To not invite people to lunch if you are not allowing people to use the toilet?

[RockingMyFiftiesNot]

A friend has invited 4 of us over for a garden lunch next week. We're each to take a bottle of Prosecco and a contribution to the lunch. That is absolutely fine, and I'd have taken drink and food contribution even if not asked. Not an issue. She has however said that she is not allowing people in her home at all, even to use a separate downstairs loo. Now that is of course her right, but then why invite people over to lunch? I need the toilet every hour/ hour and a half or so. This means I will have to drive to her lunch (Id usually walk but it will take me an hour there and back with nopublic toilets on the route) and not drink any of the Prosecco I take, and I won't be able to stay very long. I did say we could all take our own packs of wipes and clean the seat/flush/door handles after ourselves but she isn't comfortable with that. I've offered to host at my house but she wants it at hers (I'm guessing so she can use the toilet and not have to drive) and drink Prosecco....)
Not discussed with others going as don't want to seem like a bitch. I honestly get and respect her reason for not wanting people to use her loo but not sure why you would then invite people to lunch? AIBU?

So you are going to each drink a bottle of Prosecco and no one is going to go to the loo? Poor planning. Also - a bottle of Prosecco and then driving home?

She is trying too hard to recreate the boozy lunches of yesteryear. I would say you will pop in for the beginning and bring a nibble, but can only stay 45 minutes. And since you have to drive you won't bring or drink prosecco. If the rest are downing Prosecco, you won't be the only one ducking home early to the loo.

@Localocal did you read my OP? There's no mention of driving after drinking a bottle of Prosecco and driving???

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace

I guess I’m lucky as I have three toilets!

I'd piss myself with indecision, on a regular basis, if I had more than one.

I liked your reply, but I wouldn't have bothered. Why is she so hell bent of inviting people round and yet being so inhospitable. It's really odd.

She is very U. I do believe the rules are clear that it’s ok to go through a house to get to the garden or use the loo. If’s fine for her to not be comfortable with that. But if that is the case she shouldn’t be inviting you to lunch!

I'd politely decline the invitation.

Oh I would never last a whole lunch with drinks without having to use the loo, that'd be a no from me

That is odd! I wouldnt be able to have a drink at all as I'm always needing the loo (after 2 kids my bladder is as fragile as a water balloon). Unless she is getting a camping loo just say no. You cant enjoy a lunch and a glass of fizz knowing you can't pee - just knowing you can't is going to make you need it more.

Have you been round yet @OP??

I think she just doesn’t want to clean a toilet other people have used, if she has a cleaner regularly. As you can tell from MN these days, people often think cleaning toilets used by other people is beneath them 🤷🏼‍♀️

But you CAN go in to use the loo now can't you? Or am I misunderstanding the rules?

I see you’ve already sent it but the mini bottle seems really passive aggressive. I would have either declined or just driven and taken a bottle and only had one glass, then you know you’ve always done the right thing. Life isn’t always about winning and point scoring.

@Bluesheep8 yes you have been able to use the toilet ever since you were able to meet up in gardens. I honestly don't have an issue with anyone who doesn't want to let people use the toilet, but then I don't understand why you would have people round for lunch and refuse offers from others who are happy to host.

Anyway, it is what it is. I am going to go, drive, not drink and leave as soon as I need a wee!

Not been yet, it's on Wednesday.

Hope you have a lovely time - we'll all be sitting with crossed fingers and crossed legs awaiting the outcome!

@Andwoooshtheyweregone oh my goodness your post has really upset me. I was trying to do the right thing. Maybe I will take big bottle now and just have one glass.

The world's gone mad, I'm a care worker visiting the elderly at home. A certain client happily let me clean her kitchen, make her breakfast etc. then declined to let me use her toilet, saying go to the local supermarket.

And I certainly was t looking to win or score points. Not my style and I am quite taken aback

@Susan1961 that is bonkers.

Alcohol makes people need the toilet more.. She is so unreasonable and weird

Ha , I visited my friends in their garden this week , I could have asked to use the loo but didn't because of distancing etc , but 3 cups of tea and a couple of hours chatting I was pretty glad to not be held up in traffic on the hour drive home !

And that's 5 different households. So I'm assuming you won't be going inside if it rains?

@Andwoooshtheyweregone

I see you’ve already sent it but the mini bottle seems really passive aggressive. I would have either declined or just driven and taken a bottle and only had one glass, then you know you’ve always done the right thing. Life isn’t always about winning and point scoring.

Oh, FGS! That is not being passive aggressive! Get over yourself

The OP sounds lovely.

What will you do if it rains @RockingMyFiftiesNot?

I would take sparkling elderflower for starters if you are driving, but it's unreasonable not to have a toilet available (she could quarantine it if she's that worried)

Could you cobble together a contraption with some waterproof pants, a she-wee and a long hose connected to holding tanks in your car? That way you could move about the garden without hindrance. Just make sure none of the guests accidentally put their chair on the hose as the blowback could be catastrophic.

@Ginfordinner It is petty to only take one tiny bottle and a straw if you would have otherwise taken a full bottle, it was suggested to prove a point. So yes I think she is being PA.

And in me being petty- no, you get over yourself.