To not invite people to lunch if you are not allowing people to use the toilet?

[RockingMyFiftiesNot]

A friend has invited 4 of us over for a garden lunch next week. We're each to take a bottle of Prosecco and a contribution to the lunch. That is absolutely fine, and I'd have taken drink and food contribution even if not asked. Not an issue. She has however said that she is not allowing people in her home at all, even to use a separate downstairs loo. Now that is of course her right, but then why invite people over to lunch? I need the toilet every hour/ hour and a half or so. This means I will have to drive to her lunch (Id usually walk but it will take me an hour there and back with nopublic toilets on the route) and not drink any of the Prosecco I take, and I won't be able to stay very long. I did say we could all take our own packs of wipes and clean the seat/flush/door handles after ourselves but she isn't comfortable with that. I've offered to host at my house but she wants it at hers (I'm guessing so she can use the toilet and not have to drive) and drink Prosecco....)
Not discussed with others going as don't want to seem like a bitch. I honestly get and respect her reason for not wanting people to use her loo but not sure why you would then invite people to lunch? AIBU?

YANBU. If it were just a visit, then people, who don't have a medical condition or a long journey, might be able to 'go' in advance, and wait till they got home to 'go' gain. But lunch is likely to increase people's need for the loo. I suppose she wants to be hospitable by offering lunch, but it makes the loo situation more difficult. You could tell her that you'd love to see her, but because of need for the loo, it will have to be a short visit and you won't eat or drink while there. And hope she reacts reasonably.

Tell her you will pass on the prosecco and bring a can of diet coke for yourself instead as you will need to drive and can't drink much with no loo. Also to let you know what time she plans to serve lunch so you can arrive just before and not have to rush eating while needing a pee.

Hopefully she'll realise how restrictive she is being.

@TimeWastingButFun

Why on earth doesn't she allocate a loo just for the visitors, with some kitchen roll and antibacterial spray so they can wipe down loo seat, taps, door handles etc and not use it herself?

Maybe because she only has one bathroom?

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

I'm inclined not to go but was looking forward to catching up with the others and had already accepted before I knew about the toilet situation. I might say I can't stay for long without a toilet so will decline the lunch invitation and pop in for a quick cuppa. I'm not tight but don't really want to spend upwards of a tenner on a bottle of Prosecco I can't drink and making a lunch contribution I'll be rushing.

I think this is a good alternative. You can drive as you won't be drinking so You can pop in after lunch for a cup and a quick catch up then drive home after.

@gamerchick

Yeah, those who get a she wee. Get lost of practise in with them before using them when caught short. They're not as easy to use as you think.

Yeah, that's what I imaged, which is what's rather stopped me getting one.

Maybe because she only has one bathroom?

It states right there, in the OP, that she has a separate downstairs bathroom!

She's a cf bring a bottle and a contribution but not use the toilet .
I've just spent £40 on food & drink for a bbq later only 1 friend and my in-laws coming so 6 of us . They'll bring something too but it's not obligatory and I'll certainly let them use the loo , I'll give it a good clean before and after and I'd hope they will wash their hands afterwards.

What do the other guests think? Will they all be sitting there crossed legged after a few tipples? I think this has the makings of a great comedy sketch!

I wouldn’t go, but then I also suffer from an illness that means when I need to go, I need to go, so always know where the nearest toilets are. I also wouldn’t take a bottle of wine each, unless you seriously are going to drink 4 bottles between 5 of you.

I would just say sorry can’t come as there are no facilities, and it’s not worth me coming just for an hour and unable to drink wine I bring

Next time come to me

I wouldn’t go. If all four of you went she’d have a lovely stock of Prosecco afterwards wouldn’t she? Notwithstanding the toilet issue I think she’s a CF anyway to demand a bottle from each of you on top of food. All it boils down to is she’s letting you use her garden space. No thanks!

Don't ask the host if she minds moving it to yours, ask the host AND the other guests on a whatsapp thread so there's no hiding. Note that you can offer toilet facilities for all since host is reluctant/unable to do so. That way everyone will be comfortable enjoying food and drink together, not just host.

She's being self centered and unfair, and CF expecting you all to bring alcohol for her to enjoy on top of it.

No way! Sounds awful. Even if I probably wouldn't need the loo, just knowing it wasn't an option in an emergency would stress me.

I'd tell her the lack of a toilet is a deal-breaker for you, so you've had to reconsider and will not be attending.

Ludicrous. I wouldn’t go, and I’d tell her why.
If she’s that twitchy, then TBH I’m surprised that she’s inviting people round in the first place!

She's being absurd - wants the benefits of hosting a social occasion (she doesn't have to go anywhere, everyone else is bringing food and drink) but none of the hosting duties. Except maybe allowing you to sit on some tables and chairs.

I wouldn't go. Assume some of your friend won't either. Drink and no toilet doesn't work.

Yanbu. That would be a no from me. Selfish.

if I could use the toilet, I would walk and definitely finish a bottle of Prosecco

Could you walk back after drinking a whole bottle? I’d be coming back on all fours. 🤪

No is a complete sentence.
It’s crazy to invite people over and refuse them access to tour loo.
Batshit.

Agree, pop round after lunch for an hour's catch up with the others but personally would have just declined.
Interested to hear what she says when you tell her you won't be going.

Could you walk back after drinking a whole bottle? I’d be coming back on all fours*
Course a bottle is like 3-4 glasses it'd take 2-3 hours with food but I'd definitely need the loo . I'd always bring a bottle of something if invited somewhere but if I couldn't use the loo I'd not bother . Is that her plan to have all these bottles of Prosecco because nobody wants to drink them because they'll need the loo ?.

Heck no I wouldn't go. It's poor hosting without consideration for guests

Why do you need a bottle EACH for lunch? There's no way that you can drink all that and not need the loo.
I would politely decline.

Take a funnel and leave the host a line of bottles full of your own personal vintage.

And if nobody else who lives in the house is going to be in, she could easily ask that you leave the loo door open while you use it one at a time, then all you have to wipe is wipe the seat and taps- no need to touch anything else.

I am curious to see what the OP posts on the group chat, and what the response is.

PlatoAteMySnozcumber's response is perfect.