Would you be friends with someone who was overweight?

[alllthingsbright]

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a group of girls I met on an antenatal course.

We haven't seen each other since January when we were all pregnant.

Since the birth of my baby I've gained two stone and I'm now very over weight.

I was 12 and a half stone when I was pregnant and I'm now 14 and a half.

I know 12 stone isn't slim, but I don't think I looked "big" at that weight, where as now I look big and dumpy.
It's really affecting my self esteem and confidence.

I haven't told the girls I've gained weight and I'm worried that once they've seen me tomorrow I'll no longer fit into the friendship group.

Am I overthinking?

I'm considering cancelling.

Of course! Anyone who would refuse to be friends with someone just because they're overweight is extremely shallow - that's the sort of person that I wouldn't choose as a friend!

Yes and I am friends with overweight people. Being fat isn't a personality trait so it doesn't really sway my opinion on whether I enjoy someone's company.

The OP has updated she went and had a Great time

I've just seen your update OP and I genuinely clapped when I read it,well done you!

I've been where you are now,hating the way I looked,worrying about being judged,I was anorexic for years so felt how your feeling from the age of 7-16,I got out from under the anorexia and for many many years was alot happier and healthier,I had 5DC and untill my last labour and birth I was fine but I ended up seriously ill and disabled and I have put on shit loads of weight and I'm now doing something to deal with that.

But you know what even though I'm overweight now I am alot happier within my self than I ever was when I was anorexic or when I was thinner because I've learnt to like myself and I've learnt to understand why other people like me and it's nothing to do with what I weigh or how I look, weather I was thin or fat I've always had lots of friends.

I'm loosing weight now but I'm doing it for all the right reasons,I'm doing it for me!

I'm seeing an NCT friend on next week for the first time in 4 months. I know she's lost a ton of weight because she's been furloughed, teaching exercise classes and doing some MLM shake diet. I've been working from home while looking after a toddler and have gained a stone. Does it matter? No!

Only superficial people wouldn’t be.

Of course. I have friends of all shapes and sizes.

The person matters, not their size.

Go and have a lovely time

Sorry just seen you did go - well done you!

All this says to me is that YOU would judge someone in that situation - you need to give yourself a shake.

Well I am overweight and I have friends, so I am going to assume yes.

Has anyone ever said anything to you in the past to make you feel this way? It's not a healthy way of thinking OP

Glad it went well - I think you must know deep down that if a bunch of grown adults decided to no longer be your friend because of your weight gain, you wouldn’t want to be involved with vile people like that anyway!

Why would you want to be friends with someone who didn’t want to be friends with an overweight person?!

More to the point, perhaps time to start looking outwards rather than inwards so much, it’s pretty self centred (and I mean this in the most gentle way possible) to assume that these women will even notice your weight, never mind be making any decisions based on it. They probably need good, reliable and accepting friendship just as much as you do.

God no, no fatties in my friendship. I mean imagine the shame of being seen with someone over a size 12. I had a best friend from when I was 3 but when she got married and had kids she just kept puttingon the pounds. When she was a size 16 i told her it was me or the cake. I don't see her anymore but I've heard ages now an 18!! I'm so glad I ditched her. If you don't care enough about me to look good when you're with me, why would I be your friend??

Is that honestly what you expect these women to be lie op? If so why would you even want them in your life. Your y oh and if that isn't good enough for them, screw them

I’m sorry if my question is ridiculous but I just feel pretty lousy about myself right now.

I don’t like much about me, and don’t feel like I have much to offer.
I guess I just felt like I would be welcomed into a friendship group if was slim & looked nice, instead of looking fat and unattractive.

Just the way I feel about myself.

@PolaDeVeboise

All this says to me is that YOU would judge someone in that situation - you need to give yourself a shake.

@PolaDeVeboise NO I would not, EVER!

I have plenty of friends who are bigger than me, and others who are smaller.

These are all long term friends who I’m very comfortable with.

I have very low self esteem and don’t make new friends easily.

I’d love for this new friendship group to work out but worry about how I look.

I wouldn’t want to be friends with me (not anyone else, just me)
So I’m struggling to understand if other people will want to be!!

I’m friends with anyone with whom I click and have commonalities. Size, colour, gender, ethnicity, ability etc etc does not inform my decision.

I bet you’re lovely 😊

You HAVE to meet up with these friends. If you avoid it then you'll find yourself on a slippery slope. I think you're completely overthinking this and letting fear take over. Your friends are probably too sleep deprived to even notice your weight anyway.

I was very, very good friends with someone, who was very overweight, for over 20 years. She was educated, intelligent, great fun, great sense of humour, cultured, good cook and generally a lovely person.
Then she developed cancer and went from 90kg to 40kg in a very short space of time then died.
I would rather have my 90kg friend back.

This year I have dropped 2 friends.
Friend 1: always only called when she wanted something. Always wined no one ever did anything for her which meant everyone always rushing to do things for her. She pushed one too many times and was rude with it.
Friend 2: Accused me of "seeking out communication" with her husband, who has been sporadically messaging me mildly flirty messages for years. I've put up with it and ignored it but made the mistake of replying when they offered to help with a bike as he "had the tools" and it was on my birthday, so I assumed it was their version of a lockdown present. Nope it was the perfect time take out frustration at useless husband on Poulet who has been isolated for months. She obviously doesn't think much of me and is another I would have to chase to chat to/get a message from. Gone!

These are VALID reasons not to continue a friendship. I don't give a shiny shite what anyone looks like but they need to be kind.

@FraughtwithGin

I was very, very good friends with someone, who was very overweight, for over 20 years. She was educated, intelligent, great fun, great sense of humour, cultured, good cook and generally a lovely person.

Maybe I should’ve pointed out from the start that I don’t particularly feel like I’m any of those things. At least if I looked nice I would feel like had something to offer.

I’m really sorry to hear about your friend.

You're a new mum during lockdown, cut yourself a bit of slack and don't stress about it!

If I’m honest, I think a lot of people like fat friend. Easier to feel better about your own wobbly bits.

Bless you! You are you are & your weight doesn’t matter to anyone but you. I really don’t care what shape or size my friends are .

I can honestly say I do not care at all how much my friends weigh! I like them for their company, personality, sense of humour and support. Not for looks.