To not invite people to lunch if you are not allowing people to use the toilet?

[RockingMyFiftiesNot]

A friend has invited 4 of us over for a garden lunch next week. We're each to take a bottle of Prosecco and a contribution to the lunch. That is absolutely fine, and I'd have taken drink and food contribution even if not asked. Not an issue. She has however said that she is not allowing people in her home at all, even to use a separate downstairs loo. Now that is of course her right, but then why invite people over to lunch? I need the toilet every hour/ hour and a half or so. This means I will have to drive to her lunch (Id usually walk but it will take me an hour there and back with nopublic toilets on the route) and not drink any of the Prosecco I take, and I won't be able to stay very long. I did say we could all take our own packs of wipes and clean the seat/flush/door handles after ourselves but she isn't comfortable with that. I've offered to host at my house but she wants it at hers (I'm guessing so she can use the toilet and not have to drive) and drink Prosecco....)
Not discussed with others going as don't want to seem like a bitch. I honestly get and respect her reason for not wanting people to use her loo but not sure why you would then invite people to lunch? AIBU?

Love the suggestion of joining the lunch via zoom from my loo! Inspired!

I didn't think you are allowed to share food and drink, you're supposed to take your own and consume your own?

Can't you meet for lunch in a pub/restaurant garden? Then you'd have access to toilets, otherwise I wouldn't go.

I'd just wee behind a bush in her garden ( especially after a bottle of wine)

Defo zoom in!

I wouldn't go either, just politely decline. I have a weak bladder, and when I gotta go I gotta go!

It's a bit cheeky that your friend is requesting you all take a bottle of Prosecco as you won't all drink that if no one can use the toilet but your friend the house owner.

Do you think that some of your friends are planning to see what happens when they say they need the toilet and see if she really will say 'no you cannot use my toilet'.?

Haha no - drink the bottle of prosecco yourself or invite just the others round for a peeing-in-the-loo party and leave Princess Potty out of it

Could you not just go in a flower bed/compost heap? Or is it a number 2 you're worried about?

Offer to piss in her garden?

Only half a joke. I was indeed weeing in my mum's (heavily overlooked) garden when dropping off supplies to her at the start of all this. No chance of me doing a 7 mile walk without needing a wee.

I'd decline the invitation OP, as you say, it doesn't actually sound much of a fun catch up at all.

I think you’re right to decline and say why.

I have a pack of anti bac wipes and a roll of hand towel in my downstairs loo for visitors.

She’s crazy! And honestly I’m shocked that she’s stipulated you must bring a bottle of prosecco and a lunch item with you. Honestly what is your friend doing to make you all welcome- rather than issuing diktats.

I had friends over a couple of weeks ago once the guidelines were relaxed. Everybody brought their own picnic so no issues around sharing food.

I provided lots of drinks inc prosecco but as is usual with my friends everybody brought some drinks (But it wasn’t requested) and actually most people stuck with what they had brought which was absolutely fine.

I thoroughly cleaned and disinfected the downstairs loo, put in antibiotic wipes, lots of liquid soaps, and a dozen new face towels to use as individual towels for drying your hands on.
Bin for the wipes, and basket for the used towels.

We had extra bottles of hand sanitizer on the table, and all the garden chairs were cleaned and sprayed with antiseptic, all the seat pads and picnic rugs were washed and dried in the sunshine, glasses and crockery were cleaned then put in boiling water, before air drying so I had everything as safe as I could.

It was quite a lot of work but so worth it to spend time with friends. The precautions might seem a little extreme but we have one friend who is medically very vulnerable but was keen to meet up with us all.

Shit in her geraniums

I hadn't read that @Summer41, can you send link please? Friend has already said she will separate out food so we have our own platters, I'm ok with that. My understanding is that it cannot be transmitted by food, only the surfaces of boxes stored in or what served on. But it's a good point that there are other risks involved which she seems happily to take, but not the toilet.

Why does your friend think she can catch Covid from a toilet seat? Doesn’t she realise it’s spread by respiratory droplets? She’d be better off thoroughly/regularly cleaning frequently touched surfaces. I’d be tempted to send her a link to some basic infection control guidance, but then I’m a sarcastic so and so at times.

As a PP said, sharing food is probably riskier.

Agree she’s a CF expecting you all to contribute, but it not being practical to attend. She wouldn’t hold her bladder for that long, so why on earth should the rest of you?

Well, you couldn't drink much Prosecco and drive anyway. Is she just expecting to bag a lot of spare vino?

Turn up with a mini bottle, a pork pie and your own bucket.

Do any of you have toddlers and could take a pottie .......

What if it rains? She’s being unreasonable, IMO. I’d invite and say you can of course use the downstairs loo, unless everyone stays only half an hour.

It's different if it was just popping in to say hi but you can't offer a meal plus drinks and then not offer the use of a toilet.

She has made her rules clear so I wouldn't go and try to compromise her on them, but I don't think I'd go if I knew I was likely to need the toilet every hour, what fun is that, you would go and feel like you're on a timer until you need it.

I would simply explain my reason to her, I'd want her to know why I wasn't going rather than her thinking it was for some other reason.

This is a bit extreme but could she rent a portloo/outdoor toilet for the gathering? It might be a possible solution. I don't know her personal circumstances so I don't know why she is frightened of having people come into her house, but I will say that it doesn't sound like she is being malicious, she is acting through fear.

Take a shewee, or crouch down and piss on her dahlias.

You should change the venue to a park with a toilet. Or your place. Don't go to hers.

So she expects you to take a bottle of Prosecco each , and the food.
What’s she providing !
I wouldn’t go. I would rather sit in my own garden and drink all my proseccco 😂

@unlikelytobe if I could use the toilet, I would walk and definitely finish a bottle of Prosecco. I only need to drive because walking there/back would take too long with no toilet. Taking a mini bottle of Prosecco is a great idea, then I'm not looking petty, just taking what I can drink

I had already offered to host and my house, but that was declined by this host. I will arrange another one next week.

She's not actually doing much hosting though, is she? Her guests have been told they are to provide the food and plenty of booze, she's not even allowing access to her toilet. She's not the host, just the extremely jammy recipient of a nice free lunch and four bottles of prosecco delivered to her home by her friends! I would message the group suggesting you meet for lunch and drinks in the beer garden of a nice local pub so that you can all relax and enjoy yourselves, not just the "host".

She shouldn’t have invited people over if she doesn’t want her loo used. If you change your plans (which I’d be inclined to do), be (polite but) explicit about the reason.

I am not sure she is ready to be inviting guests.

I am having 2 friends over today for the first time and have just been outside setting out the chairs 2m appart. I will bleach spray the downstairs loo which they will be allowed to use and all the door handles before they arrive and leave out a packet of wipes.

I don't think any of us would be able to drink if there was no loo available so I know where you are coming from!

I would decline and explain why.

Sounds like a nightmare I would need to pee after one glass.