to want to kill our lodger?

[PSCMUM]

He is a pig. He leaves socks everywhere. He does not do his own washing up. WE have a cleaner who comes once a week, she cleans while we are out, he comes home before we do, and effectively trashes the place. Pots in the sink, washing on the kitchen floor, (yesterday it was on the dining table!), shoes everywhere, wet towels on the bathroom floor, I just found a glass of wine outside his room with MOULD in it. I came home from work today, walked into my bedroom, to find that he had been using the computer in here (totally fine) but had left his coffee cip and half a plate of steak and kidney pie in here!!! (not ok) am so furious. I had to relly talk myself into nt hurling into his bedroom.

He is so nice though, really nice with the children, really plays with them, chats to them, explains things to them. But I might still have to kill him.

Murder on the kitchen floor.

I can't even get his rent out of him. So I could 'charge' him anything I like. I'm not going to actually see it though.

yes i would get rid asap

Have you tried a star chart?

Seriously, he sounds a nightmare. Get rid.

I have been reading this thread with hilarity but now he is really taking the piss.

You really must talk to him before you kill him

err I don't mean talk to him and then kill him - I mean talk to him before you really lose it and kill him.

Or just kill him

has your dh had a word with him?

YEs, but did you see - I talked to him yesterday!

I have never been so pathetic about something in my whole life. Apart from maybe one boy whn I was about 13.

I think the reason is that I know his family - his mum and his grandmother, and they ring me and say how glad they are that his is lodging with us, and that way he'll keep out of trouble, and he is very good at DIY isn't it, so he can help out that way, and i dOn't know, I know he had a turbulaent childhood and teenage years, and found it hard to settle anywhere, got thrown out of school, ( i can see why) but I feel responsible. it gets right on my fucking nerves SO much as I have lots of other people to look after, but I feel like I can't throw him out, as I am noit completely sure he would be ok. I am not completely sure he wouldn't sleep rough, get into trouble etc. What I would very muich like to do is pack him back off to his Mum. Where he could legimnattely do all the stuff he does to me - but he says he will never go back to Northern Ireland as long as he lives - so its a bit of a non started. I have dropped so many hints to his mum abotu how hard it is to keep him, and how he dosne't contribute, he works / parties very hard, and I worry about him sometimes. She just seems to not want to hear that bit. I worry she is gald to have him off her plate and onto mine.

And for newcomers to this thread, yes, I am talking about a grown man, not a one year old.

I just had to wade in and add my two-pennorth.

Stop being so nice and kick him out.

You shouldn't have to put up with him, and to be honest I have no idea why you still have him in your home.

The fact that he's good with your kids is no excuse. He's a vile, nasty, dirty slob with no consideration for others.

And sorry if I've missed something, but where is your husband in all this?

You can't even get his rent out of him either?!

Please get rid of him before I come and do it for you.

dh has had a word with him anout rent before - his direct debit didn;t come through, and he said it was a banking problem, then a week later he said it was actuall that he just didn;t have the money, so he gave us half the rent, and then dh had a word with him, and got him to pay the outstanding in installments - which he did. But that was last month, and the direct debit has not come trhough again this month. We are comfortable, but not minted - like, we need his rent to pay our mortgage, so I can't really afford to keep on like this. But he thinks we are so rich becasue we own a house in london and where he comes from we could 'buy ten houses'

AAAAAGH

YEs, admit that DH could do more on this one. HE really could. But he too feels it is like shooting a puppy,.

no its like deworming a puppy of a parasite

you are the puppy, he is the parasite

I'm tempted to say 'change the locks' and throw his belongings out into the street.

I'd say you should contact the citizen's advice bureau to find out where you stand legally and exactly what you have to do to get him out.

It's too late for compromise - as your 'chats' show. Just get him out.

This is your home - not a doss house. My guess is he knows he's taking the mickey and will continue to do so for as long as you and your husband allow him to do so.

I kind of don't even need the leagl advice - I know what I am doing, I am being pathetic. I know that I can give him 8 weeks notice, but I know (from the experience of the last people he lived with!) that just by givfing him notice, this does not necessarily get rid of him. He will stay until literally thrown into the street, and that is not something i have the energy to do just now.

get your h to stand over him while he packs up and goes

Oh my God!
I guess you know this is in no way a normal lodger's acceptable baehaviour. But, by comparison, we have a long term friend who was our lodger, now a part time one due to work etc. He used to pay us rent, now pays us with groceries(only her 2 or 3 timesa week, and it suits me, as he actually goes to tescos, so saving me the bus trauma with 2 kids). Anyway, over the 8 or 9 years he's been with us (with a 2 yr gap due to work), he is:

quiet
tidy
washes his dishes up etc
never uses our things without asking
takes me to the the pics sometimes!
always requests a shopping list on his way to our place, I never have to ask
puts up with the kids making early morning racket etc
keeps me company when dh is on late shifts
offered to drive me on a 6 hr round trip (for him) to get me to my mums when I was very pg with flu and v fed up

In fact, he's lovely!

You have my full sympathies.

As they say - it's so easy to dish out advice when it's not you that has to take it.

Still think your husband should get more involved by giving him his marching orders and changing the locks.

RIght.

where does one find a nice post grad lodger?

PSCMUM - you can contact your local uni and ask to speak to someone in the accomodation office. They can put your contact number down on their list of landlords and i suppose you can specify post grad only. I would definately go for post graduate as they study all year round as opposed to just in term time so there is not all this rubbish about retainers etc. Mind you, most of my post grad friends were pretty slobbish too. However would definately expect them to be a bit more respectful, would have thought undergrad would prefer studen accom anyway, then they can live in their pit of filth together. Maybe you could offer a place to a forgein student, IME they tend to be quieter and more studious (ie - never leave their room - lol )

Just read the thread title as lobster not lodger and was marveling at having a pet lobster, reminded me of a very funny episode of the Simpsons.

Get rid of him, if hes not even paying to live there then surely you are paying for him to be there using your water, elec etc HE is costing you money as well as pissing you off. Just tell him enough is enough.

Why on Earth are you putting up with this??? He is not even your child!

[please don't tell me where you live or I will come and shut him myself!)