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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to kill our lodger?

292 replies

PSCMUM · 27/09/2007 21:55

He is a pig. He leaves socks everywhere. He does not do his own washing up. WE have a cleaner who comes once a week, she cleans while we are out, he comes home before we do, and effectively trashes the place. Pots in the sink, washing on the kitchen floor, (yesterday it was on the dining table!), shoes everywhere, wet towels on the bathroom floor, I just found a glass of wine outside his room with MOULD in it. I came home from work today, walked into my bedroom, to find that he had been using the computer in here (totally fine) but had left his coffee cip and half a plate of steak and kidney pie in here!!! (not ok) am so furious. I had to relly talk myself into nt hurling into his bedroom.

He is so nice though, really nice with the children, really plays with them, chats to them, explains things to them. But I might still have to kill him.

Murder on the kitchen floor.

OP posts:
nell12 · 27/09/2007 21:57

You need to set out some house rules and if he does not start to stick to them then he has to go

If only for your sanity's sake!!!

TheArmadillo · 27/09/2007 21:59

ooh tricky one.

Try offering to increase his rent to cover for extra cleaning hours for the cleaner see if that changes it?

Have you got a rental contract drawn up? IF not, get one, if you have got one and it's due up then get a new one drawn up with rules.

Ours isn't that bad, but he has a couple of annoying habits.

Original poster
PSCMUM · 27/09/2007 21:59

but how? I am rubbish at doing things like that. I am carrying out small acts of revenge, Like his washing that was on the dining table (wet) I just put it on his bed HA!

OP posts:
EmsMum · 27/09/2007 22:00

Don't murder him. It really won't help with the mess to add bloodstaints.

LittleBella · 27/09/2007 22:02

LOL

You need to tell him that this can't go on and that he can either pick these things up, or the rent goes up to pay for the labour.

Has he only ever lived with his mother or soemthing?

LittleBella · 27/09/2007 22:02

LOL at Emsmum's practical response

TheArmadillo · 27/09/2007 22:04

Sorry that last post wasn't much help.

YOu need to talk to him. HOw you handle it depends on whether you can afford to get rid of him/find someone else adn how likely he is to get stroppy.

YOu need to point out that this is unacceptable and that his stuff needs to be confined to his room adn not left lying around and his washing up needs to be done on a daily basis.

That's the general rule I have, though our lodger is remarkably precious about his stuff so doesn't leave it around much. We have had others that have though.

Also I would make a rule that if you don't go into his room he doesn't go into yours -if he wants to use the computer he has to get his own or borrow someone elses.

If that doesn't work, could you get one of your kids to 'accidentally' break/destroy some of his stuff left lying about. e.g pee on his washing/spill paint on it or similar

Original poster
PSCMUM · 27/09/2007 22:05

spot on little bella. he has alwyas lived with his mother / slave until he lived with us. Now he thinks I am his mother. I am not though. I am 3 other people's mother. They make less mess than him. They are 8, 4 and 2!
ok, i won't murder him.

what about putting his dirty pots and pans in his bed (my mum's suggestion)?

Also, he leaves everything everywhere. Like he leaves cigarets in his pockets, then puts trousers in the washing machine .so about once a week i have to run the machine empty to get all the fags out. Another time the washing machine would not stop clanking really loudly like there was something seriously metal inside it. It was a vibrator. Not mine. His.

OP posts:
LittleBella · 27/09/2007 22:06

password protect your computer

and yes, breaking his stuff is a good idea

(that sounds so evil but ynwim)

LittleBella · 27/09/2007 22:07

ROFL ROFL LOL at his vibrator!!!!

Original poster
PSCMUM · 27/09/2007 22:07

i really don;t mind him using the computer at all. i just mind him leaving his manky plate of food in my bedroom! i don;t mind sharing at all, space, stuff, clothes, food, whatever. But i really care about mess. Like a SHOUTING amount!

HE also is breaking a lot of things - the towel rail whilst wqe were on holiday myseterisouly came away from the wall, now the mirror in the bathroom is broken in half (but how? I don't know!) and he hasn;t offered to PAY to replace any of this stuff. SO now we are having to pay,,,its getting under y skin1

OP posts:
TheArmadillo · 27/09/2007 22:09

The other thing is do what you would do with a kid. If he leaves stuff lying around including rubbish, half eaten food etc, dump it in a black bag and dump it in his room.

