AIB a spoilt brat, or are my parents crazy? Or both?

[Oakmaiden]

I haven't seen my parents since February. I do miss them, but if I am completely honest it is not unusual for me not to see them between Feb half term and the summer holidays, as we are often busy during Easter and May half term, and they live about 4 hours drive away. Now that I am allowed to drive more than 5 miles (I live in Wales) they are very keen for me to travel down and stay with them for a few days.

But.

My dad has a lung disease, and is still shielding. So if I go down to stay I will not be allowed in the house at all. I will sleep in a tent in the garden, use an outside bucket and tap to wash and will use a porta potty in the shed for the "necessaries". All food and socialising will be done outside.

I could live with the tent, and if it is only a couple of days I could live with the tap and bucket, but the portapotty is the thing of nightmares. I am, and always have been, really funny about toilets. And I have a complete phobia about spiders and long legged insects (I am better than I was, but it is still there). That said, I do go camping and the facilities there are sometimes not the nicest (understatement). I get around this by using supermarket toilets/pub toilets during the day and evening, and only using the campsite toilet in an absolute emergency. And it makes me feel very uncomfortable, but I do do it.

I have said I am going to wait until I can go in the house and use their loo before I come down. And they are disappointed. And I feel like a right prima donna. But I also know that the whole toilet thing will genuinely make me really uncomfortable and possibly give me actual nightmares. (Yes, I do have nightmares about having to use unpleasant toilets. Go figure.)

Am I being a right brat?

[NeutrinoWrangler]

*guilt me, not get me...

[Oakmaiden]

Why do you have to suggest to your parents that you’ll stay in a b&b? Why can’t you just say “I’ll stay in a b&b

Honestly? There is a small part of me that hopes if I suggest it they will say "Oh, my dear, you can't spend all that money on a hotel. Maybe we can work out a way for you to use the proper toilet in our house" - or even "Would you like us to help you pay for the hotel"...

Though the latter is very unlikely! I am not going to ask for either, but I thought I might give them the chance to offer...

[Apolloanddaphne]

No way would I want to do that. Get a hotel or stay with your sister.

[Sparrow234]

Hotels are open in England so just stay in a hotel and go spent time socialising with them in the garden....

[Tappering]

Yanbu. If they think it's such an excellent idea, then why don't they travel to see you, sleep in a tent, wash from the outside tap and shit in a bucket in your garden?

I haven't seen my parents since December. My mum is in the highly vulnerable category so I'm not likely to see her again anytime soon. It sucks but that's the reality of the situation.

[Oakmaiden]

why does your husband device what money is spent on and surely you must've saved on other things during lockdown

He doesn't, completely. But on the other hand £100 is not an insignificant amount of money, and I do feel I would need his agreement.

We haven't saved anything really, over lockdown. Everyone has been home all the time eating food, so our food bills have gone up. We have saved on dh travelling to work, but that has been balanced by the fact he hasn't had any overtime pay. We aren't big spenders on leisure activities anyway, and daughter's dance and drama lessons have mostly continued online, so have still had to pay for them. Plus I earn money by being a Photofinish Technician for Welsh Athletics (all matchs cancelled, thus no work and no pay), making dance costumes for children's dance festivals and shows (all cancelled thus no costumes needed) and as a supply teacher (schools have been closed - and those that are open aren't looking for supply teachers) so it has been a bit grim.

[back2good]

Ask them to pay for/contribute to a hotel room for you if they want you to visit.

[Oakmaiden]

I don;t want to impose on my sister - last time I stayed over she gave me her bedroom and slept on the sofa. I'm not going to ask her to do that.

[back2good]

If they can't pay for the hotel, and you don't want to waste money on one, then just say no.

Funny how all the jumping, time and expenditure is expected to be made by you. I hate that. And they want you to piss in a pot for the privilege. Literally.

[RandomMess]

What are you gaining seeing them from a distance in person over increased Video calling them???

It sounds like you can't really afford the travel? It's a long way to virtually "wild camp" are they even going to cook and shop for you?

