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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Putting clothes on for guests

194 replies

Deadringer · 17/07/2020 17:32

Just curious what is the norm in other families. My sister had an accident which means she is housebound for the moment. She lives with her dh and adult son. Two of my other sisters visited her recently (seperately) and said the son was present the entire time they were there, wearing just boxer shorts. He also answered the door in his boxers. For reference, the weather has not been good here and not particularly warm. Both said they felt very uncomfortable sitting with him and left after a short time. They are both in their 60s, if it makes any difference. I visited yesterday and he was in his shorts again. I made a joke of it and suggested he put some clothes on. I think he was offended. My sister (his mother) said that all of her sons always wandered around in boxers, and it wouldn't occurr to them to put on a t shirt for visitors. Aibu to think that even if he is in his own home, if someone calls in you put something on? Genuinely interested in opinions.

OP posts:

JeSuisPoulet · 17/07/2020 18:19

Nothing surprises me any more after seeing a topless man (20's) in jogging bottoms having a scratch and a fondle down the front of them in the queue for the supermarket. He had his hand down there for at least 5 minutes. Felt like I was rubber-necking but every time I looked up, there he was, still at it, seemingly oblivious to the idea anyone else might have eyes.

MsEllany · 17/07/2020 18:19

I think over the age of ten, anyone should be dressed with at least shorts on.

We’re a bit of a naked house, youngest DS is 8 and hasn’t worn anything more than pants in about three months. But even he I would make put something on.

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 17/07/2020 18:20

Yanbu op. A 24 year old man sat around in his underpants with female guests. No. Not acceptable at all.

Legoandloldolls · 17/07/2020 18:21

@Rosebel

I assume those who are offended by this don't go swimming or to the beach. It's no different to that. Don't like it don't go round there.

I have never seen a mans genitals far out the side of their swimming trunks or speedos......

.... am I going to the wrong pools?

Ragwort · 17/07/2020 18:21

Of course you get dressed for guests, I have a teenage DS and he would always put clothes on if we had visitors, he only runs from the bathroom to his bedroom in his boxers, puts a dressing gown on if coming downstairs.

People thinking 'their home, their rulz' would you honestly he relaxed if your DH lounged around in his boxers if you had family visiting, or is just OK because it is a young person and seen as 'cool'. .

notacooldad · 17/07/2020 18:21

I'm clearly old fashioned because I wouldnt' expect to see my DH or 2 sons walk around the house in just boxers unless they were going from their bedroom to the bathroom or something similar.
No one walks around without a shirt on!
It certainly wouldn't happen if we had visitors, family or otherwise.
If others do it that, fine. Just not in my house!

Katypyee · 17/07/2020 18:22

Wouldn't bother me at all. Although my kids would probably put something on if it was anybody else other than their grandparents.

Paragraff · 17/07/2020 18:23

I think that's pretty offensive. I wouldn't be happy with my son or daughter doing that even if it was only immediate family there. Particularly rude as the visitors were women and were a lot older than him. Respect?

gabsdot45 · 17/07/2020 18:23

I don't understand this. Why didn't he get dressed when he got up.

MulticolourMophead · 17/07/2020 18:23

@Rosebel

I assume those who are offended by this don't go swimming or to the beach. It's no different to that. Don't like it don't go round there.

Swimwear is designed to keep everything in. I have never seen a man's bit fall out his swimming trunks in the way I've seen bits fall out of underwear. Or a woman's bits, either.

dottiedodah · 17/07/2020 18:24

Weird! I think clothes are an essential item TBH. I would find this disconcerting to say the least!

Daisy12Maisie · 17/07/2020 18:24

Actual shirts fine and t shirt optional. Boxers only ok for own immediate family

IveSeenThings · 17/07/2020 18:27

I'm more interested in just how many sisters you have? Was it fun or a nightmare growing up? Did you have a brother at all?

NataliaOsipova · 17/07/2020 18:27

I assume those who are offended by this don't go swimming or to the beach. It's no different to that.

I think it’s entirely different from that because there is an entirely different set of social mores that surrounds visiting someone’s house. You expect to see someone you are visiting wearing clothes, whereas you expect someone you see in a swimming pool to be in a swimsuit. In a similar vein, if you went to the GP, or to a restaurant, or to see your child’s teacher, you would likely be discombobulated to see the doctor/waiter/teacher wearing a pair of Speedos....

SmileyClare · 17/07/2020 18:29

Yeah balls nearly always come loose when a man sits down in boxers.

Look I doubt he was "offended" when you jokingly asked him to put a t shirt on. That is by far the best approach.

Far better to say something than leave early and whisper amongst themselves about how uncomfortable. they were (your sisters)

Don't make a storm in a teacup, sounds like your sister has enough on her plate after her accident.

wildone84 · 17/07/2020 18:29

No I wouldn't swan about in my underwear for guests. YANBU. Strictly speaking he can do what he wants, but the 'done thing' in that situation, to make other people feel comfortable, is to get dressed.

JellyfishandShells · 17/07/2020 18:32

Of course it’s vulgar for an adult to sit around in the house with visitors in his underwear. The visitors may be family , but they don’t live there and it’s being disrespectful to his aunts. Sounds like a bit of an exhibitionist, tbh,

Saracen · 17/07/2020 18:33

Yes, it was rude of him not to put some clothes on. If he were extremely close to his aunts and knew they wouldn't mind then okay, but if in doubt get dressed for visitors! I wouldn't particularly mind my adult nephew wandering around in his boxers if I had dropped in to chat with his mum, but if he sat down for a chat with me I would tease him to get him to put clothes on.

If your nephew wasn't expecting visitors and accidentally came out in boxers I don't think anyone needs to be too embarrassed, but he should then retreat and get dressed.

SmileyClare · 17/07/2020 18:34

swan about. Ha ha that sounds far too elegant for a hairy big lump of a man.

Not sure why everyone on MN "waltzes in the door" "swans about" or gets "incandescent with rage" but it's entertaining.

MissTemple · 17/07/2020 18:36

Things fall out of boxer shorts. I remember being on holiday with another couple ( close friends) and his was out on display a breakfast. I averted my eyes and clutched my pearls.

Lilymossflower · 17/07/2020 18:38

If I went to a house and a dude was there in just boxers I would think he was exhibiting highly entitled male inconsideration for others and I would not like him very much because it shows he is either entitled or ignorant and both are shitty

DishingOutDone · 17/07/2020 18:40

What a twat. I bet he has a good old rummage around in those boxers whilst the visitors sat there too.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 17/07/2020 18:40

It’s a tough one because it is his home; you can only say so much. That said, I’d find it a bit odd. I’d think most people would chuck something on - it’s not like he had to dress up. I would have thought most people would have taken the hint when you mentioned it jokingly; but seeing as he didn’t, you can’t really do a lot more.

YANBU - that would be the decent thing to do, but nowadays I would get cancelled for that 😔😔😔

This is unbearably wanky.

Burner1310 · 17/07/2020 18:44

I’ve been to my DBs house and his DS (my DN20) has been in his boxers, it really doesn’t bother me. He must feel comfortable enough around me, it’s just like wearing a pair of shorts really. He’s really laid back and normally wanders back to his pit bedroom. It depends how close you are to him “, I’ve always been close to my DN so I don’t bat an eyelid.

Lilymossflower · 17/07/2020 18:44

What would people's answers be if it was a daughter with two older male uncle's swanning around in just knickers and bra ? Genuinely curious

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