To think this is weird? Or have I majorly blundered?

[Stickystick]

Am single parent, one DC6. Fairly risk tolerant but cancelled our holiday abroad this summer because breathing recycled air cheek by jowl with 400 randoms on a plane for hours seemed a bad idea...

However poor DC6 has been cooped up in our little flat for months now, not getting much exercise or fresh air, and I have been trying to think of somewhere affordable where we haven’t been before that we could drive to for a week’s adventure. Then I remembered his godmother (also his father’s sister) has some land in a remote part of England with a few holiday cottages on it - very socially distanced, lots of nature. I could see from their website that they had availability in August, so I wrote to her and asked if we could rent one of the cottages for a week - paying full market price, naturally, because I didn’t want her to think she had to turn down paying guests to make room for us.

Her reply was odd though - was perfectly polite, said “would be lovely to see DC6 at some point” and didn’t answer the “can we please book” question at all.

I left it for a couple of weeks thinking maybe more was coming/they were waiting to see what happened with Government rules, but radio silence.

So I just mentioned it to my DC6’s dad (her brother), with whom I am on amicable terms, thinking maybe he could put in a word.

He said, rather grimly “Ah yes, I heard about that.”

He went on to say that my request was totally weird and put his sister in a very awkward position. He said, why would you pick their cottages out of all the other holiday destinations in the country? He said that DC6 is “family” (implication being that I am not) and it would be totally bizarre for DC6 to be staying on their land as a paying guest. If DC6 were to go, it should be with him (DC6’s dad) as he is the connection between DC6 and his aunt, and it would be downright weird for DC6 to be there otherwise.

I am puzzled and a bit hurt by this - I wouldn’t say we are madly close to the aunt as she lives a fair way away, and DC6 and I are not part of mass family gatherings (not that there are many) as I am not with his father, but I think our interactions have always been very respectful and polite, presents sent, thank you letters written etc. I don’t think it would be weird at all to be a paying guest on her land - I can afford the rent and IMO it would be CF-ery to be anything else (ie expecting a freebie, inviting ourselves to stay in their own house etc). I thought of their cottages because it’s an area I don’t know, and she always mentions the wonderful nature whenever she writes to us: I think DC6 would love it.

Was my request unreasonable? Or have I committed a genuine faux pas? Is there anything that can be done?

[Sunrise234]

I am with the Aunty on this one.
I am a single parent and no way would I go and stay at my DDs dad's family place. There's a million other places to stay so I would stay somewhere else instead. Surely some things are separate once you're separated.

I think it would be really weird if my brother's ex-girlfriend came to ask to stay at a holiday home I owned with my nieces but not see me and pay full price. I would feel guilty about taking money from her but too awkward wanting to spend time seeing my nieces.

[Leaannb]

@Scubasteven...No way in hell would I enter that kind of arrangement with my brother's ex. It's not the ex that decided to not rent to OP. It was the sister as her right and which I don'3 blame her

[spongedog]

@LockdownMayhem

Yep, definitely weird on the aunt's side. Assuming you've always been on good terms with her I don't see the problem.

I would actually reply and say sorry, I've spoken to DC's dad who mentioned you didn't feel it was appropriate. I'm sorry to have put you in an awkward position, that wasn't my intention. I just wanted to get away for a few days with DC who's been at home for months and thought that we don't know your part of the country and that DC would love to see you, as his godmother. If you feel this isn't appropriate, we will of course book somewhere else.

And leave it at that (and book somewhere else!)

^^ This

Apologise so it isnt awkward, but accept that that family dont like the arrangement.

[Elphame]

Not that weird.

I hate renting to family or friends - you feel obliged to offer a discount and then have that awkward conversation about "no no I couldn't possibly accept the discount" "but I insist" et etc

It then gets even more awkward if things get lost or broken.

Your brother's response is weird though

[IncrediblySadToo]

Very odd.

Be glad you don't have to be involved with them...

Book somewhere else & enjoy yourselves without any weirdness!!!

[LittleMissnotLittleMrs]

Perhaps she thought you were angling for a reduction / free (I know you said you weren’t) because you emailed her privately. If it was available on the website, you should probably have just booked it there and then.

She may feel very awkward and embarrassed, not knowing how to deal with it OR she’s a cow!

[crazeelala2u]

That feels so weird of them. Had you booked it online or through a 3rd party would they have felt the same or would they be upset that you didn't say anything to them first?

However, my daughter's father and I have been friends forever, and even as he remarried or dated other women, I've always been part of their family celebrations. Thanksgiving, Christmas, MOM / DAD days, and birthdays.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

They were weird. I'd rather give money to a family business than a stranger in these times.

Book her closest competition instead. Well, not really that's petty. I would have just booked it on their website myself but your way was nice.