[Soontobe60]

Why don’t you gave a Covid test the day before you’re going down, then isolate. That way you’ll be covid free!

[GabsAlot]

im funny about toilets so im with you-i didnt see my df for 4 months until he let me use his toilet

i think theyve missed the point of a bubble-its so you can let the other person come round like normal not just sit in the garden

[NoSquirrels]

I don;t want to impose on my sister - last time I stayed over she gave me her bedroom and slept on the sofa. I'm not going to ask her to do that.

Tell her you’ll sleep on the sofa! Or put your tent up in her garden & use the facilities. It doesn’t sound as if you can really afford £100 on accommodation so be a bit more assertive.

[SteelyPanther]

Don’t go.

[lynsey91]

@Oakmaiden surely you can find a hotel or airbnb for less than £100? Have you actually looked at places?

As I said, where my parents live the Travelodge is usually £70 to £90 a night but at present it is only £30

[Oakmaiden]

Why don’t you gave a Covid test the day before you’re going down, then isolate. That way you’ll be covid free!

There is a complete other discussion. The chances of me actually having covid are minisule. I shop via click and collect, haven't had to go out to work and haven't socialised with anyone. The only member of my family who conceivably might catch it currently is my son, as he is the one who tends to pop to the corner shop for bread and milk and has been to school 3 times in the past fortnight.

So he (my dad) is at no greater risk of catching it from me if I visit and use their loo than he has of catching it when popping in to the corner shop in 3 months time when he is no longer shielding. As there will always be a tiny risk until there is a successful vaccine. But I am not going to argue with hime about it. It is his decision.

And besides, imagine I argued, got them to give in and then he managed to catch it in the next few weeks (from me or elsewhere). I would never forgive myself.

[Oakmaiden]

surely you can find a hotel or airbnb for less than £100? Have you actually looked at places?

Cheapest I can find is £47 a night. I was ball park figuring before actually looking earlier :)

[sadpapercourtesan]

There is nothing on this earth that would induce me to camp in someone's garden and shit in a shed

Hotel or wait until his shielding is over. I'm sure they're just desperate to see you and a bit dotty, rather than hideously selfish and delusional, but....no.

[PigletJohn]

I read in "Which" that Premier Inns have a good CV regime.

My BiL has a small canal boat with not much living accomodation or facilities, and when I visit him I usually stay in a nearby hotel, which is fine. We can meet during the day, chug along for a bit or go on outings, have meals, and I spend the nights in cleanliness and comfort.

[Herja]

If you're happy with the tent, I would tell your sister that you plan to pitch it at hers (if she has a garden), but use her house for kitchen/bathroom etc. If she doesn't have a garden, I'd personally just wait a bit longer, but the hotel is also a good idea.

No way would I ever shit in a bucket to visit someone. Just no.

[AriadnesFilament]

This is a ridiculous and utterly miserable plan when there are so many other options that don’t involve crapping in a bucket in a shed and sleeping in a bloody garden.

You could drive there and back in a day.

You could stay with your sister.

You could book accommodation in an AirBnB/holiday cottage/hotel.

You could legitimately camp on an actual campsite with proper facilities.

You could camp in their garden (if you must) but use your sister’s bathroom if it’s as close as you say in one of your updates.

Protecting your dad’s health is their judgement call, but they don’t get to tell you (and expect you to be happy about it) to be Ray Mears in order to do it.

[AriadnesFilament]

It is not being ‘fastidious’ to want running water and a proper place to go to the loo when visiting family.

[Notonthestairs]

You sound like a lovely thoughtful daughter and you are trying v hard to make this work.

If a hotel/Airbnb is out of your price range and you are ok with a tent could you cope with a chamber pot and washing from a washing up bowl/ wet wipes. It wouldn't be particularly pleasant but would limit your spider exposure.

[Notonthestairs]

Actually camping at your sisters sound like the way to go.

[AriadnesFilament]

Basically, tell them arse and they can shit in a bucket in your shed if they think it’s such a fab idea!