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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIB a spoilt brat, or are my parents crazy? Or both?

212 replies

Oakmaiden · 11/07/2020 10:22

I haven't seen my parents since February. I do miss them, but if I am completely honest it is not unusual for me not to see them between Feb half term and the summer holidays, as we are often busy during Easter and May half term, and they live about 4 hours drive away. Now that I am allowed to drive more than 5 miles (I live in Wales) they are very keen for me to travel down and stay with them for a few days.

But.

My dad has a lung disease, and is still shielding. So if I go down to stay I will not be allowed in the house at all. I will sleep in a tent in the garden, use an outside bucket and tap to wash and will use a porta potty in the shed for the "necessaries". All food and socialising will be done outside.

I could live with the tent, and if it is only a couple of days I could live with the tap and bucket, but the portapotty is the thing of nightmares. I am, and always have been, really funny about toilets. And I have a complete phobia about spiders and long legged insects (I am better than I was, but it is still there). That said, I do go camping and the facilities there are sometimes not the nicest (understatement). I get around this by using supermarket toilets/pub toilets during the day and evening, and only using the campsite toilet in an absolute emergency. And it makes me feel very uncomfortable, but I do do it.

I have said I am going to wait until I can go in the house and use their loo before I come down. And they are disappointed. And I feel like a right prima donna. But I also know that the whole toilet thing will genuinely make me really uncomfortable and possibly give me actual nightmares. (Yes, I do have nightmares about having to use unpleasant toilets. Go figure.)

Am I being a right brat?

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 11/07/2020 11:04

Fuck that. There’s no way I would be going. What if the weather was bad? Would you shout from the door of your tent across the garden to their windows or patio?
I’d sack that off.

Blueuggboots · 11/07/2020 11:05

Nope. I wouldn't mind staying in a tent but the rest of would be a no from me.

mumwon · 11/07/2020 11:06

when family come over forday visit I completely emptied my bathroom out (toothbrushes & towels etc) put up separate toilet toll for visitors & a roll of kitchen paper for hand towels with bin immediately under
Every time someone used loo I sprayed ALL used surfaces (toilet plush flush button taps sinks & door handle with anti bac
(dh x vulnerable)
this meant everybody was safe & could use loo safely - you could be in charge of antibac & do same

skybluee · 11/07/2020 11:09

If you can afford the hotel I say do it. Life is short, it's obvious you're genuinely afraid of the portaloo and you want to see your parents. This means you can. It honestly seems like a reasonable situation to me, you haven't seen them for ages. I hope you go and enjoy it.

CambsAlways · 11/07/2020 11:10

I think the whole scenario is excuse the pun potty! I wouldn’t do it

Disfordarkchocolate · 11/07/2020 11:10

Plenty of hotels open, stay in one. Your parents are mad.

skybluee · 11/07/2020 11:11

To the people criticising the parents - they just obviously are desperate to see their daughter. People camp all of the times. It might be a weird suggestion but these are not normal times. They are probably frightened.

CharityDingle · 11/07/2020 11:12

Oh definitely a hotel, consider it a break for yourself.

I'm not an outdoors type, camping holidays were never for me, but even if they were, no!

Nottherealslimshady · 11/07/2020 11:12

I would wait until they're no longer shielding. No way would I use a bucket in someones garden. I've gone in the wild many times but nope.

Raella50 · 11/07/2020 11:12

WHAT!!!!!!!! I can’t believe someone would suggest that!!!!! Awful, awful, awful. Absolutely not and I wouldn’t even consider it. FaceTime is the way to go here. My parents are in a similar position and love a similar drive away - I wouldn’t even think about visiting them until I can book a B&B. I don’t even like staying with them anyway as I like to have my own base to escape to. Staying on a tent and using an outdoor tap! I really can’t even imagine them suggesting that to me.

OhTheRoses · 11/07/2020 11:14

I’m more concerned that your doh may question the expense of an hotel.

rebecca102 · 11/07/2020 11:15

Sorry but this is absolutely ridiculous. Can't you just get a hotel?

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 11/07/2020 11:16

They are probably frightened

Then why didnt they suggest to camp in the OPs garden if they think camping is so wonderful?
Of course not, because that would involve them being uncomfortable, possible getting lashed with rain/wind and having to wash in cold water from a bucket. Funny how its not so appealing when you have to do it.

NoSquirrels · 11/07/2020 11:16

Stay with your sister?

But honestly, you could go inside to use the loo - your dad would just need to stay upstairs/away from you whilst in the house, and a thorough clean-up, disinfect of taps & surfaces & door handles in the way out.

NotIncandescentWithRage · 11/07/2020 11:16

Why do you have to suggest to your parents that you’ll stay in a b&b? Why can’t you just say “I’ll stay in a b&b your idea is stupid ”?

HelloDulling · 11/07/2020 11:18

You are not being a brat. There is no way on earth I would consider that. The cold water tap/bucket washing would be bad enough, but no way would I be using a temporary loo arrangement. Hotel, or don’t go until they will allow you in the house. I understand their caution, I really do, but there’s just no way.

My DH has gone to see his parents today. First time since Feb. He won’t be allowed in the house, to use the loo or anything else, and won’t be allowed a drink or any food. The DC and I are staying at home.

Ellie56 · 11/07/2020 11:18

If they're the outdoorsy types and wouldn't mind this arrangement, let them stay in the tent and shit in the shed, and you go in the house.

There, sorted it for you, OP. Grin

bettsbattenburg · 11/07/2020 11:18

Why don't you book a hotel?

Mrsjayy · 11/07/2020 11:20

It isn't "Awful the op has said her family are outdoorsy and she isn't so her parents. Think it's perfectly reasonable.it is bonkers but hardly awful

Viviennemary · 11/07/2020 11:21

Absolute madness. If you go stay in a self catering place as they are open now. Or wait till the hotels open. Porta pottyShock

SpringFan · 11/07/2020 11:22

You are not being unreasonable!
I have had loads of emails from Travelodge,Holiday Inn and Booking.com offering cheap hotel stays. My DB has a B&B and welcomes bookings with open arms at the moment and his prices are definately negotiable. .

Witchend · 11/07/2020 11:25

Could you rent a cottage midway between both of you and choose one with 2 bathrooms?
That's what I've done for my parents.

CharityDingle · 11/07/2020 11:25

@NotIncandescentWithRage

Why do you have to suggest to your parents that you’ll stay in a b&b? Why can’t you just say “I’ll stay in a b&b your idea is stupid ”?
Yes, I thought that too. If you decide to go, just tell them, 'I will be there at x time, and I'm staying in a hotel'.

That way you get to see them the following day too, after a night in a decent bed with proper facilities.

NeutrinoWrangler · 11/07/2020 11:26

YANBU to be uncomfortable with their plan. I have nightmares about disgusting public toilets, too, btw, and I'd be annoyed if family tried to get me into primitive living arrangements.

If you can afford it, a cheap hotel or Air BnB seems worth it.

Otherwise, if your parents can't let you in just to use the toilet (with you cleaning it carefully after each visit), I don't think it's fair for them to expect you to live (and poop) in the garden...

Maybe I missed an explanation, but could you stay with your sister, on the couch?

Since you can't hug or behave normally together, anyway, seeing them in person isn't going to be the same until they can relax the rules. Spending more time on FaceTime or zoom seems like a better option, for the time being.

theemmadilemma · 11/07/2020 11:27

No fucking way sorry. I love my Mum, but she would neither want nor expect me to sleep in a tent and use a portaloo in order to see her.

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