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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DS carry on and get food poisoning so he learns a lesson

191 replies

Learnthelesson · 12/07/2020 20:30

DS (nearly 20) is, quite frankly a know it all.

He speaks to me as though I’m thick, argues black is white and is the most condescending, high and mighty little knob at times.

He’s got a habit of not being around at mealtimes or just not eating when our meal times are ready. That’s fine, I usually plate it up and he eats it later.

Last night I made fajitas and beef jalapeño kebabs on skewers. He was out so came home and reheated the plate of food in the microwave and then took it up to his room. He didn’t eat any of it (gaming) and so left it in his warmish bedroom all night. He brought it downstairs this morning and put it in the fridge with a view to reheat again for tea.

I’ve told him that it can’t be reheated again - yes it can he said - you can reheat food twice. He argued black and blue and forbade me to throw it from the fridge. He’s just come downstairs to heat it up and now and I told him that he’s being silly but if he insists at least to make sure he heats it piping hot.

No, I don’t like it too hot as I then can’t eat it. Cue me telling him he’s at risk of food poisoning again. ‘I know - I did biology in school and anyway if you put the food in the fridge it kills the bacteria’. I tried to explain that all that does is suspend the bacteria and he just laughs in my face saying I’m talking shit.

I’ve let the fucker take it back up to his room hopefully sufficiently lukewarm.

Why are some kids utter assholes? AIBU to hope In a small way he gets the raging shits over the next 24 hours to teach him a Lesson?

OP posts:
Mypathtriedtokillme · 13/07/2020 01:23

I think it’s time that if he’s not at the dinner table or eats with you nothing is saved for him. (Unless he is at work but then he sure as hell should be great full)
Why are you saving anything for someone who is unappreciative and actually rude to you?
He should do his own cooking, laundry and a portion of household jobs because that’s what adults do even if your not charged rent.

SnowsInWater · 13/07/2020 01:31

I would be so upset/horrified if my 21yo DS had that attitude. He lives at home (Uni) and his general response to any meal prepared for him is "thank you very much" with variations on "that was delicious". Stop cooking for your son, you are not doing him any favours letting him get away with such appalling behaviour (and the mean petty part of me hopes he gets at least stomach cramps!).

WhenCoronaWasALager · 13/07/2020 02:00

You realise he's not going to get food poisoning and will be super smug!

Devilrocknroller · 13/07/2020 02:30

He's an adult and he knows everything - so he can cook his own food - surely he'll know how to do that if he knows everything else?
(And the way he speaks to you in your house with you cooking his meals is disgusting - he'll never grow up if it keeps going)

Iloveyoutothefridgeandback · 13/07/2020 02:35

It's time for him to move out.

Phantom1 · 13/07/2020 02:39

If he eats it and has sickness and diarrhoea who will be cleaning it up?

BitOfFun · 13/07/2020 03:37

For god's sake DO NOT EVER put eyedrops in somebody's food or drink. It's an urban myth that it causes diarrhoea, but it can be fatal.

Utterly stupid suggestion.

Pelleas · 13/07/2020 03:41

It'll be fine Smile.

Snowflayke · 13/07/2020 03:50

This is an unhealthy dynamic. He has been so rude and that isn't acceptable.

But - he is an adult so why are you fighting over what he eats? Just don't cook for him. Maybe it's time to develop more of a share house dynamic, where you each buy and cook your own food.

As for him getting sick, he won't. You wouldn't believe the things I've seen in share houses - food left on the bench for days, then eaten. Food eaten that is months or years out of date. I've never seen anyone get sick from that. As pp said, it's a very slightly increased chance, not a sure thing. The more time it's left and reheated means the bacteria has more time to grow, it's not like one reheating = no bacteria, perfectly safe. Two reheating = teeming with bacteria, will contract terrible disease after one mouthful.

Loveinatimeofcovid · 13/07/2020 05:11

In all fairness it must be quite irritating having someone micromanage your life like that (even if they’re right!).

It would probably be better for both of you if he moved out for a while. That way you’ll get the chance to learn to stop imposing your parenting on him now that he’s an adult (I’m not saying that adults don’t need their parents, just that it should be parenting by consent beyond 17/18). And he will get the chance to learn that he’s not always right and a bit of humility generally (it’s much easier to get a sense of yourself when you’re parents aren’t doing everything for you).

