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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Putting clothes on for guests

194 replies

Deadringer · 17/07/2020 17:32

Just curious what is the norm in other families. My sister had an accident which means she is housebound for the moment. She lives with her dh and adult son. Two of my other sisters visited her recently (seperately) and said the son was present the entire time they were there, wearing just boxer shorts. He also answered the door in his boxers. For reference, the weather has not been good here and not particularly warm. Both said they felt very uncomfortable sitting with him and left after a short time. They are both in their 60s, if it makes any difference. I visited yesterday and he was in his shorts again. I made a joke of it and suggested he put some clothes on. I think he was offended. My sister (his mother) said that all of her sons always wandered around in boxers, and it wouldn't occurr to them to put on a t shirt for visitors. Aibu to think that even if he is in his own home, if someone calls in you put something on? Genuinely interested in opinions.

OP posts:
TheStuffedPenguin · 17/07/2020 19:13

It's chavvy and disrespectful.

xolotltezcatlopoca · 17/07/2020 19:17

If people think it's fine, is it ok for 24 years old niece walking around in underwear in front of 60 years old uncles?

MrsNoah2020 · 17/07/2020 19:18

@Nomorepies

It's utterly bizarre to be in only your underwear with guests. Bad manners and uncomfortable for them. YANBU
Agree. But this is MN where it is doing anyone a massive favour to let them through your front door, and god forbid they might need to use your the toilet.

These threads make me sad. I've been to so many countries where it's a point of honour to treat guests well. It's not about whose rules apply in your house, it's about being a decent human being who considers other people.

ScubaSteven · 17/07/2020 19:19

It's rude and disrespectful and is often used as a way of intimidation and control of a situation. I certainly wouldn't visit for long if that happened as I'd feel I was intruding - which I think is the desired effect.

You say the son is 24 - old enough to live away from his parents although I know that there are a lot that age who do live with parents - is he usually quite controlling of his mother's time usually? What is their relationship like?

I ask this because I have a friend who has a son who does this - he arrives downstairs when we visit either wearing a bath towel or his boxers and then parades around, in and out of the room we are in. He rarely makes conversation with us but makes demands of his mother whilst we are there - requests for various items of clothing (ironic) or food that he cannot possibly find in their average sized kitchen. She frequently apologises and has to leave us whilst she tends to him. When we say that we are going home he goes back upstairs.

He is much older than 24 but he was doing this back then too, he has never grown out of the demanding child phase and sees his mother as his possession. She pretty much responds to his every need and she also pays for a lot despite him holding down a good career for at least 5 years.

I wonder if the boxer wearing when her friends are there are to get rid of them sooner? He could, of course, just be lazy and completely unaware of how rude it is.

Starwind74 · 17/07/2020 19:19

I thought this was going to be about whether you should change in to smart clothes when visitors were expected, my late parents always did but folk dress more casually now. Even so I think you should change out of dirty work clothes for eg. I certainly wouldn’t expect adults to sit around in a state of undress. But then I like your sisters am in my sixties so perhaps I am old fashioned.

TheNewLook · 17/07/2020 19:20

Slovenly and rude. How much effort does it take to put clothes on?

If the 24 year old man was a 24 year old woman in her pants would that make a difference? Or can men dress as they please (topless outdoors) and just women who have to cover themselves?

Shedbuilder · 17/07/2020 19:20

Totally disrespectful and it makes me sad that his parents haven't done a better job. It's a dominance display and an aggressive, not to say bad-mannered, thing to do.

TheNewLook · 17/07/2020 19:22

Their house, their rulz

Just about sums some people up. No grace whatsoever. Me me me.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/07/2020 19:24

I regularly have guests in and just sit in my pants and bra......

Or you know, I don't because that would be inappropriate. I don't know why it is different for a man. There would be no one saying this was ok if it was a daughter instead of a son.

MrsNoah2020 · 17/07/2020 19:27

@TheNewLook

Their house, their rulz

Just about sums some people up. No grace whatsoever. Me me me.

Fragile egos, obsessed with being given respect but unable to show it to anyone else. Usually not very bright either.
MargotB7 · 17/07/2020 19:28

Each to their own, next visit let your boobs be free-range over the dinner table.

Grin

It's not really normal to greet visitors with just your pants on unless they are special visitors.

BigBadVoodooHat · 17/07/2020 19:32

His butt. His business.
His house, he can wear what he wants.
Its not like he was strutting round naked. Assuming nothing was on display he's in his own home.

Ah, MN-land, where keeping your shoes on in someone's house is rudeness deserving of the death penalty, but sitting in your underwear when you have guests is absolutely your right and should not be questioned Grin

SleepingStandingUp · 17/07/2020 19:33

@xolotltezcatlopoca

If people think it's fine, is it ok for 24 years old niece walking around in underwear in front of 60 years old uncles?
Well do the underwear cover the essentials and do you expect the uncles to be aroused by the sight?
Mummyoflittledragon · 17/07/2020 19:36

@Covert19

I think that this can be a form of intimidation. (Not saying the 24 year old in this circumstance was being deliberately intimidating, but it can be.) We have clothes in society for a reason, and having visitors in your home, whilst not negating the fact it is your home, does mean that you need to consider their feelings as well as your own.
I totally agree with this. Male entitlement. A total lack of understandIng others may feel ill at ease or intimidated.
LittleBearPad · 17/07/2020 19:36

@Deadringer

He is 24. Great big strapping fellow, very hairy, though i know that doesn't make any difference.
This isn’t helping Not envy Envy

Put some clothes on!

borntobequiet · 17/07/2020 19:39

I blame central heating.

LittleBearPad · 17/07/2020 19:41

@borntobequiet

I blame central heating.
I blame laziness
Purplecatshopaholic · 17/07/2020 19:42

Bit rude really. One way to keep visits short I guess....

SandMason · 17/07/2020 19:44

Yeah... Nope. I’d swivel and be out the door.

JinglingHellsBells · 17/07/2020 19:45

It's not a T shirt he needs but a pair of trousers FGS!

Why do visitors want to see his lunch pack barely hidden by some boxers?

It's rude and very bad mannered of him.

TimeWastingButFun · 17/07/2020 19:46

My son walks around in loungewear when he's home - loose long pants and t shirt, but he always changes if visitors arrive.

JinglingHellsBells · 17/07/2020 19:47

Its not like he was strutting round naked. Assuming nothing was on display he's in his own home.

Oooooh yes it IS!

Depending on the style and fabric of his underpants, he may as well be sitting there naked.

As a 60-something, can I have his address please? Especially if he's hunky and hairy.

2155User · 17/07/2020 19:48

*Sounds fabulous

They complained?!*

This

Hopeisnotastrategy · 17/07/2020 19:58

That level of undress is acceptable (in company) on the beach or at the swimming pool. Otherwise no.

Lolabear38 · 17/07/2020 20:01

Definitely weird. As many have said, in your own home you can wear what you want but when you have visitors (family or otherwise) it's not a lot to ask to put some shorts on. If it was a grown woman sitting around in her bra and pants I'm sure some more people would think it's strange behaviour, it shouldn't be different because he's a man.