To let DS carry on and get food poisoning so he learns a lesson

[Learnthelesson]

DS (nearly 20) is, quite frankly a know it all.

He speaks to me as though I’m thick, argues black is white and is the most condescending, high and mighty little knob at times.

He’s got a habit of not being around at mealtimes or just not eating when our meal times are ready. That’s fine, I usually plate it up and he eats it later.

Last night I made fajitas and beef jalapeño kebabs on skewers. He was out so came home and reheated the plate of food in the microwave and then took it up to his room. He didn’t eat any of it (gaming) and so left it in his warmish bedroom all night. He brought it downstairs this morning and put it in the fridge with a view to reheat again for tea.

I’ve told him that it can’t be reheated again - yes it can he said - you can reheat food twice. He argued black and blue and forbade me to throw it from the fridge. He’s just come downstairs to heat it up and now and I told him that he’s being silly but if he insists at least to make sure he heats it piping hot.

No, I don’t like it too hot as I then can’t eat it. Cue me telling him he’s at risk of food poisoning again. ‘I know - I did biology in school and anyway if you put the food in the fridge it kills the bacteria’. I tried to explain that all that does is suspend the bacteria and he just laughs in my face saying I’m talking shit.

I’ve let the fucker take it back up to his room hopefully sufficiently lukewarm.

Why are some kids utter assholes? AIBU to hope In a small way he gets the raging shits over the next 24 hours to teach him a Lesson?

He's 19. Let him look after his own innards.

The only problem you have imo is his lack of respect. You make him meals every day that he may or may not attend for? He has no respect for your time or effort and then you make several attempts to save him from himself.

Next time let him make his own dinner when he can be arsed to eat it.

Its up to him if he eats it. He probably wont get food poisoning

He does sound like a bit of a knob though. Its not a case of some kids being utter arseholes, hes an adult and needs to learn to be more respectful and less arrogant

Think with that attitude it’s time for him to take his savings and move out. I’m all for helping adult children out but only if they aren’t behaving like arseholes. They wouldn’t get away with it at work, so why would they want to be so arsey to their parents! Of course, wait until he has stopped puking to tell him to look for a flat.

If he gets the shits or pukes up, just laugh at him and just say "I told you so". I've got a know it all 18 year old here.

The only thing that stopped him in his tracks once was a simple comment I made to him. I got my phone out and said mind if I record you? He asked why, so I just told him that I'd play it back to him in 20 years time and he'd then realise how much of a wanker he was at 18.

The look of shock was almost worth a photo.

As long as you don’t have to share a loo with him, let him crack on. He will learn soon enough that he has a lot to learn!

I have a 19 year old DS (as well as a 23 y/o DS, 22 y/o DD and 17 y/o DS)

I wouldn’t be putting up with that attitude from any of them. Me and DH paid for our fridge so if we want to throw something away, we will

Lives rent free?

He totally doesn't respect you.

Yes let the little shit eat it and fingers crossed he isn't a lucky bugger.

However, if he can't confirm he will be in for dinner, no dinner made in future.
You will not be told what you can and can't do in your own house and that includes throwing stuff out of your fridge - especially if you paid for it and cooked it.

Does he pay any keep?

This reminds me of my brother who once, as a teen, complained that my mum had asked him to come to the table before the food was actually on the plate waiting for him. I wasn't always an angelic teenager, but I remember being stunned by his breathtaking arrogance.

The food poisoning issue isn't what's important here. The horrendous was your son treats you is the real problem.

You paid for the food and you cooked it, up to you if you throw it away. I would only cook for ours at that age if they showed respect and a bit of gratitude for it. I regularly stopped cooking them meals for short periods of time if they were arsey about it.

Also, if he's saving £1k a month, hasn't he got enough to move out now? Time to give him an ultimatum - be respectful or be gone. And stick to it.

He knows everything, there’s no telling him anything and to be honest he’s always been very fortunate with school, a great apprenticeship, drives a lovely car, lives here rent free although to be fair he offers to pay his way but we’ve told him to save hard so he can eventually get is own place (he saves nearly 1k a month).

No wonder he's taking the piss. I wouldn't dream of speaking to my parents the way he speaks to you.

I wouldn’t cook for him any more.
I hope you don’t do his laundry or clean for him either.
You also need to tell him that if he disrespects you again, in your own home, then he needs to pack his stuff into his ‘lovely car’ and find somewhere else to live.

Make sure that he cleans his own arse-spraying mayhem from the toilet bowl before he leaves, too.

YANBU. Bloody gross that it was sat out in his room all night.

I expect he'll be totally fine.

But I'd have chucked the food, cos no-one forbids me to do anything in my own home.

With that attitude he would either have to be at the table for the meal or go without. No ifs, no buts.

My DH eats food days old. He has never had an upset stomach in the 25 years I have known him.

I’m not saying it’s OK. A prawn and mayo sandwich left out all day on a very hot day will get him in due course. Or a petrol station pastie kept warm in a cabinet, then left in his car overnight and eaten the next day.

Hopefully he is going through a full-of-himself phase. Tell hi there is more to being a successful person than being bright.

Time he moved out.

He forbade you?

You lost me at that point.

I like to tell people that my BIL was EXACTLY like this. He was a total know it all jerk from 19-23, then he turned into a real human who realised we had thinggs we could offer as his family. I think it is a transitional independence thing as lots of them seem to do that. He wants to be independent from you but is stuck in your house with your rules, so he is being a jerk in such a way that it asserts he isn't your baby anymore. Let him get food poisoning and take all the loo roll out. He'll soon learn.

there is no need to tell him anything - as he knows it all

detach, detach, detach

let him work things out for himself

He sounds like a rude shit-not all kids talk to their parents like that at 20

tell him its your house you bought the food you'll do what you like with it

Err and who's house is this? I'd be pretty livid op. Maybe the games should mysteriously break sadly I'm joking

Also he can do what he wants with food he cooks himself.

Stop cooking his meals too.