Would you be friends with someone who was overweight?

[alllthingsbright]

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a group of girls I met on an antenatal course.

We haven't seen each other since January when we were all pregnant.

Since the birth of my baby I've gained two stone and I'm now very over weight.

I was 12 and a half stone when I was pregnant and I'm now 14 and a half.

I know 12 stone isn't slim, but I don't think I looked "big" at that weight, where as now I look big and dumpy.
It's really affecting my self esteem and confidence.

I haven't told the girls I've gained weight and I'm worried that once they've seen me tomorrow I'll no longer fit into the friendship group.

Am I overthinking?

I'm considering cancelling.

Someone being overweight wouldn’t bother me at all.

What has put me off being friends with someone in the past is that they constantly talked about their weight, and how unhappy they were about it (though they never made any effort to change the situation).

Of course. One of my best friends is around 6 stone overweight. He is one of the nicest people you could ever wish to meet.

I don’t care what weight someone is, what colour of skin they have, what religion they are, what nationality they are or what sexual orientation they are. The only thing that matter to me is whether they are nice or an arse.

@Allmyarseandpeggymartin

This is an odd question op - are you implying that you wouldn’t be friends with someone because they were fat?

I am most definitely not implying that!! I have fiends that are bigger than me and I don't even consider their sizes, I love them for the people they are.

I just feel very down about myself right now.

The friends comfortable with I wouldn't even think about my weight.

But these are new people and I've only spent a short about of time with them on an antenatal course, I don't like the idea of being judged and I hate the idea of being rejected because of how I look. 😕

Congrats on the birth of your baby. Meet your friends - weight is not an issue, if it is they are shits!

@Merryoldgoat

Gosh - how odd OP - your self esteem must be very low to think yourself not worthy of friendship because of a few extra stone...

I’m very overweight. I’ve been varying degrees of overweight since I was 13. I have literally never been short of friends.

If they didn’t want to be your friend the problem is most definitely them.

Yes it is pretty low right now. ☹️

Hang on a sec, let me go and ask my friends...

Apparently Wilson is top bird although a bit of a chubber. All happy with choice of friend.

OP, you are overthinking this sooooo much.

@alllthingsbright

Do you want to talk about it? What’s bothering you? Is it just the weight gain? Or something more?

Why the hell not? I'm overweight, occasionally. Most people I know are.

[quote Merryoldgoat]@alllthingsbright

Do you want to talk about it? What’s bothering you? Is it just the weight gain? Or something more?[/quote]
The weight gain, plus how I look because of it.

I think I'm just feeling a bit crappy about myself at the minute and Its bothering me that I'm not going to fit into this group of mum friends, which id really like to.

Since having our babies we've all messaged every day and I get on with them all so well.

But right now I really don't like the way I look and I feel embarrassed and annoyed at myself.

Yes you're over thinking. I bet they'll all be so preoccupied with themselves & tales of motherhood that they won't notice that you any different. If any of them are actually that superficial (they do exist) then there's no need to see them again. I hope you enjoy your meet up.

Of course I would. I don’t care what my friends look like and they don’t care either. I am no supermodel

Op they are not worth being friends with if they judge you by the way you look.

Someone’s weight is never the reflection of them as a person.

It wouldn't even cross my mind when considering who I'd like to be in my friend "circle". I'd be more concerned about whether you were kind, honest, genuine, reliable etc than what the scales say!!

If someone doesn’t want to be friends with you because you’ve put on weight they’re not worth having as a friend. If it wasn’t your weight there would be some other thing they decided they didn’t like about you sooner or later.

@alllthingsbright they might be feeling just as worried about how they look too. I can guarantee you will all feel better once you meet up and have a giggle and some coffee and chat about your babies.

I am friends with a number of overweight people. I didn't even consider their weight when I became friends with them. Why would you? I also have 2 friends who suffer anorexia who are underweight.

They're probably all feeling a bit chubby too. Don't worry - you'll soon run it off once you have a toddler!

I actually cannot believe people are responding to this like it is a legitimate thing, like its normal for people to factor weight into their friendshipt choices. What has weight got to do with friendship?

OP how you look has nothing to do with you as a person or as a friend. I am so sad that you would even consider this to be a thing. I do understand feeling like you dont want to meet people and have them judge you on your weight but you must realise that anyone who didnt want a friend because of their weight is an absolute waste of space asshole who you wouldnt want to be anywhere near.

Please don't worry about it.
Ante natal friends can be a bit hit or miss as the only thing you can have in common is babies but that isn't the case here as you have all been messaging every day. You are already friends and it is based on the communication you have had so please don't worry it will be any different in the flesh.

@alllthingsbright

I really get that - my youngest is 2 and I suffered from bad PND after having him.

I would suggest making a really nice effort with your hair and makeup and wear easy and comfortable clothes.

One thing I did was I found ‘an outfit’ - I wear a black stretchy tunic and wide leg trousers as a base most days. It’s flattering, forgiving, and comfy and it takes the drama out of the day. I dress it up with scarves, hair accessories, big earrings, rings etc.

Could you treat yourself to some new clothes to feel nicer?

With anti natal friends there are a huge range of things where some people can't cope with differences and the group will split, everyone tends to feel judged for things which mainly we have no control over and if the only thing you have in common is a similar age child, it is probably more unusual to stay friends long term. Normally things drift because you really have little in common, but there will be flash points over differences in parenting. As far as I'm aware, I've never known anyone be dropped from a group over weight though.

The only way it would be a factor is if lifestyles were completely incompatible.
Which it isn't here.

It's a fair bet that being in lockdown with babies has caused many of them to gain too. It's normal enough without lockdown.

They're antenatal friends. You have babies in common. It's not a ironman training team.

You like eachother for your personalities and sharing the same life stage.
I hope you feel more confident soon, and gettjng out will help.

you're overthinking it

The world's friendship pool gets pretty small if people are too snooty to mix with people of other body sizes

My best friend for the last 10 years plus has always been over weight (circa 18st, similar height to me) for as long as I've known her.
She has always been the most kind hearted and loyal best friend and I've never questioned my friendship with her at all.
When I announced my engagement, and asked her to be my matron of honour, she joined slimming world, and just over 18 months later she is 6.5st lighter, weighs a stone less than I do, and looks fantastic.
I am so proud of her, and wouldn't consider that she is any different being bigger or smaller. Quite simply she is an amazing woman and I love her to bits.