Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Putting clothes on for guests

194 replies

Deadringer · 17/07/2020 17:32

Just curious what is the norm in other families. My sister had an accident which means she is housebound for the moment. She lives with her dh and adult son. Two of my other sisters visited her recently (seperately) and said the son was present the entire time they were there, wearing just boxer shorts. He also answered the door in his boxers. For reference, the weather has not been good here and not particularly warm. Both said they felt very uncomfortable sitting with him and left after a short time. They are both in their 60s, if it makes any difference. I visited yesterday and he was in his shorts again. I made a joke of it and suggested he put some clothes on. I think he was offended. My sister (his mother) said that all of her sons always wandered around in boxers, and it wouldn't occurr to them to put on a t shirt for visitors. Aibu to think that even if he is in his own home, if someone calls in you put something on? Genuinely interested in opinions.

OP posts:
Delbelleber · 17/07/2020 18:02

I was at a friend's house once and her dp was wandering around and starting conversation in his boxers. Weird! I got her to tell him to put some clothes on Blush

HoneysuckIejasmine · 17/07/2020 18:03

Gross.

GrumpyHoonMain · 17/07/2020 18:03

You aren’t visitors you’re family. I imagine when they have actual visitors they probably do put clothes on.

Covert19 · 17/07/2020 18:03

I think that this can be a form of intimidation. (Not saying the 24 year old in this circumstance was being deliberately intimidating, but it can be.) We have clothes in society for a reason, and having visitors in your home, whilst not negating the fact it is your home, does mean that you need to consider their feelings as well as your own.

Illdealwithitinaminute · 17/07/2020 18:04

I would feel very uncomfortable about this, I don't like speaking to/seeing men without tops on full stop, that might be because round here, there's a few rough guys who seem to wear no tops as a sort of aggressive stance, and it goes with other behaviours that I find stressful. In their own home, fine when no-one else is around, but rude otherwise, my girls don't come down in a bra and pants, I can't understand anyone who thinks this is normal polite behaviour. I'm so glad I don't go around to anyone's house who isn't wearing clothing! My neighbour used to live in his pants, which was quite funny when he put the wheelie bins out, but even he would put a dressing gown on if you needed to speak to him.

MadeForThis · 17/07/2020 18:05

Shirtless is fine. He needs to wear shorts.

Illdealwithitinaminute · 17/07/2020 18:07

Your older aunts aren't family the same way a mother and son are 'family'. They don't live there, they aren't the same age, it's just inappropriate. I'd just tell my adult child to get a t-shirt on please, but they wouldn't do it anyway as I would have told them way before this that it's polite to wear a top and shorts as a minimum when you have visitors.

labyrinthloafer · 17/07/2020 18:08

Well I think yanbu, but there's a neighbour round the corner from us who famously answers the door in skimpy briefs, so you will get a range of opinions!

UnfinishedSymphon · 17/07/2020 18:09

Family are still visitors, he shouldn't be sitting around in his underwear regardless of who visits

An ex of mine answered the door to me and he was naked, he wandered off to the lounge and his mum was in there. He was 27. That was weird

forsucksfake · 17/07/2020 18:09

I hate it OP. My own ex used parade around in his boxers all the time and that and the snoring are the things I am glad to never have to deal with again.

A friend's husband does that as well so I stopped visiting. It's just unpleasant.

user1493413286 · 17/07/2020 18:10

My DH might leave his shirt off on a very hot day but would put on shorts

MotherMorph · 17/07/2020 18:11

I'm surprised at how many people think its fine. I must be a prude. I would feel uncomfortable if anyone (past puberty) was wearing just their underwear and I wouldn't even see guests in my own home if I only had underwear on! (i hate just being in my dressing gown if I open the door)
and the distinction between "guests" and family, to me anyone who isn't a member of the household is a visitor or guest. My IL don't worry about closing the bathroom door when we go over which I think is a bit grim even though we're family, even though its their own home

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 17/07/2020 18:13

I personally would not mind if I visited someone else's house and their son was in boxers. I would want my own son to put clothes on or stay out of the way until the guests had left though.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/07/2020 18:13

He should obviously wear more than his underwear! Unless he is a five year old child?!! I am interpreting him as older than this though?

I agree.

It's very bad-mannered to make guests and visitors feel uncomfortable - childish and ridiculous, too.

Undies1990 · 17/07/2020 18:14

Very slovenly not to put clothes on when visitors come over. I'd be offended if an adult was in their boxers if I visited and didn't bother to put at least some shorts on. People need to have more self respect and pride in themselves. God, I sound like my mother!

Hollyhead · 17/07/2020 18:15

I was going to say that as long as my DC have pants on I'm relaxed about it....but they're 5 and 8! And actually I'm starting to clamp down on them a bit now with wearing more clothes anyway!

NataliaOsipova · 17/07/2020 18:16

Absolutely you put on clothes for guests. I’m not remotely prudish or bothered about nudity; done the whole German naked sauna thing with no bother. But it’s disrespectful to other people not to be dressed when they are visiting. (Obviously, if you have people to stay overnight, no problem to be in pyjamas or a dressing gown if you get up to make coffee in the morning. But weird even then just to be in underwear.)

BlusteryShowers · 17/07/2020 18:17

He should have got dressed. Tshirt and pj bottoms even.

Rosebel · 17/07/2020 18:17

I assume those who are offended by this don't go swimming or to the beach. It's no different to that.
Don't like it don't go round there.

Dinosforall · 17/07/2020 18:17

Sitting around in your pants when you have visitors is grim. Even our 5yo has to put clothes on when we have visitors

TenShortStories · 17/07/2020 18:17

Just shorts (but proper clothing shorts, not underwear) would be OK, I suppose. It feels a bit odd when having guests round but isn't dreadful.

Just underwear, however, is a bit much, especially as boxers either seem to be baggy and gaping or tight and showing the outline of everything.

Imbloodyannoyed · 17/07/2020 18:18

@Rosebel swimming trunks don’t have a little pocket that a penis can slip out of!

Cattermole · 17/07/2020 18:18

Am very relieved to see this thread.
My NDN's son - who is an absolute sweetie, I might add - seems to spend most of his time in his pants and I find it deeply disconcerting putting out the washing while he's chatting away to me mostly butt-naked.

Legoandloldolls · 17/07/2020 18:18

How would people feel it was her 24 year old dd in bra and pants?

I think its rude. Not everyone was ts to see their grown nephews nuts hanging out the side of his boxers ( or did he never sit down? Or is he the only man capable of only sitting with legs always together or crossed unlike 99% of man on the underground?)

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 17/07/2020 18:19

YANBU - that would be the decent thing to do, but nowadays I would get cancelled for that 😔😔😔

I wouldn’t joke around but ask them to get a t-shirt or something on IF they wish to honour me with their presence... ( yes, it’s their home, but manners don’t stop -shouldn’t- stop at the front door.)