[HemulenHouse]

@Mnhealth202020 has it spot on I think.

[waytheleaveswork]

If it's weird, it's onyl because she has made it so.

If she really felt that uncomfortable, she could have politely declined to rent the cottage, ask about how DS was doing and wish you well, rather than badmouth you to her brother.

Maybe she has nothing better to do, maybe she felt conflictted, maybe she doesn't understand two parents can co-parent amicably without a Montague/Capulet show down over a holiday cottage - but none of those things are your problem.

Smile, nod, move on and book a lovely holiday elsewhere!

[YouokHun]

I agree with others, nothing weird about your request. I wonder if she doesn’t have a problem but knows your DS’s dad has some sort of sensitivity about his son and family, so she’s mentioned it without judgement and the rest is him feeling uncomfortable?

[JizzPigeon22]

To be fair I wouldn’t want anything to do with my siblings exes, I find that a bit weird.

[heartsonacake]

YANBU, she is being weird.

But you’re wrong about recycled air on planes - fresh air on a plane is constantly fed in throughout the flight and goes through HEPA filters to remove bacteria and viruses.

Also, it means that the air in the plane’s cabin is completely replaced around 15 times an hour, but this is mainly about controlling the temperature and removing contaminants.

So yeah, you wouldn’t be breathing in recycled air on a plane. That’s a common misconception.

[AnneOfQueenSables]

I can see where they're coming from. Despite you not wanting a reduction, it meant she had to think about offering one because regardless of your intentions, other people will criticise her for charging her nephew for a holiday.
It sounds like they're a family that's very conscious of appearances and other people judging them so to them it reflects badly on his DF that he hasn't taken his DS there if it's such a great place for a holiday. Some people would see it as a veiled criticism of his parenting ie that he's so lax that you had to pay for your DS to have a holiday at his aunt's cottage when his DF could have taken him there for free at any point.

[namesnames]

Are you saying you have booked holiday accommodation
at a family members location without mentioning it to them, and that you are no longer in a relationship with your childs parent?

If so, yes, that is unusual.

[Ellisandra]

I looked at your previous threads - your ex is an arsehole. So I’d bet you £10 towards your holiday that he’s at the bottom of this, not his sister.

[Serin]

He has probably criticised you and blamed you for the split. He has poisoned her against you.
It's certainly weird.
I love my DSIL, cant imagine her not being a part of my life, even if I was no longer in her brothers life.

[Haffdonga]

Understandable on aunt's part. You have put her in an awkward situation.

She either has the option of saying Please do come for free (and losing a week's peak season rent) OR charging you and ds, her relative, full price for coming to stay as a customer (and feel guilty and Cheeky Fucker in so doing).

[NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite]

Clearly they are happy to see your child but not you. I think it can be awkward when people split up and often others around you don't know how to deal with things as they expect animosity. They don't realise that people can be adults and have amicable relationships.

[category12]

I think it was a bit of an odd choice of destination tbh and they might think you're trying to usurp your ex's family relationships in some way.

[WaterOffADucksCrack]

Nope his dad's family are being weird for sure (as are some posters).

The only thing I would have changed would have been to just ask if I could book it and how to pay. I wouldn't have said "I'll pay full price" or whatever as I wouldn't want it to look like I was saying it so they would say "oh no I'll knock the price down to X".

Imagine accepting the full rate for a holiday cottage and then being torn between maintaining your professional standards and spending time with your relative. Why is that something to be "torn" about? If you're so torn over that that they can't cope with it then you need to seriously look at why that is. Surely the aunt could say "I don't want to intrude on your holiday in anyway so shall we set aside a few hours one afternoon and go and get some ice cream/go to the park/whatever".

Why would you pay the going rate to take DS there when he can visit for free with his dad?! Erm because as the child's mother she would like to holiday with him?!

[WaterOffADucksCrack]

they might think you're trying to usurp your ex's family relationships in some way What a twisted way for someone to think! It must be exhausting!

[IdblowJonSnow]

They both sound rude to me. I cant see any blunder from what you've said.
I'd be pretty hurt and offended by that but I'm a snowflake. Rise above it and shrug it off.

[category12]

What a twisted way for someone to think! It must be exhausting!

Well maybe, but as a rule, family choose their family member's side.

Having the ex all cosied up in their holiday home is awkward.

[YouokHun]

I looked at your previous threads - your ex is an arsehole. So I’d bet you £10 towards your holiday that he’s at the bottom of this, not his sister

Yep, that’s what I mentioned upthread and I agree with @Ellisandra. She’s been vague and stalled because she knows there’s a sensitivity there for your DS’s dad and the rest is him gaslighting you about your “weird” request.