To not invite people to lunch if you are not allowing people to use the toilet?

[RockingMyFiftiesNot]

A friend has invited 4 of us over for a garden lunch next week. We're each to take a bottle of Prosecco and a contribution to the lunch. That is absolutely fine, and I'd have taken drink and food contribution even if not asked. Not an issue. She has however said that she is not allowing people in her home at all, even to use a separate downstairs loo. Now that is of course her right, but then why invite people over to lunch? I need the toilet every hour/ hour and a half or so. This means I will have to drive to her lunch (Id usually walk but it will take me an hour there and back with nopublic toilets on the route) and not drink any of the Prosecco I take, and I won't be able to stay very long. I did say we could all take our own packs of wipes and clean the seat/flush/door handles after ourselves but she isn't comfortable with that. I've offered to host at my house but she wants it at hers (I'm guessing so she can use the toilet and not have to drive) and drink Prosecco....)
Not discussed with others going as don't want to seem like a bitch. I honestly get and respect her reason for not wanting people to use her loo but not sure why you would then invite people to lunch? AIBU?

@RockingMyFiftiesNot YANBU that's ridiculous.

Could you possibly take a camping toilet? Lol

She is being unreasonable. If she is that scared she should not invite guests over. I would ask your friends to your place and stress they can use your loo.

I don't think I would attend 😄

YANBU - she shouldn't be holding a lunch at hers if people not allowed to use loo

My hairdresser who is also a friend came to mine last mon to trim my hair,And she needed to use loo she usually does i bleached and cleaned before she came provided paper towels, cleaned after she left.And its my only loo i live in a small flat

Your friend sounds totally over the top,wouldnt go.

YANBU. If she wants to be that careful - which is fine - she really shouldn’t be having a lunch party. Cheeky to tell you to bring Prosecco too. What does she expect people to do? Go behind a bush or get cystitis from holding it in? Crazy.

I just wouldn't go

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

She’s either very unaware of what she has requested. Or is very aware and still requested it.

Either way, I don’t think she’s much of a friend. Unless you’d treat her the same way (which you wouldn’t because you said you’d be glad to house it at yours).

So don’t go (unless that is what she wants all along). If not then she’s being the Prima Donna. Do people not understand etiquette anymore. You need to give your guests a toilet to use of you’re inviting them over.

Unless she’s hired a CLEAN port-a-loo to be places in her garden for her guests to use, don’t go.

She is BU. I would need the loo. I also think you should say you need to make it at yours instead, and that people can use your loo - apart from her, obvs. She won't want to, will she? ;)

Take a She Wee and pee in her garden.

@N0tJustY0ga that's actually not a bad idea 😂 OP maybe you could suggest in the group chat she hires a portaloo? You could say it half jokingly lol

Why would she even suggest it!! Not a chance I'd go.

Meet in the park then you can pee behind a bush - I've done this twice with my friends lately!! Nice to have a wander and find a private spot. We all did, just not at the same time!

All my builders use my cloakroom downstairs and I disinfect it at end of day. I use other toilet/s in house. Why not do that?! Who invites people round without a loo? Screw that!

Even my most «paranoid» friend has provided lunch (all provided by her) and toilet use with extra precautions - separate towels, sanitiser and various sprays. I couldn’t be bothered with the scenario you have described - that is no invitation.

I think you either have to accept or decline. You can't just drop in for a cuppa if you've been invited to lunch unless she suggests it. Just apologise in a so sorry can't possibly do a boozy lunch with no loos, my place next time instead type thing.

You could always ask if she would be OK with you pissing in her border?
Otherwise yeah, just say you'll come for a cup of tea. Definitely don't spend loads of money.

I think everyone on this thread has become fixated on pissing in flowerbeds

I'm assuming she has asked you all to bring your own plates/glasses/cutlery too? As surely that is more of a risk than a bathroom.
I've been shielding and had family visit the garden at a safe distance family used our downstairs bathroom and my DH cleaned it afterwards. I brought cans of coke etc so that they wouldn't need to use my cups/glasses. Not done a meal yet am definitely looking forward to it though 🙂

YANBU. I would end up pissing myself.

I wouldn't go.

There’s no way on this earth I’d go, very silly not to allow anyone to use the Loo, as long as it’s cleaned afterwards,

A polite refusal is in order. She is being completely unreasonable here.

She's not being very hospitable all round! Apart from the loo issue, you all have to take a bottle and part of the lunch.

Other than presumably providing a table and chairs, what is her contribution?

I would normally take wine/chocolates/flowers but don't like to be told what to bring! It's not really an invitation is it, more a get-together like you'd do in a park, IMO.

Would you be able to drink a whole bottle of Prosecco each anyway at lunch, will the others without using the loo? Why don’t you just take a non-alcoholic drink and drive, then you can drive home for the loo and go back if you want.

I think your friend is hoping to have her Prosecco larder refilled for free.it’s unreasonable to say it must be at her house but you can’t use the loo.