To not invite people to lunch if you are not allowing people to use the toilet?

[RockingMyFiftiesNot]

A friend has invited 4 of us over for a garden lunch next week. We're each to take a bottle of Prosecco and a contribution to the lunch. That is absolutely fine, and I'd have taken drink and food contribution even if not asked. Not an issue. She has however said that she is not allowing people in her home at all, even to use a separate downstairs loo. Now that is of course her right, but then why invite people over to lunch? I need the toilet every hour/ hour and a half or so. This means I will have to drive to her lunch (Id usually walk but it will take me an hour there and back with nopublic toilets on the route) and not drink any of the Prosecco I take, and I won't be able to stay very long. I did say we could all take our own packs of wipes and clean the seat/flush/door handles after ourselves but she isn't comfortable with that. I've offered to host at my house but she wants it at hers (I'm guessing so she can use the toilet and not have to drive) and drink Prosecco....)
Not discussed with others going as don't want to seem like a bitch. I honestly get and respect her reason for not wanting people to use her loo but not sure why you would then invite people to lunch? AIBU?

I would go then after about an hour I would say in front of everyone that I either needed to use her loo or leave, which would she like me to do.

I bet she lets people use the loo.

I would politely decline. I also think it’s cheeky to ask all four guests to bring a whole bottle of Prosecco, assuming you’re not all on foot and free to drink as much as you like?! Another option would be to say great I’ll bring my she-wee to use in the garden, see how that goes down

Yeah, those who get a she wee. Get lost of practise in with them before using them when caught short. They're not as easy to use as you think.

The sharing lunch situation is more risky in my opinion that using the loo and cleaning it after.

I wouldn’t go for the lunch. Although suggesting that you pop in for a cuppa sounds fine.

A garden visit without toilet access is one thing if you’re just chatting, but it’s not really workable if you’re having lunch and a bottle of Prosecco each and it’s an hours walk back to your house.

She is being a total dick head.

You can't invite people to lunch where several bottles of alcohol will be served, and refuse access to a toilet

Nobody will enjoy it, everyone will be on edge waiting for that first wee to come, then what?

The lockdown has been lifted, enabling people to be 2m apart indoors or out. So why is she being so ridiculous?

If she is that worried and anxious she shouldn't be hosting. End of.

I wouldn’t go.

She is an imbecile; she must know in a group of people it’s totally unrealistic that over a lunch with alcohol no one will need the bathroom. All I can imagine is that she is counting on half the bottles not being opened so she can make a profit on the lunch. Otherwise she’s just appallingly insensitive.

Don’t go.

She's mad. I wouldn't accept an invite if I couldn't use the toilet.

Decline. I did this a couple of weeks ago and I left front door open, sanitised the bannister (I'm first floor) disinfected bathroom door and handles and cleaned bathroom thoroughly. Left clean towels and kitchen roll a full bottle of anti bac soap, hand gel and dettol wipes. Everyone was happy with this

It’s quite an extreme response....

I would decline. Feels like she’s being very demanding and inhospitable. Also after a couple of glasses of fizz I expect the loo rule will be relasxed

I think popping round for a cuppa is a good compromise.

No I wouldn't go either.

To respond to various comments above (can't remember the names to tag, sorry!) I appreciate it's her home her rules - hopefully my respect for that has come across in my posts. I just think it's a CF who asks for food and drink contributions when people can't make the most of them.
The tenner I mentioned was for both bottle and the food contribution.
The friend hosting will not at all be surprised at people needing the toilet hourly as she definitely does!
I will decline the lunch based on toilet facilities and tell her I'll pop in. Am going to put that in the group chat as I am sure there are others who will feel the same and having the same dilemma as me.

Your friend wants a load.of free prosecco, IMO. Avoid! She's a CF.

I'd decline. Or say to her and the other friends that perhaps it would be better if you hosted the event since you are happy to make sure everyone has access to a toilet.

Don’t go. We’ve had people over in the garden a few times. I clean the downstairs loo and allocate it to them, we use upstairs, then I clean it again when they have gone.

She’s being ridiculous. I wouldn’t go personally. She’s alright, can neck Prosecco and use the loo, but won’t let you do the same. And of course she doesn’t want to go to your house instead!

Take a she-wee, pee against the fence.

I wouldn’t go as I’d feel uncomfortable if I needed a sudden dash to the loo and had to hold it in for an hour or more.
Can you ask her to rearrange to a park or somewhere with local public toilets? If she’s not willing to consider it then it’s no loss.
Failing that bring a bucket to use

Why on earth doesn't she allocate a loo just for the visitors, with some kitchen roll and antibacterial spray so they can wipe down loo seat, taps, door handles etc and not use it herself?

Yeah, those who get a she wee. Get lost of practise in with them before using them when caught short. They're not as easy to use as you think.

You sound like you're speaking from bitter experience @gamerchick 😆

I would just say in the group chat that you totally understand that she isn’t comfortable with people using the toilet which is fair enough, but the lack of toilet availability makes the lunch an unviable option for you. I would also offer to host said lunch at your house and offer use of the toilet as you have a higher risk tolerance so are happy to do it. See if everyone else would rather do it at yours.

I met up with my friends recently in a garden. One toilet was available for the group to use, the rest of her family used the other. Toilet cleaned before and after. Wipes, antibacterial gel, etc available.

Alcohol causes more frequent urination so her plan is flawed

I had already offered to host and my house, but that was declined by this host. I will arrange another one next week.