To not invite people to lunch if you are not allowing people to use the toilet?

[RockingMyFiftiesNot]

A friend has invited 4 of us over for a garden lunch next week. We're each to take a bottle of Prosecco and a contribution to the lunch. That is absolutely fine, and I'd have taken drink and food contribution even if not asked. Not an issue. She has however said that she is not allowing people in her home at all, even to use a separate downstairs loo. Now that is of course her right, but then why invite people over to lunch? I need the toilet every hour/ hour and a half or so. This means I will have to drive to her lunch (Id usually walk but it will take me an hour there and back with nopublic toilets on the route) and not drink any of the Prosecco I take, and I won't be able to stay very long. I did say we could all take our own packs of wipes and clean the seat/flush/door handles after ourselves but she isn't comfortable with that. I've offered to host at my house but she wants it at hers (I'm guessing so she can use the toilet and not have to drive) and drink Prosecco....)
Not discussed with others going as don't want to seem like a bitch. I honestly get and respect her reason for not wanting people to use her loo but not sure why you would then invite people to lunch? AIBU?

Haven't RTWT. She isn't comfortable with people using her toilet but you aren't comfortable without using the toilet - that's easy, you decline the invitation. You are not being a bitch but she is unreasonable. Just say that you are not comfortable about the toilet arrangements and therefore must decline. Hard cheese if she doesn't like it.

Definitely yanbu. I wouldn't be able to go either due to overactive bladder - the very idea that I couldn't go would make me extremely uncomfortable. She is being pretty selfish imo.

Hmmm sounds like a CF to me 😊

Take a bucket and advise the other guests to do the same.....
Talk about a bucket list ☺

Explain you’d love to catch up and see everyone but as you have to drive you’ll bring the soft drinks.
Sounds to me like she’s trying to get free Prosecco. Her excuse about the toilet is ridiculous. If she feels like that about COVID she shouldn’t be hosting an event however small

Take a commode and set it up underneath her apple tree.
Hang your loo roll off a low branch and put baby wipes on an upturned plant pot.
She'll get the message.

She's nuts!

There’s no way I’d be going. I can’t go long without needing the loo and the more I think about not going the more I actually need to go.
She’s totally unreasonable IMO.

Has anyone actually bothered to read the OP's updates?

I understand her caution but if she is going to be that cautious she shouldn't be issuing invites to lunch I don't get the issuing invites thing and telling people what to bring either If I invite folk here it's for me to be hospitable (it's a Scottish thing ) In your situation I wouldn't go

I wouldn't go. Bonkers. And actually pretty selfish.
YANBU.

YANBU. That’s ridiculous and very rude/ self involved of the host.

Piss all over her garden furniture

There’s nothing worse than having to hold your wee in!
I think she’s being a drama llama so I would be giving this meal a miss 😊 xx

4 bottles of Prosecco on the go and not allowed to use the loo??

I guess I’m lucky as I have three toilets!

I'd piss myself with indecision, on a regular basis, if I had more than one.

OP, great idea to just pop in and have a cuppa with everyone. If you're driving you wouldn't be able to drink a bottle of prosecco anyway and I think you're being very kind towards your friend, hard to guage everyone's anxiety levels on this so it's a super compromise by you.

I wouldn't go.

That’s just odd, even taking coronavirus into account.

Take your own bucket and wipes Portaloo and party 🥳

Well done for being upfront about the reason! There’s no way I’d go. I don’t have any physical reason to worry but I would be so anxious in that situation.

She shouldn’t be hosting if she’s not ready for that.

:o at the lack of cleaner but I’d have thought if she was that anxious about people seeing her house she’d have bitten your arm off at the offer to host it (I say that from experience as I’ve been the one not wanting people round)

Don't take prosecco- just say you are driving. I would make excuses and say lack of toilet is an issue. I actually think it's rude to invite people for lunch and ask for a contribution. If you can't afford it or are too mean, don't invite people for lunch - just invite them for coffee. I would, however, always bring something for the host.

Of course it's her right and her choice.

Pure laziness on her part. Otherwise she'd have to buy flushable antibac wipes, and the such. Then of.course.after everyone has.left, then clean out the toilet, and sensibly through away the toilet roll.

Of course it's your right and choice to not go.

My fiancee who has been shielding and has a very slight bladder issue (post menopause)! She said she wouldn't go to town knowing there were no toilets (post July 4th and almost all opening up). I contacted one place to find if the disabled toilets with RADAR KEY, would be available ... Yes. So then she felt able to.go.to.town.

We both carry a antibac gel (mine is hung.on my rollator) and we both have antibac wipes (lol pocket ones).

I think if you know people haven't been in contact with covid, there shouldn't be a reason to worry.

Of course you have fucking twats like in Burnham on sea recently who while waiting for his test result went to the pub. Risked the lives of 70 people, and their family's n friends. The pub had to shut again and have a second deep clean.

Becareful out there, be safe, and.practise good hand hygiene.

I share the toilets at work with 30 odd other staff members. Good job I’m not so precious.

I’m going back to work soon. I plan to make sure I don’t drink too much so I don’t have to use the loos.

I wouldn’t go probably. But first I might recommend that she lets you use the toilet when you are there. She gives you anti bacterial stuff etc and then she and the rest of her family doesn’t use that toilet for a few days. I wouldn’t invite people over without allowing them to use the loo. And to be honest I’m a bit gob smacked she had told you that you have to bring Prosecco. Can’t stand it myself. When people come to my house I cater for them, if they ask I may suggest something they may want to bring. But otherwise an invitation of hospitality should be just that. Hospitality. Bloody hell.