To think this is weird? Or have I majorly blundered?

[Stickystick]

Am single parent, one DC6. Fairly risk tolerant but cancelled our holiday abroad this summer because breathing recycled air cheek by jowl with 400 randoms on a plane for hours seemed a bad idea...

However poor DC6 has been cooped up in our little flat for months now, not getting much exercise or fresh air, and I have been trying to think of somewhere affordable where we haven’t been before that we could drive to for a week’s adventure. Then I remembered his godmother (also his father’s sister) has some land in a remote part of England with a few holiday cottages on it - very socially distanced, lots of nature. I could see from their website that they had availability in August, so I wrote to her and asked if we could rent one of the cottages for a week - paying full market price, naturally, because I didn’t want her to think she had to turn down paying guests to make room for us.

Her reply was odd though - was perfectly polite, said “would be lovely to see DC6 at some point” and didn’t answer the “can we please book” question at all.

I left it for a couple of weeks thinking maybe more was coming/they were waiting to see what happened with Government rules, but radio silence.

So I just mentioned it to my DC6’s dad (her brother), with whom I am on amicable terms, thinking maybe he could put in a word.

He said, rather grimly “Ah yes, I heard about that.”

He went on to say that my request was totally weird and put his sister in a very awkward position. He said, why would you pick their cottages out of all the other holiday destinations in the country? He said that DC6 is “family” (implication being that I am not) and it would be totally bizarre for DC6 to be staying on their land as a paying guest. If DC6 were to go, it should be with him (DC6’s dad) as he is the connection between DC6 and his aunt, and it would be downright weird for DC6 to be there otherwise.

I am puzzled and a bit hurt by this - I wouldn’t say we are madly close to the aunt as she lives a fair way away, and DC6 and I are not part of mass family gatherings (not that there are many) as I am not with his father, but I think our interactions have always been very respectful and polite, presents sent, thank you letters written etc. I don’t think it would be weird at all to be a paying guest on her land - I can afford the rent and IMO it would be CF-ery to be anything else (ie expecting a freebie, inviting ourselves to stay in their own house etc). I thought of their cottages because it’s an area I don’t know, and she always mentions the wonderful nature whenever she writes to us: I think DC6 would love it.

Was my request unreasonable? Or have I committed a genuine faux pas? Is there anything that can be done?

I'd message back "Dear (DS Godmother), the idea just popped into my head as me and DC have cancelled our abroad holiday. As your cottages are in a lovely location, it would have been nice to have given our holiday money to a family member rather than another Air B&B. We have now made alternative arrangements. DC is due to see their father on (date) so that might be a good time to ask (DF) when you can visit DC."

I guess she doesn't like you 🤷 bit shit, but not a lot u can do.

The Aunt probably feels in an awkward position in that if she charges you that’s a bit tight given he’s her Nephew and if she lets you have it for free she loses a weeks rental income.

Wasn’t there a booking tool you could have used? By contacting her direct it at least implies you’re sniffing around for a discount.

Crikey!

That sounds madder than a box of frogs! The family response, not your request!

Tell her and DCs dad that you are sorry you intruded on some wierd family ritual, you had no idea it would cause such a fuss!

And then book somewhere else. Its no real problem for you and now you know.,... they are very protective of what they see as theirs, and damned interlopers! You being the damned interloper, and your DC as 'theirs'!

Very weird on the godmothers part! Don't let it rattle you just be glad you don't have to deal with her very often!!

Find somewhere else to book so you have something to look forward to.

I guess it's a little weird to ask because she's related to your ex but I wouldn't say a major blunder if you already write to each other. She has handled it weirdly by totally ignoring your request. Chalk it up to experience and go somewhere else.

Another one for you not being the weird one! I can't even imagine on what grounds SHE found this to be strange!

I think you’ve got it here. They want his first time visiting there to be with his dad, and their family. You’re not included.

Sorry op, I personally wouldn’t have a problem with this but I suppose it’s their choice, so you have to respect that.

So another angle.... Maybe be that with Coronavirus she hasn’t been able to take bookings as usual so her incomes down this year, then you’ve said your looking to come and as much as she would like you to come and offer a discount, she’s not financially able to so it’s put her in a pickle. August is also the most expensive time of the year (bar Christmas and new year) so again giving you a discount would mean more loss to her?

