents' feet for not educating him and and instilling basic manners. However, by 24 he should probably have gathered that much on his own or at least be capable of noticing that someone is uncomfortable in his (nearly unclothed) presence.

MrsNoah2020 · 17/07/2020 20:04

@2155User

*Sounds fabulous

They complained?!*

This

That's really grim - they're his aunts. Would you think it was 'fabulous' if a 60-something man was oggling his 24 year old niece, whether or not she was in her underwear?
Lolabear38 · 17/07/2020 20:06

@Rosebel

I assume those who are offended by this don't go swimming or to the beach. It's no different to that. Don't like it don't go round there.
I disagree with this - if you go swimming or to the beach there is an expectation that people will be wearing less than they would be say, to go to the shops. You go to the beach knowing this. I wouldn't go to a friend or relatives house and expect to be sitting opposite someone in their underwear any more than I would expect them to sit opposite me if I was in just my underwear. It's common courtesy to wear clothes when visitors call!
2155User · 17/07/2020 20:09

@MrsNoah2020

It's a joke, quite clearly. Sit back down.

GreenShadow · 17/07/2020 20:11

Wouldn't particularly bother me (3 boys here ourselves) but it isn't particularly polite and he does need to learn to consider others.

Standrewsschool · 17/07/2020 20:11

Walking around just in boxer shorts, ie. underwear, is unacceptable. If the roles were reversed, amd it was a 24 old lass walking around in her bra and pants, then I don’t think people would be so accepting.

Should have at least put shorts on.

SimonJT · 17/07/2020 20:11

@JinglingHellsBells

Its not like he was strutting round naked. Assuming nothing was on display he's in his own home.

Oooooh yes it IS!

Depending on the style and fabric of his underpants, he may as well be sitting there naked.

As a 60-something, can I have his address please? Especially if he's hunky and hairy.

😂
Pipandmum · 17/07/2020 20:12

Its simple decency to dress properly when there are guests in the house. I wouldn't expect him to fart and belch and scratch his privates like he might on his own, so I would not expect him to hang out in boxers when there are visitors.

WendyHoused · 17/07/2020 20:13

Pissing hell, he can't answer the door in his pants!

I have 2 adult DS. They would never leave their bedrooms without at least casual shorts and a t shirt. Just as I wouldn't answer the door in my knickers and bra.

xolotltezcatlopoca · 17/07/2020 20:13

SleepingStandingUp, why does that matter? I just think it's inappropriate and rude whether you are male or female. But wanted to know what those people who says fine thinks.

MessAllOver · 17/07/2020 20:14

Goodness, I thought you were going to complain about your housebound sister being in pyjamas when you were visiting and was prepared to say YABU to expect an unwell person to get dressed.

YANBU. Grown males should wear clothes when people visit. My DS only wears pants and no trousers/shorts atm. He's 2 and potty-training, though! But he wears a t-shirt most of the time so that's more clothes than there are here! Sounds like DN needs to grow up.

OhCaptain · 17/07/2020 20:16

My eldest boy is a teenager and he would die of embarrassment to be sitting in his underwear with my sisters.

I think it’s an odd 24 year old who wants his 60 year old aunts looking at him in his boxers! Confused

As for comfort - is it really that much more uncomfortable to throw on a t-shirt and shorts or track pants?? I wouldn’t have thought so!

BitOfFun · 17/07/2020 20:19

It's ridiculous. Reminds each of the son in the TV series Mum Grin.

Personally, even a six year year old in his undercrackers would be told to get dressed properly if we had visitors.

It's the height of bad manners to make a guest feel uncomfortable.

DisobedientHamster · 17/07/2020 20:20

It's skanky and inappropriate, IMO. But apparently a lot of people are just fine with that standard of rank. Vom.

Charles11 · 17/07/2020 20:21

I think it’s really odd too. What kind of man walks around in front of guests in just his pants?
I can’t imagine any male I know not feeling completely embarrassed about it.

AWaspOnAWindowReturns · 17/07/2020 20:23

Oh lord. I opened this thread wondering if someone had started it about me. Since I've been WFH, I've been up at the crack of dawn to start work before the kids get up, then when they do get up I'm splitting myself in half, so I just don't seem to find 5 minutes to get out of my dressing gown till early afternoon (some days not even till tea time) 😳 I open the door to the postwoman, the amazon delivery drivers, the window cleaner, neighbours and tradesmen, and the kids' friends with my hair all over, in my dressing gown and slippers. I must look a real state and it is embarrassing for me, but nobody who comes to the house appears to be in the slightest fazed by my appearance. I'm guessing this means I'm not alone and delivery drivers etc are seeing many people in a state of undress all day long.

Onestepup · 17/07/2020 20:26

YANBU. How difficult is it to put on a pair of proper shorts and a T-shirt?

lurker101 · 17/07/2020 20:27

I’m just a few years older than he is and my boyfriend would be horrified at the thought of this, and equally would have been at that age! Definitely not an age thing!

BitOfFun · 17/07/2020 20:27

That's not a state of undress though, Wasp. You are not semi-naked, just wearing nightclothes.

Spanishmama0114 · 17/07/2020 20:34

I wouldn't let my teenage DS wander about the house in his boxers, to be fair he'd be absolutely mortified if anyone saw him in them

Svalberg · 17/07/2020 20:38

You just make comment like 'haven't you got a small dick?" And when leaving, express comisserations to his mother.

Staffy1 · 17/07/2020 20:40

@managedmis

Sounds fabulous

They complained?!

Grin
LittleDonk · 17/07/2020 20:41

We're the visitors invited? Or did they just drop by?