Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is weird? Or have I majorly blundered?

231 replies

Stickystick · 14/07/2020 17:38

Am single parent, one DC6. Fairly risk tolerant but cancelled our holiday abroad this summer because breathing recycled air cheek by jowl with 400 randoms on a plane for hours seemed a bad idea...

However poor DC6 has been cooped up in our little flat for months now, not getting much exercise or fresh air, and I have been trying to think of somewhere affordable where we haven’t been before that we could drive to for a week’s adventure. Then I remembered his godmother (also his father’s sister) has some land in a remote part of England with a few holiday cottages on it - very socially distanced, lots of nature. I could see from their website that they had availability in August, so I wrote to her and asked if we could rent one of the cottages for a week - paying full market price, naturally, because I didn’t want her to think she had to turn down paying guests to make room for us.

Her reply was odd though - was perfectly polite, said “would be lovely to see DC6 at some point” and didn’t answer the “can we please book” question at all.

I left it for a couple of weeks thinking maybe more was coming/they were waiting to see what happened with Government rules, but radio silence.

So I just mentioned it to my DC6’s dad (her brother), with whom I am on amicable terms, thinking maybe he could put in a word.

He said, rather grimly “Ah yes, I heard about that.”

He went on to say that my request was totally weird and put his sister in a very awkward position. He said, why would you pick their cottages out of all the other holiday destinations in the country? He said that DC6 is “family” (implication being that I am not) and it would be totally bizarre for DC6 to be staying on their land as a paying guest. If DC6 were to go, it should be with him (DC6’s dad) as he is the connection between DC6 and his aunt, and it would be downright weird for DC6 to be there otherwise.

I am puzzled and a bit hurt by this - I wouldn’t say we are madly close to the aunt as she lives a fair way away, and DC6 and I are not part of mass family gatherings (not that there are many) as I am not with his father, but I think our interactions have always been very respectful and polite, presents sent, thank you letters written etc. I don’t think it would be weird at all to be a paying guest on her land - I can afford the rent and IMO it would be CF-ery to be anything else (ie expecting a freebie, inviting ourselves to stay in their own house etc). I thought of their cottages because it’s an area I don’t know, and she always mentions the wonderful nature whenever she writes to us: I think DC6 would love it.

Was my request unreasonable? Or have I committed a genuine faux pas? Is there anything that can be done?

OP posts:
TenShortStories · 14/07/2020 21:22

I expect all the pieces would fall into place if you privy to whatever he's said about you to his family.

I would say that the fact that asking her seems fine to everyone on here, yet played out so strangely for you all points to your ex and the picture he's painted of your ongoing relationship.

VenusTiger · 14/07/2020 21:23

*son

slipperywhensparticus · 14/07/2020 21:24

Send her a message saying (ex) has contacted you and that your aware now that your not welcome as a paying customer apologise for the inconvenience caused rest assured you won't try and book a holiday either her again shame but the UK is a very large place

And tell ex he is in charge of the thank you emails from now on

His family sound weirder than my exes and his are fucking weird

Italiangreyhound · 14/07/2020 21:29

On reflection I agree with VenusTiger "... send her an email thanking her for responding and make out you've not spoken to your ex at al, and ask when you can come and how to pay. Ignore ex who is still controlling you. Your former sisIL said it would be lovely to see your DS, so go. Don't put your ex in the middle anymore, he's your ex OP."

It's not his business where you go on holiday.

Mydogisthebestest · 14/07/2020 21:29

I don’t get it. I just don’t. Of all the places you,could have booked you want to go to your ex’s sister. And it wasn’t an amicable break up.

Why? Who would actually do that in real life?

ThickFast · 14/07/2020 21:31

Really ducking weird. She obvs feels awkward about it for some reason. Whereas I think it sounds lovely. Some people just can’t handle anything that it’s neat and tidy. An ex partner is not a neat and tidy concept to some people. Can’t just be normal about it.

Magnificentbeast · 14/07/2020 21:38

She's being weird.

Magnificentbeast · 14/07/2020 21:38

She's being weird.

NataliaOsipova · 14/07/2020 21:41

@VenusTiger But if availability is shown on a website, it’s a pretty obvious lie....and it’s pretty tough to ignore someone you want to stay on good terms with (especially if there’s a family child involved). Agree the DH angle potentially makes it more difficult still - but I think the aunt just felt put in a difficult position. I think I’d have felt the same, honestly. It’s one thing to take money off a random from the Internet....but quite another from your family or friends. OP obviously has the best of intentions, but I can understand why the aunt felt discomfited.

Diverseopinions · 14/07/2020 21:42

As virtually everybody else has said, you are being very reasonable, and, to boot, giving the aunt an easy and lovely opportunity to see her godson. However, I can see a possible cause of awkwardness. If it's extensive land with three or four cottages around a big house, it sounds as though it's a manor house sort of set up with little tithe cottages rented out. Could DS dad feel a little bit awkward about you, OP, seeing how the family live in this gracious, genteel, even if shabby genteel way, and feel a bit awkward about you experiencing their inner family workings within their comfort zone. He managed and controlled access when you were a couple. Most separated couples, in my experience, want to play down their advantages, good fortune and wealth as they are always aiming to plead poverty and constrained circumstances in case too many demands are put on them in future. Is the big house an ancient sort of ancestral family home?

