Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be friends with someone who was overweight?

178 replies

alllthingsbright · 13/07/2020 23:11

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a group of girls I met on an antenatal course.

We haven't seen each other since January when we were all pregnant.

Since the birth of my baby I've gained two stone ShockShockand I'm now very over weight.

I was 12 and a half stone when I was pregnant and I'm now 14 and a half.

I know 12 stone isn't slim, but I don't think I looked "big" at that weight, where as now I look big and dumpy.
It's really affecting my self esteem and confidence.

I haven't told the girls I've gained weight and I'm worried that once they've seen me tomorrow I'll no longer fit into the friendship group.

Am I overthinking?

I'm considering cancelling.

OP posts:
startalovetrain · 14/07/2020 02:51

*isn't certain

It's a hard slog when you're in a pit of self hatred but please do reach out for help. You can often self refer online for support!

shenanigans5 · 14/07/2020 07:20

They definitely won’t care how big or small you are. They will just want to have fun catching up.
Most people are far too absorbed in their own insecurities to judge other people. Honestly, you should go and not give it a single thought- you deserve to be able to just relax and have a bit of fun.

On another note I’ve felt similarly to you after having both of my children. And the problem was resolved when I managed to shift the weight. I’d definitely recommend starting some exercise to boost your mood. A short beginners Joe Wicks or couch to 5k will make you feel better mentally, and will probably motivate you to eat a bit more healthily too.

KarmaStar · 14/07/2020 11:56

You have a resounding answer!stop worrying and go and enjoy yourself.love your body,love yourself.have a great time ,be happy.

zingally · 14/07/2020 12:25

You are WAY over-thinking this OP!

Go and have fun with your friends!

BlingLoving · 14/07/2020 12:45

I really do want to go, this group of girls have been brilliant during lockdown,

OP, THIS is the really important thing - these women are already your friends. You have clearly shared a lot during an incredibly difficult time and nothing bonds people faster than lots of interaction during hardship. They are your friends already.

I've been trying to think back to my NCT Group early days meet ups. I know for a fact that more than half of us were still carrying significant weight for MONTHS after the babies were born. A couple of lost all of it, some have kept some but lost some and some have kept it (me and at least 2 others). We had a big group and two of the ladies are now women I consider among my closest friends. Weight just doesn't come up except in the context of the odd discussion about making an effort etc.

You are going to have a wonderful time. After all these months of talking and engaging, being able to see each other is going to be wonderful. The hardest part is that your'e all going to want to hug each other and cuddle the babies and you might not be able to do that!

Original poster
alllthingsbright · 14/07/2020 13:06

I went to the meet up!

It was lovely.

I did feel very self conscious though but no one mentioned weight!! ☺️

I am trying to make healthy life style changes but food is a huge comfort for me so when I feel down about how I look, I eat.
Vicious circle.

OP posts:
Fanthorpe · 14/07/2020 13:09

Glad it was good, it’s lovely to have a nice group to meet up with.

RiftGibbon · 14/07/2020 13:21

Bloody hell are people that shallow? I am friends with people who range through various heights, weights, ages, skin colours, religious beliefs and sexual preferences.
They're friends because of who they are, not what they look like.

monkeyonthetable · 14/07/2020 13:26

I have overweight friends. And skinny ones too. Some who were skinny and grew fat (like me) and some who were fat and grew thin (like i intend to do). Friendship has nothing to do with their size. I do know people who struggle with my weight, but they are friends who have had eating disorders in the past and are absolutely horrified by fat. Because they have loads of other redeeming features, I put up with this, but I do feel a bit self conscious and uncomfortable around them particularly if food is involved.
But you've just had a baby! No one would expect you to be svelte already.

clpsmum · 14/07/2020 13:28

Your weight is the least interesting thing about you. Take it easy on yourself you e not long had a baby. Your friends will not mind if you're a size 4 or 34! Don't o rethink it. Enjoy your day xxx

BerriesAndLeaves · 14/07/2020 13:30

People go by personality not looks in friendships. Or at least anyone worth being friends with does.

Beaupepys · 14/07/2020 13:30

This thread is so much more wholesome than I thought it was going to be when I looked at the title!

Try not to beat yourself up about all this; I'm genuinely enormous (not seen 14 and a half stone in a few years) and none of my friends seem to think it's a big deal. We've all got our troubles and sore spots - if you think losing weight would improve your life, give it a shot, if not, don't worry about it. Nothing looks more beautiful than an unforced smile.

PhilSwagielka · 14/07/2020 13:30

Yes. I'm overweight and I've got friends who are bigger than me. I don't care if they're built like David de Gea or Kevin Pressman as long as I like them.

NavyBerry · 14/07/2020 13:32

Doesn't bother me at all what is the person's weight. Don't overthink and enjoy your friendships! 💐

Chickychickydodah · 14/07/2020 13:35

I’m overweight and have lots of friends , if they judge you they aren’t friends ...

SoftBlocks · 14/07/2020 13:38

Yes of course.

SoftBlocks · 14/07/2020 13:39

I have friends who are fatter and friends who are thinner than me and I don’t think it’s an issue.

ktp100 · 14/07/2020 13:40

Are you out of your mind? OF COURSE your friends will still be friends!!

Anyone who shuns a friend because of weight changes of any kind is a C U Next Tuesday of an astounding level and not worth being friends with anyway.

I'm sure they'll be pleased to see you.x.

QuestionableMouse · 14/07/2020 13:40

Well I'm a fatty and I have friends. It's your personality that counts, not your dress size and anyone who says otherwise is so shallow they're not worth bothering with.

Mintjulia · 14/07/2020 13:41

What an odd question. Of course.

My friendship group at the moment consists of three I would class as healthily built, one who admits she needs to lose three stone and one irritatingly willowy one who lost her baby weight in about 3 days.

We still laugh over the same stuff, wind each other up. It wouldn’t even occur to me.

Have a good time Wine

ktp100 · 14/07/2020 13:42

@allthingsbright Just seen your latest update - so glad you went and had a nice time and well done for starting a healthier lifestyle.

There are LOADS of us in your position so don't feel alone. It's not an easy battle but it's definitely one you can win.x.

sandieshaw · 14/07/2020 13:43

Glad you went in the end and had a good time @alllthingsbright.

Your weight only really matters to you. I think everyone on here has shown that it doesn't matter to other people. You've clearly got all the right intentions of making changes - just remember you're doing it for yourself not anyone else. Baby steps - and be kind to yourself.

RedLlama · 14/07/2020 13:44

You are being ridiculous

LEELULUMPKIN · 14/07/2020 13:46

What a bizarre question! Of course I would and thankfully don't know anyone who wouldn't.

Noti23 · 14/07/2020 13:48

They won’t even care about your weight but if they do then they’re horrible superficial bitches that aren’t worth being around.

I’m petite (small bone structure/frame) and I would never judge anyone for being big.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.