SunshineCake · 13/07/2020 06:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post

SunshineCake · 13/07/2020 06:30

@HoomanMoomin

If he doesn’t get the shits, I’d be adding some MCT oil in his next couple of meals. It doesn’t have any flavour or colour, but makes you shit like no tomorrow. Might knock him down a peg or two.
Would you do this to your child? Hmm.

Don't be an idiot if you would and you don't look cool mum like if you said it for that.

Original poster
Learnthelesson · 13/07/2020 08:28

Thanks all, well it appears he didn’t shit the bed as I heard him get up at his usual time and go off to work.

I suppose I should add that 90% of the time he doesn’t speak to me like this, I always get a thank you for meals etc - it’s always if I try and tell him something or correct him that he gets arsey and argumentative.

As you do with your kids you spend your life trying to save them from catastrophe but at some point I guess I have to leave him have a few mishaps as it’s the only way he’ll learn.

OP posts:
LakieLady · 13/07/2020 08:38

I'd slip him a laxative just to make sure

Perfect.

I wonder if you can make mousse or chocolate cake with Ex-Lax chocolate? Grin

Pikachubaby · 13/07/2020 08:44

Stop being a servant to him, leaving him meals on plates etc

He’s an adult, either he cooks half and half with you and pulls his weight, or he moves out

Stop mothering him

Stop stop stop the madness and find some self respect

You are not his servant

yearinyearout · 13/07/2020 08:50

Yep, I'd let him get on with it. That said, one of my DD's housemates used to regularly leave pots of food on the stove and reheat more than once and didn't get ill, so he might not learn his lesson that quickly!

Veterinari · 13/07/2020 08:55

I suppose I should add that 90% of the time he doesn’t speak to me like this, I always get a thank you for meals etc - it’s always if I try and tell him something or correct him that he gets arsey and argumentative.

Oh well that's ok then Hmm
But as a fully functioning adult what's his contribution to the running of the house? Or does he believe that it's 'women's work? That'll be lovely for his future partner...

LadyofTheManners · 13/07/2020 08:58

He talks to you like that in your home when you're still cooking for a grown adult?
I'd be handing him the lettings ads and telling him to get the fuck out with an attitude like that.
Rude little sod.

zingally · 13/07/2020 09:00

I hope he does get food poisoning - cheeky little shit.

And frankly OP, if he's not there at serve-up time, he doesn't get a meal. He's old enough now to sort himself out if he's not there at the right time.

BlingLoving · 13/07/2020 09:36

The arsey and argumentative thing is annoying, but the know-it-all is pretty standard. I had a revelation watching my 80 year old Dad talking to DH's 18 year old cousin a little while ago.... cousin is a lovely kid, but like many teenagers, thinks he knows everything. So he was pontificating to my dad about something or other. My Dad is a man of strong opinions. But he was listening and nodding and asking questions and it suddenly hit me - I recognised that tone/attitude/body language everything.... he must have spent at least 10 years talking to me that way, probably from around my age 13-23! I had to leave the room to find DH so we could giggle. [Also made me appreciate my Dad more]

Sunshine35x · 13/07/2020 09:48

100% don't include him in meals from now on.

belinda789 · 13/07/2020 10:53

@DdraigGoch

Or just leave some sugar free gummy bears out.... (he is bound to sample a few). Read the “sugar free gummy bears reviews” on amazon. You will die laughing. And he might die too thinking he really did get food poisoning – and should have heeded your advice the arrogant little barsted.

Localocal · 13/07/2020 17:46

I am reminded of a quote from someone a long time ago. "When I was in my teens my parents didn't know anything. By the time I was in my twenties I was amazed at how much they had learned."

Hopefully the know-it-all phase will pass. Fingers crossed for you.

CantGetDecentNickname · 13/07/2020 17:49

Hi OP, I got this and stuck it to the fridge. They really do know it all ... www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07PH72BF9/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o05_s00?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

Nevergonnagiveitup · 13/07/2020 17:52

My son used to be like that. Mr know it all, arguing black is white. I used to pull him up on it every time always ending in an argument saying if you don't like my rules leave ! I think I was a good mum and I can only think it was a Kevin and Perry stage, he was just an angry know it all. He's now 30 and one of the nicest people you could meet, he is so considerate and kind and I'm proud to call him my son. The attitude doesn't last forever. But would I have let him eat the reheated food, yes, just to teach him a lesson !

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