To think my friend is damaging her DD?

[wineandfajitas]

My friend has a 7 year old DD, she is a single mum and we are very close, we see each other every day so I spend a lot of time with her and her DD.

They seem to have a really, for lack of a better word, banterish relationship. They are always bantering with each other and it's just nothing I've ever seen before.

My friend does discipline her DD if necessary and she seems to respect her. She is a good mum in all other ways but it's just this constant banter. I find it strange.

Her DD is only 7 and already very sarcastic and uses insults as humour. They seem to just take the piss out of each other and play fight for fun. She does kiss and hug her daughter and tell her she loves her but 70 percent of their relationship is just constant banter as if they're friends.

AIBU to think this may affect her DD in later life and that it isn't normal?

I think we can all agree that raising children without boundaries is not a good thing. I think most of us agree that isn't what is happening in this case. Beyond that, we all have different tastes in what is funny and what is not, and some of us have forgotten what it is like to be a child.

WhatTheD1ckens, I don't think Op's friend is a lazy parent. Obviously can't know for sure, but nothing op described sounds like lazy parenting to me. But that's my opinion.

Humouring a child who could be going through a cheeky stage is not wrong nor disrespectful
Your not a parent you have no idea a 24/7 behaviour or style of parenting
Maybe your a serious person and they are Not.
We do not all live in the p.c world
I vote sarcasm is clever not low:
Your comment how your friend says
The sort yourself out and shake it off is to not focus on the negative but look past it ya moron

I see nothing damaging, only might be a slight "cultural difference" when spending time with other families.

@Gurtcha

* gumball37 Wow. I can't even see this as an issue... But this is my house.

3yo: can I have a drink
Me: no
3yo: why
Me: cause you stink like poop
Both: laughing

Then she gets her drink 🤷
How childish hmm*

The 3 year old is a child

The adult isn’t. You know, the one teaching the three year old that that's an acceptable way to speak to others.

You'd hate my style of parenting then.

Why do you feel the need to hold a 3 year old up to an adults standards though? They’re not adults, they can’t behave like adults and that’s why getting down to their level builds healthy relationships.

Why do you feel the need to hold a 3 year old up to an adults standards though? They’re not adults, they can’t behave like adults and that’s why getting down to their level builds healthy relationships.

I’m not. I’m holding an adult up to an adult's standard. I expect adults to behave like adults. In the conversation quoted the adult was initiating the immaturity 🤷‍♀️

I think children don’t need adults to 'get down to their level' 🤷‍♀️

Get a job

@ItsSummer

It's called having fun. We joke and enjoy each other. If you think that's childish.... Then I'm childish. Works for my family. 🤷

Myself and eldest are like this, he'd never banter eg in school where the teachers all gush about how lovely he is. I think it's a great relationship to have and as long as she's polite to you it means she knows not to carry it on with other people.

My DH is like this with our DDs (11 and 8). He also has a very dry sense of humour; he's one of those people who can maintain a completely deadpan expression and my DM has a difficult time knowing whether he's being serious or not.

We have zero tolerance with rudeness or backchat from our DDs, though. And they're always described as polite by other people, at school and friends' parents. They can be rude with their 2 Grandmas, though, but they get a stern ticking off from them when they do that, and from us.

So it really is possible to share humour with your DC, whist at the same time teaching clear boundaries and good manners. A sense of humour really is important, I think. Anyway, it's how my DH is, so he's not likely to change. (I roll my eyes sometimes admittedly. )

I joke around with my kids loads . We still maintain boundaries and are disciplined when rude or go too far and I always have comments about how polite they are and they know when it is appropriate and not appropriate to have a laugh.

ItsSummer, I don't think adults need to get down to child's level all the time. And I don't think you need to do it at all, if you don't want to. But there is nothing wrong in doing so and having fun. I don't/can't do it, but I do find it very nice to see my dh do it with our dc. I think it's to do with personality, but I am so glad my dh is nothing like me, rigid and serious.

Maybe part of the problem is some people think sarcasm is great. But many people don't. Personally, sarcasm doesn't work for me, it's not funny to me. It seems to often be used to hide a mean comment with 'Im only joking."

DS14 and I have a laugh with one another often. He's never rude, but we are all the kind of people who can laugh at themselves. He helped me build furniture this week and said something where his voice did that teen-boy squeak at the end, we both laughed so much we dropped the furniture and spoke to one another in squeaks for ages afterwards.

I think it's about people finding that balance; my DC laugh and joke with DH and I in ways they wouldn't at school or with Grandparents. I'm sure to outsiders it might seem cheeky, but they have very definite boundaries and are great DC, so I'm ok if it wouldn't work for other families.

People who insult their kids as a joke need to have a word with themselves. Just cause they as adults don't mind being insulted doesn't mean the kid doesn't mind, even if they do laugh! Your child is not you, treat them with some fucking respect!

Italiangreyhound, I don't think it's a issue with this thread. I am similar to you, I don't find the sarcasm funny. But I do find it it's totally fine if the person/child knows the boundary and limit. Op's friend's dd do it with her mum. Don't do it with OP or at school. Same for my dc, he does it to his dad, but not to me. He is older than 7, and he never had any problem so far. If the trust is mutual, it doesn't always mean hiding a mean comment behind the joke.

I do agree with not hiding s mean comment behind a joke. DD worries about her nose, so I'd never joke about that, for example.