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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is weird? Or have I majorly blundered?

231 replies

Stickystick · 14/07/2020 17:38

Am single parent, one DC6. Fairly risk tolerant but cancelled our holiday abroad this summer because breathing recycled air cheek by jowl with 400 randoms on a plane for hours seemed a bad idea...

However poor DC6 has been cooped up in our little flat for months now, not getting much exercise or fresh air, and I have been trying to think of somewhere affordable where we haven’t been before that we could drive to for a week’s adventure. Then I remembered his godmother (also his father’s sister) has some land in a remote part of England with a few holiday cottages on it - very socially distanced, lots of nature. I could see from their website that they had availability in August, so I wrote to her and asked if we could rent one of the cottages for a week - paying full market price, naturally, because I didn’t want her to think she had to turn down paying guests to make room for us.

Her reply was odd though - was perfectly polite, said “would be lovely to see DC6 at some point” and didn’t answer the “can we please book” question at all.

I left it for a couple of weeks thinking maybe more was coming/they were waiting to see what happened with Government rules, but radio silence.

So I just mentioned it to my DC6’s dad (her brother), with whom I am on amicable terms, thinking maybe he could put in a word.

He said, rather grimly “Ah yes, I heard about that.”

He went on to say that my request was totally weird and put his sister in a very awkward position. He said, why would you pick their cottages out of all the other holiday destinations in the country? He said that DC6 is “family” (implication being that I am not) and it would be totally bizarre for DC6 to be staying on their land as a paying guest. If DC6 were to go, it should be with him (DC6’s dad) as he is the connection between DC6 and his aunt, and it would be downright weird for DC6 to be there otherwise.

I am puzzled and a bit hurt by this - I wouldn’t say we are madly close to the aunt as she lives a fair way away, and DC6 and I are not part of mass family gatherings (not that there are many) as I am not with his father, but I think our interactions have always been very respectful and polite, presents sent, thank you letters written etc. I don’t think it would be weird at all to be a paying guest on her land - I can afford the rent and IMO it would be CF-ery to be anything else (ie expecting a freebie, inviting ourselves to stay in their own house etc). I thought of their cottages because it’s an area I don’t know, and she always mentions the wonderful nature whenever she writes to us: I think DC6 would love it.

Was my request unreasonable? Or have I committed a genuine faux pas? Is there anything that can be done?

OP posts:
Stickystick · 16/07/2020 14:29

@NamedyChangedy

Of course the flaw in that analysis is the fact the aunt isn’t going to be there anyway (which presumably she told her brother) so what difference would it make who DS6 went with? It’s not like they could all hang out together en famille.

OP posts:
Quietlyloud · 16/07/2020 21:09

The wording of her replies are interesting. It’s very clear she means only your son which I get but you weren’t asking to send him there alone, you wanted a holiday that would cater for distancing and you remembered her place. I think it’s all very odd but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter, just find somewhere else. Your ex sounds like a right twat.

3cats · 17/07/2020 04:03

I think it sounds like she does want to see you both and spend time with you as a family, but it's just bad timing and she's really busy at the moment.

But, it's hard to know for sure, so I wouldn't take offense. I'd just leave the ball in their court and do your own thing.

Anniejewelss · 18/07/2020 14:23

Aaaa

Delatron · 18/07/2020 14:49

She does repeatedly say it would be nice to see the DS but not the OP!

I think his side of the family have made their feelings clear. You’ve been reasonable and amicable but I’d probably just let your DS visit his godmother with your Ex. Hope you find a lovely cottage somewhere else.

dayswithaY · 18/07/2020 14:54

Sometimes people are weird about ex in-laws, there's a loyalty thing and general awkwardness. Personally I would have swerved her and booked in a completely different part of the country but you have done nothing wrong. She's just trying not to make a situation with her brother even though there wasn't one to begin with. Move on.

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