To let DS carry on and get food poisoning so he learns a lesson

[Learnthelesson]

DS (nearly 20) is, quite frankly a know it all.

He speaks to me as though I’m thick, argues black is white and is the most condescending, high and mighty little knob at times.

He’s got a habit of not being around at mealtimes or just not eating when our meal times are ready. That’s fine, I usually plate it up and he eats it later.

Last night I made fajitas and beef jalapeño kebabs on skewers. He was out so came home and reheated the plate of food in the microwave and then took it up to his room. He didn’t eat any of it (gaming) and so left it in his warmish bedroom all night. He brought it downstairs this morning and put it in the fridge with a view to reheat again for tea.

I’ve told him that it can’t be reheated again - yes it can he said - you can reheat food twice. He argued black and blue and forbade me to throw it from the fridge. He’s just come downstairs to heat it up and now and I told him that he’s being silly but if he insists at least to make sure he heats it piping hot.

No, I don’t like it too hot as I then can’t eat it. Cue me telling him he’s at risk of food poisoning again. ‘I know - I did biology in school and anyway if you put the food in the fridge it kills the bacteria’. I tried to explain that all that does is suspend the bacteria and he just laughs in my face saying I’m talking shit.

I’ve let the fucker take it back up to his room hopefully sufficiently lukewarm.

Why are some kids utter assholes? AIBU to hope In a small way he gets the raging shits over the next 24 hours to teach him a Lesson?

[FelicisNox]

Stop cooking for him immediately.

He lacks basic respect so from now on he can cook his own food, wash his own clothes and pay rent... if he has no job take the internet router to work in your handbag.

In fact, take the router anyway until he gets his shit together. CF.

[mumof2exhausted]

He’s 20 and still living at home and talking to you like that?? That’s so disrespectful- I would have never spoken to my parents like that at 20. There are more important things than food poisoning to deal with here. His attitude is disgusting. Also at 20 if he’s not home at dinner time he should be cooking his own dinner.

[beeetyj]

@Learnthelesson

I don’t really recall him being a particularly difficult child but definitely became a difficult teen - very bright, very self assured and holds quite a high opinion of his perceived intelligence.

He knows everything, there’s no telling him anything and to be honest he’s always been very fortunate with school, a great apprenticeship, drives a lovely car, lives here rent free although to be fair he offers to pay his way but we’ve told him to save hard so he can eventually get is own place (he saves nearly 1k a month).

Just a shame he can be such a know it all - probably time he got his own place so he can make all these mistakes without me even knowing. He’ll soon start learning about food hygiene once he’s spent 24 hours with his head and arse in a bowl.

He saves £1k a MONTH?! I can’t get over it. Make him give you money for rent or move out! He would have enough for a deposit within a year!

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe]

Sorry OP but you sound almost proud of him and his supercilious behaviour towards you. He's treating you and your home disgracefully and you sound like a doormat. It's his parent's job to raise him properly so that he becomes a decent human.

It's not funny or amusing and, when he doesn't get food poisoning, what will be next?

His character - as you've recounted it - is awful.

[jannier]

I wouldn't buy or cook him food ignorant 20 year old needs to stand on his own feet.....if I did eat at mealtimes or go without.

[jannier]

Jesus he dosent pay you how does that teach him life costs....even if you save it secretly fir him I'd be taking rent no wonder your a door mat.

[Funnyface1]

Why would you put up with being treated/spoken to like that?

Paving the way for a Mumsnet user to log on in 15 years and post about how much of an arsehole her husband has turned out to be. And how his mother enables him.

[Pesimistic]

Well he didnt do very well in biology then because it doesnt suspend bacteria growth or kill its it continues to grow in the fridge but at a much slower rate, freezing it suspends growth but again does not kill it. Food should not be out of a fridge or allowed to reach room temperature for more than 2 hours. Room temperature is optimum for bacteria growth, all night out of a fridge it's going to be swarmed with it. His meal will likely cause him food poisoning, if hes not willing to listen then he will make his own mistake

[murakamilove]

He deserves it, but the health care workers who may have to deal with the food poisoning do not!

[ALongHardWinter]

Just as long as he doesn't expect you to look after him if he gets food poisoning!

[livefornaps]

Sounds like he's well overdue a case of the shits to pay him back for his shitty attitude.

[00100001]

@Pikachubaby

Stop being a servant to him, leaving him meals on plates etc

He’s an adult, either he cooks half and half with you and pulls his weight, or he moves out

Stop mothering him

Stop stop stop the madness and find some self respect

You are not his servant

Lol at telling his mother to stop mothering him 😂

[SnackSizeRaisin]

He needs to move out and become independent. I would not let him live for free and buy him cars and tolerate his rudeness. You aren't doing him any favours in the long run. He sounds thoroughly spoilt and will have great difficulty living with friends or a partner in future.
If he wants to live under your roof he should behave like an adult.

[Harls1969]

I'd stop cooking for him for a start and ask him why, when he knows everyfuckingthing, does he not realise he acts like a complete cock!

[ToBBQorNotToBBQ]

Let him get ill teach him a lesson. Hide the loo roll when he does. Joking 😂. Fingers crossed he grows out the gobby stage. My teen trys it then thinks I'm horrible and mental when I do the HOW DARE YOU thing. Hes better behaved then I was at his age tbh 😂 I couldn't have coped with me.

[Jack80]

I would have binned it if it was food I paid for.

[2bazookas]

Time for new rule;

if he's not home at meal times he misses the meal, you don't save any for him.

If you haven't got a large hungry dog it's time to get one.

[MummyDolly]

Seriously treat him how he is treating you. Otherwise you will end up with a complete and utter arsehole (like my brother) I hope he gets the shits 😂😂

[Auckland11]

I think people are right in saying stop cooking for him, if he doesnt eat with yous then let him make his own food. I didnt live at home at 19 but before i moved out i would often just make my own teas cause i didnt want what my parents were making or i would make them tea aswell

[blue25]

I’m amazed you put up with his attitude. He sounds horrible. Encourage him to move out and learn about the realities of life. You’re not doing him any favours the way things are.

[Bettyboo1957]

I thought of well reasoned opinion but have been reduced to making growling noises.....grrrrr grrrrr ......house meeting....no more plating of food ....get job .....pay rent 45% of his income ( dont spend it save it for his university fees or the like ) when mine were going through their 'possession' phases my neighbour moved out leaving hers to manage on their own....they lasted 2 months and were a wonderful cautionary tale for mine. Mine did come back from the dark side though ...good luck lol

[impossible]

I think this is a really tricky age - frustrating and surprisingly awful at times and surprisingly lovely at other times. I see similar behaviour from my ds though he's a little younger.

Much as it's sad to see dcs leave home I think they have to go so they can grow up and come back nicer and more appreciative. If I were you I'd take some rent, especially as you're feeding him, and ask him to cook a meal a week. (If you don't need it you can always give him the money back when he moves out.)

[Carriecakes80]

Jesus, my kids know that the one thing in life thats completely free and that I expect from them at all times are manners.
My son might not drive the fanciest car and his supervising job at a cleaning firm that he has worked at since 15 might not pay much, but he shows me love and respect at all times, same goes for anyone he meets.
Would not be able to handle that kind of talk from my kids because I would go garrity!

[GinWithASplashOfTonic]

Yanbu however it depends on what sort of sick person he is. Does he just accept it and move on and mope for a day. Or does he require a personal maid/nurse and lashings of sympathy.
If it's the latter than it's not worth the hassle

[powershowerforanhour]

How often does he cook for you? At least twice a week, right? And cleans the loos and does the hoovering and some of the laundry, right? And if not, why fucking not?