YOu really do need to talk to him over this and properly. Pointing out that it is not acceptable and that you are not prepared to clear up after him. IT is your house and you do lay down the rules.

The more it goes unsaid, the more it will wind you up and the worst the situation will get. I speak from experience, believe me.

LittleBella · 27/09/2007 22:11

Yes, you will end up hating him if you don't say anything

I'm wondering if the broken mirror and towel rack and vibrator are connected... I hope not

Original poster
PSCMUM · 27/09/2007 22:11

i know armadillo, i know you are right. my mum is staring to shout similar things down the phone to me. I am going to ahve to take the bull by the horns.

yes.

I will.

Tomorrow.

OP posts:
KerryMum · 27/09/2007 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheArmadillo · 27/09/2007 22:12

did you ask him to pay though? HE probably was waiting for you to ask, you didn't so he thought he had got away with it.

The thing I had that annoyed me most (and there were worse things, but it really got ot me) was one who would leave a tray full of oil in the oven. I would pull the shelf out and the oil would pour all over the floor and I woudl slip over and then spend ages clearing it up

That and the guy who used to steal our dirty clothes adn wear them

Original poster
PSCMUM · 27/09/2007 22:12

i had not considered the poss connection between towel rack and mirror and vibrator.. where do the pots and pans and the mouldy wine come in though? I mean mouldy as in green foam gorwing out top of glass. this has no place in sex, not even really adventurous kinky sex. its too vile.

OP posts:
Original poster
PSCMUM · 27/09/2007 22:14

yes, he rents a room and shares the rest of the house. but his rent is all inclusive of bills etc, so i am nt sure if he thinks that includes breaking things?? now i am just being a wuss. I am going to do Kerrymum's coffee thing. Thng is, I have tried to haev a word wtih him before - he called me a washing up fascist and left.

Yes, maybe I should ask him to pay for the borken stuff, but that makes me think he is even more of a tosser - if I broke anyones stuff I would be MORTIFIED if I didn't pay up straight away! what is wrong with people?!!!!!

OP posts:
LittleBella · 27/09/2007 22:14

I once sharaed a house with someone who would cut his toenails while watching TV and then leave them there on the floor and sofa

And the ring around the bath...

We got our own back by filling his bottle of blue bols up with milk so tht it looked like fabric conditioner. Tasted quite nice though, and full of calcium.

Original poster
PSCMUM · 27/09/2007 22:15

that is so vile.

heard a story recently about a dh who dries his socks in the microwave before work..

also vile.

OP posts:
TheArmadillo · 27/09/2007 22:16

IF the broken things were a while ago you may have to leave it this time, but make sure he pays if it happens again.

HE may call you a washing up facist, but point out that he is renting a space in your house adn that you need it to be kept to a certain standard, 'for the sake of the children'.

Flibbertyjibbet · 27/09/2007 22:16

Did you have an agreement when you started out? If not then tut tut. And if so, then why doesn't it cover him covering the cost of any damage he causes?
Everyone is right, you need to have a TALK to him but prepare a list of points to discuss with him in advance so that a) you won't forget things and keep running up to his room shouting 'oh and ANOTHER thing!' and b) he will know that you are SERIOUS and the game is up!

Flibbertyjibbet · 27/09/2007 22:17

A washing up facist? The man is living in your house! How dare he!
I would give him notice and advertise for another lodger with whom you will have all expectations and fees agreed - in advance - in writing - with.

Original poster
PSCMUM · 27/09/2007 22:20

no, i am an iodit. no agreement, i jsut thpought , he is nice, i have known him about 3 years, he is cool, intelligent, lovely in fact. I did not factor in that he would be a total knob. But he has done everything you could think of - not payed the rent, broken stuff - but actually, shoudlnt it just be common decency that if you break somehting signifincat in someone elses house you pay for it? I would even if I was visitting someone else's house - and I wouldnt have an agreement with them! But clearly, he is an agreement needer. I am not.
He is rubbish. I am amazing.

This is confirmed to me more and more each day. I though the vibrator was the last straw, but i think it has been beaten by the mould.

Or maybe the threesome - did I mention the threesome?

OP posts:
LittleBella · 27/09/2007 22:21

Explain to him gently that you're not a washing up fascist, he is a mess fascist.

You are not expecting him to clean up after you. Just after himself. He is expecting you to either clean up after him, or live at a level which is generally agreed to be disgusting. Hence, most of the fascism is coming from him.

Is he amenable to rational arguments?

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