Would you be friends with someone who was overweight?

[alllthingsbright]

Tomorrow I'm meeting with a group of girls I met on an antenatal course.

We haven't seen each other since January when we were all pregnant.

Since the birth of my baby I've gained two stone and I'm now very over weight.

I was 12 and a half stone when I was pregnant and I'm now 14 and a half.

I know 12 stone isn't slim, but I don't think I looked "big" at that weight, where as now I look big and dumpy.
It's really affecting my self esteem and confidence.

I haven't told the girls I've gained weight and I'm worried that once they've seen me tomorrow I'll no longer fit into the friendship group.

Am I overthinking?

I'm considering cancelling.

Please don't let your lack of confidence and embarrassment about how you look right now stop you going out in the world and living life to the full. I can assure you that you are judging yourself far more harshly than others will.

They probably wont even notice!

It's also nice to have friends of all shapes and sizes.

Honestly, this is the weirdest thread I've come across on Mumsnet and I've been here 12 years!

I'm a size 20... My oldest friends are teeny tiny next to me, it doesn't make a difference. I've got more friends than I know what to do with and seem to make more everywhere I go!

Oh my god. I've got loads of overweight friends when I think about it. And I never gave it thought until reading your post. Goodness. Weight doesn't even come into the matter. I feel really, really, really sad that you'd even worry that your weight would prevent you from forming loving friendships. Please don't give your weight a second thought!!!

Yes of course.
Go and enjoy yourself!

Considering probably half of adults (or more) are overweight, you'd have a very small pool of people to make friends with otherwise.

I was expecting quite a different question after reading the title if the thread!

You're definitely overthinking this, OP. And if, by chance, one of the women was to judge you, then what does that say about her?

Have a lovely time.

Of course I'd be friends with someone who was overweight. I think you definitely need to seek counselling if you feel that your friendships will be affected by weight gain

Omg yes I would! Why wouldn’t anyone ? Anyone who isn’t friends with someone because of weight has their own issues. I would be friends with someone any weight any colour as long as they were decent people

They like you for who you are, not what you look like.

Mate... nobody will give a fuck

Op I know how you feel, after baby number 3 I had gained a lot of weight and was avoiding going to baby showers etc with ‘skinny’ friends thinking they would judge me. Infact it’s quite the opposite, most of the time no one has any issues and shouldn’t anyway (who the f would even be that big headed? Katie Hopkins comes to mind! ) try and keep your head up , stay confident and remember you are beautiful! X

Of course

Your lack of self confidence would put me off friendship more.

I'm knee-deep in chums, despite having upper arms like hams and the biggest arse in SE England. And I'm not short of male attention despite having a face like an under-baked plain scone. I know; it's a goddamn mystery. But it's lousy when you feel like a drudge after having a baby, so I sympathize even though I suspect you're massively overthinking it. All my friends who 'did' NCT posted 'Pals for life!' pictures for a few months, then admitted six months later that they weren't in contact with any of 'em. If you really think they'll have a problem with your weight, just bin them off and find another 'friendship group'.

Apologies if someone else has mentioned it but I gained a shit ton of weight in the months following the birth of my first baby, whilst all my antenatal friends seemed to be painlessly shedding their 'baby weight.'

I was exhausted, fat, constipated and so, so unhappy. I ended being diagnosed with post partum thyroiditis (basically an underactive thyroid provoked by pregnancy)

It might be something worth getting checked out assuming there is no obvious reason why you have gained weight.

Sending you lots of love, post partum months can be tough at the very best of times.

Does their weight matter? I certainly do not chose friends based on their weight and/or appearance.

What a weird, ridiculous question.

Anyone who wouldn't be friends with someone because of their weight isn't worth being friends with at all.

You should definitely go, they won't be thinking about your weight. It's very common to put on weight. Maybe they have too. I'm guessing that what you look like isn't why they're friends with you.

Yes, you're overthinking it. If you were my friend I'd be more interested in the fact you were the same love;y person I met before. Try and look at it from the other point of view, ie if they look different in any way, weight, wrinkles, style, you're not going to let that stop you having a nice time with them.

I understand, OP. I could have written your original message myself - I've gained a lot of weight since having my baby and I feel really down and sad about it. I don't recognise myself and I know my self esteem is very low. I don't understand why people would want to be friends with me, particularly since my weight gain. So, solidarity there - I know it's not rational but I really do relate, and I know how hard it can be building confidence in such a crazy time of life.

But, the rational part of me knows that my weight really doesn't matter to other people. I make friends. People approach me so I must look OK! Babies are actually great conversation starters among other new mums, and as time goes on and life starts to return to normal, you will find more and more opportunities to get chatting to new people at playparks, baby groups, etc etc. Nobody that matters will be looking at how much extra weight you are carrying, and the chances are they have their own neuroses to handle.

Please focus on loving yourself. Your size doesn't define your worth, in fact it's irrelevant to it. I'm so glad the meet-up went well and hope you have many more in the future!

Absolutley! I've had a group of best friends for over 20 years, between us there has always been one of us who has been bigger, I've been the thinnest and fattest at some point over the years and it has never had an effect on our friendship.

I've got loads of mates so the answer to your question must be yes!

Have a great time x

Absolutely yes why does weight matter