Karenista · 14/07/2020 21:57

I’ve not read other responses but I think I’m going against the grain here... she will have felt like she should be offering you a discount/freebie if you were interested in going and you’ve probably put her in an awkward position without meaning to.
E.g if it were me, I’d never charge my ex SiL and niece/nephew full price. I’d rather give a massive discount or even a freebie, bit after being closed for 6 moths I’d feel financially unable to do so.
I wouldn’t worry about having asked - I’d just be more understanding of why she’s not keen.

SirVixofVixHall · 14/07/2020 22:25

I couldn’t charge my nephew and his mother rent, I think she is in an awkward position, she needs the rent, but would feel v uncomfortable charging you.

Original poster
Stickystick · 14/07/2020 22:35

@SirVixofVixHall Honestly I don’t know if she needs the rent or not. I have the distinct impression it is not their sole or even main source of income. However that’s not really relevant, I made it crystal clear I would be paying the going rate. Wherever we go we will be paying anyway, and I’d rather it went to them than Premier Inns.

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 14/07/2020 22:38

Yes but she may feel that she can’t charge you. I would feel that too, so I understand. It would be really mean for your son’s Aunt to charge you .

mellowww · 14/07/2020 22:41

They are weird. She should have offered you it for free.

Original poster
Stickystick · 14/07/2020 22:46

Right so I’ve emailed DC6’s aunt. I just looked again on their website and it’s now fully booked for the rest of the summer, so that’s handy all round. So I just said that I’d heard from his dad that there was some awkwardness, which would explain why she hadn’t given me an answer, said sorry if there’d been a misunderstanding but thought it would be nice for DC6, absolutely would have paid (just in case any issue about that), and does she know anywhere else of similar sort we could stay -where it isn’t weird-.

My bet is I do not get a reply to the email, and DC6’s dad rings up in high dudgeon tomorrow or Thursday to ask what was I thinking of. But it needed to be sent.

OP posts:
003point5 · 14/07/2020 22:57

I said “father’s sister” rather than just “aunt” so it was clear it was not my sister, or my brother’s wife, or his father’s brother’s wife, because that is pertinent to the situation. Nor could I say SIL because we weren’t married

That's funny! That's what brackets are for! 'his Aunt' (father's sister).

AdobeWanKenobi · 14/07/2020 23:04

@003point5

I said “father’s sister” rather than just “aunt” so it was clear it was not my sister, or my brother’s wife, or his father’s brother’s wife, because that is pertinent to the situation. Nor could I say SIL because we weren’t married

That's funny! That's what brackets are for! 'his Aunt' (father's sister).

I mean, does it matter? You knew what she meant for goodness sake.
Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 14/07/2020 23:19

They're really weird bit more than that, they're really bloody rude! It's not like you were asking for a free holiday or even a discount. Weirdos.

areallthenamesusedup · 14/07/2020 23:21

my guess is she would feel bad charging, so wouldn't charge you but they didnt want to lose a weeks peak season rent?

Or maybe they think if you go they would have to entertain you, assuming they live locally.

youhave4substitutes · 14/07/2020 23:25

I don't think it's weird. Of all the places to stay you want to stay at your ex's sisters but pay her.

She wouldn't know whether to give you privacy and maintain professional standards (as you've paid) or whether to entertain, feed and socialise with you (as it's her nephew). Awkward or what? Confused

I got on just fine with my brothers ex, mother if my niece. But I don't want her to come and stay, we'd have little or nothing to talk about.

Mnhealth202020 · 14/07/2020 23:26

I agree that he’s probably told his family lots of bitchy things about you, which has coloured their perception of you. She might not like you as much as you may think.

Personally I wouldn’t have sent the part of the email asking if she knows where else you can stay. They’ll probably twist that around as “weird” or say that you’re guilt tripping her into letting you stay or something, as she seems hellbent on getting the wrong end of the stick.

youhave4substitutes · 14/07/2020 23:29

"sorry but I think your ex is a liar. I don't believe she's said anything of the sort to him OP. She's got in touch with him to check if he's alright with the arrangement before she accepts your booking- he's kicked off and told you both no. If I were you, I'd either, get someone else to book it for you online"

Wtf?! Grin you'd turn up regardless at someone's holiday cottage. That's crazy. If this happened to me I'd immediately text or ring my brother and say "Louisa has asked to book a cottage, awkward" Confused

003point5 · 14/07/2020 23:29

AdobeWanKenobi

I mean, does it matter? You knew what she meant for goodness sake

Crikey, someone is grumpy tonight

WaterOffADucksCrack · 14/07/2020 23:35

But I don't want her to come and stay It's a good job that isn't what the OP is suggesting then since she would be staying in one of several cottages they own.
we'd have little or nothing to talk about. Thankfully this wouldn't be an issue since the aunt would be at home and the OP would be in her rented cottage.