She was rude not to reply at all - she could have asked her brother to speak to you.

I do sort of see where she’s coming from, a little bit.

Not that I think you did anything wrong.

But some people do think they have to take sides (not against you as such - more no longer seeing you as family) and if you’re a bit odd like that I can see that it would be weird to have a nephew staying with a no-longer-SIL.

Is she supposed to ignore you both? That would feel wrong.
Can she steal nephew off you for a bit - no, you don’t take a 6yo off their mum when they’re on holiday together.
Does she spend time with both of you? Not if that feels odd to her that you are “the ex.”

You did NOTHING wrong.
She’s odd.
But I can vaguely see where she’s coming from.

I am imagining if my ex took my son to stay with my family. I actually do think I’d be a put out - of all the places you could go, you choose to hog my family?

Unless I’m reading your message wrong, it sounds like your ex agreed? Are you sure it’s not his actual opinion? That his sister told him and he wasn’t happy - and she ignored your request as she didn’t want to be the bad guy?

The aunts weird, as is your child’s father to agree with her

I would go to that area, and stay elsewhere, so you get there first with him, but I am petty like that

Could you not just have booked it through the website? If yes then yabu.

If everyone has to write to check availabilty/book then yanbu.

She thinks (wrongly) that you were angling for a freebie, and that’s what’s made it awkward. Clearly from what your ex has said this has now become a matter of family gossip, which is very unfair on you.

You have done nothing wrong, just find somewhere else to holiday and forget about it.

Most people I know should be hurt if you’d booked a “competitor” cottage instead. They seem weird. Almost everybody I know who has a holiday cottage is often renting to family and friends and friends if friends by word of mouth.

How very weird of them !
They should be welcoming you with open arms - a full paying guest AND family AND a lovely 6 year old to boot !

Come to Wales instead you are more than welcome here

I think the first response here tells the story... most people will presume, rightly or wrongly; that you’re after a discount or a special rate.

There’s a good chance that she’d also have been put out if she’d found out that you’d booked somewhere close without using her; though... So I don’t think you can win.

YANBU

As horrible as it is to realise you are unwelcome in their family some people don't cope well with breakups and I would just accept it and book somewhere else.

I would however play the bigger person and send an apology email 'sorry if I made you feel awkward, of course we can book somewhere else' although of course there is nothing to apologise for, but I wouldn't want to be blamed for creating problems for DS down the line. Then I would allow myself to feel just a little bit smug for clearly being the mature adult in the situation!

Very odd

It's weird - incredibly weird in fact - but I would imagine she thought you were vying for a freebie even though you were not. Think DDs dad should help you out on this one but I'd look for somewhere else

weird as fuck.

Right and apologise ( not that you’ve done anything wrong but she feels awkward).
Say why you thought it was a good idea ie you know they are nice places and socially distanced and she is the god parent. You are happy to pay as you are taking a booking away from them

You have to reply otherwise it will be forever “weird”.

That's really weird OP, on their part, not yours!

I've been trying to understand their logic and I can't. Maybe if it was a B&B rather than cottages so you'd actually be staying in her house I could see it, or if you and her or you and DC's Dad were at loggerheads, but none of that seems the case.

If you want to go to that part of the country I'd book with one of her competitors now, and drop her a kind note letting her know where you'll be staying if she wants to see DC.

I bet it's all about the father sticking his oar in. Perhaps he assumed you were hoping for a freeby, and he wanted it instead.

I'd find somewhere similar and go there.

Some people have weird ideas about etiquette and maybe aunt was offended you offered to pay or something - sounds like that by DC's dad's reaction that it would be weird to stay as a paying guest. I mean, it's their weirdness, not you doing anything wrong, you weren't to know. Family paying for things is the kind of thing some people feel very strongly about sometimes, although I think unnecessarily. My MIL is like that - she was offended at one of her brothers thanking her for putting his son up while he was in London, because she thought it was so obvious she would do it that to thank her was somehow offensive! But that was her problem, not his.

YANBU - they are definitely the weird ones. DF sounds like a childish idiot who wants to be Disney Dad.

The point is that DC has a nice holiday, instead he's plotting with the relative because he didn't suggest it and wants to do it first. The relative must have told him about it and then he's kicked off.

OP, is he always this selfish?