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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate snobs with a passion???

150 replies

SneakyBlinder · 09/07/2020 14:05

I was just chatting to my neighbour and she was telling me that her son has a new girlfriend (I’ve known her son for years) she was saying how nice the gf is and how happy he is with her. Then she said “the only downside of course is that she lives in ” (an area about 25 mins from where we live)
I was a bit taken aback by this and said “does it matter? It’s just a house, on a road” and she said “of course it matters...that’s not what I wanted for DS”

Now this has really got my back up. When I had my eldest DD I was given a HA place in a less then popular area of my city. I didn’t care though, it was mine and I was happy. I made it nice. I worked hard, got my degree, worked full time and although things were tight most of the time, me and DD were happy. It didn’t matter what road our house was on....

Am I being naive? Do people really judge other people by where their house happens to be? Regardless of whether the person had any choice in where they were housed?

OP posts:
OneRingToRuleThemAll · 09/07/2020 14:08

I agree with you. I live in a first floor flat on the main road, above a row of shops. I've lost count of the amount of people who say they wouldn't live where I live, and then go on to say they can't afford to buy their own home. The flat with a tiny mortgage that no one wanted and people look down on is good enough for me.

greeeen1223 · 09/07/2020 14:08

I'm with you OP who cares where someone lives. Surely you just want your kids to be happy and if shes a nice girl and her sons happy job done!

GinDaddyRedux · 09/07/2020 14:10

You only have to look at some of the replies on the "Should I buy a big house up North?" to see yep, people do really summarily judge people on where their house is.

As many people already know on here, I live in Surrey. I have been judged for that on here more times than I've been judged for other, far more heinous things!

I think probably the only place I wouldn't get judged for is when I lived in certain "naice" parts of South West London. I'm sure that would have got quite nods of approval from the gatekeepers on here, but I couldn't give a flying shit to be frank.

thepeopleversuswork · 09/07/2020 14:10

It’s horrible and you find it in all walks of life.

Only way to deal with it in my experience is to take deep satisfaction from having triumphed in spite of something rather than because of an accident of your birth.

GinDaddyRedux · 09/07/2020 14:11

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

Your mentality is why you're winning, you'll continue to win, and they'll continue to grumble and get no further.

Original poster
SneakyBlinder · 09/07/2020 14:11

I guess it resonated with me because I used to hear the comments people made about where I lived and it was horrible.
I know everyone is entitled to their own opinions but really? Judging a 19 year old girl because of where her parents live is crazy!
Meh....of all the things to worry about! 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 09/07/2020 14:13

It's just so rude. I hate it too.

My dd has a new boyfriend. They have been friends for a while. He is from a very wealthy business family, well known in a certain RHWOC area .

I don't live in a dump but they are worlds apart. She says his mum is really nice but I'd hate to think she would ever say that about my daughter because we don't live in that area.

Original poster
SneakyBlinder · 09/07/2020 14:16

The whole conversation just made my skin crawl! To think you’re better than someone else because of where your house is!?
I mean we live in a nice area but it’s hardly Regent Street...
I hope a dog shits on her new driveway GrinAngry

OP posts:
TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 09/07/2020 14:16

Haha I know someone who is just like that. She drops "well I am middle class" into almost every conversation as if that actually means anything. She questioned how I'd got an interview at Surrey University once because "that's a proper university" Confused

Nuffaluff · 09/07/2020 14:18

Class prejudice.
The last remaining acceptable form of prejudice.
Completely agree OP.

zingally · 09/07/2020 14:21

Yes, it's rude and silly. It doesn't matter where someone lives, as long as they're nice, decent people.

I've had many friends who have lived in the "rougher" parts of town, and I've had friends who lived in the "smart" areas. It honestly doesn't matter.

People sometimes judge where we live (a smallish flat, overlooking a main road). But for us, it's perfect and just how we want it.

I still know people who live in the big cities who are still living with housemates in their mid-30s. I can't think of anything worse! I'd much rather have the slightly pokey, noisy flat, than sharing my kitchen and lounge with randoms!

AuntyPasta · 09/07/2020 14:22

’well I am middle class" into almost every conversation’

I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone who is MC say that they are MC - it’s a very un-MC thing to do!

shartsi · 09/07/2020 14:23

I hate snobs who pretend to be wealthy. My ex friend earned about 15k a year, lived with her DH and son in a single bedroom in her parents council flat. But my, she would put on airs and graces, looked down on me for not painting my own house with Farrow and Ball paint, planned a hen weekend in Las Vegas all the while borrowing money from everybody , when I suggested tax free childcare she told me she wouldn't qualify as she earns above 100k. She works in a school part time, so not true.

derxa · 09/07/2020 14:25

Am I being naive? Do people really judge other people by where their house happens to be? Regardless of whether the person had any choice in where they were housed? Oh come off it. People make 'judgements' about other people all the time whether they're fair or not. They just don't always voice them in the nasty way this woman did.

YabbaDabbaHooooo · 09/07/2020 14:25

I know a couple (In their 60s now with 40s age kids) who started off in council accommodation, for many many years, and finally managed to buy their council house around the year 2000ish (so not that long ago!)

There's a new estate being built round here, with X amount of houses going to be Council. Well. She has been crowing on FB about not wanting to live near "that sort" and how the "scum" will all be criminals and druggies. I'm honestly at a loss. I've written out a fair few scathing reminders then backed out of posting them, but it's no secret that she's ex-council estate, and it's a small village, so I'm sure other people are probably laughing at her sheer nerve.
Some people just have shockingly short memories.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 09/07/2020 14:26

@AuntyPasta

’well I am middle class" into almost every conversation’

I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone who is MC say that they are MC - it’s a very un-MC thing to do!

Exactly! It's so odd.
user1493413286 · 09/07/2020 14:26

It’s often people who are a bit insecure about where they came from who are like that; my grandma was an awful snob about people who came from the same place as her just because she’d managed to move to a “nicer” area.
I judge people based on whether they’re nice people.

senua · 09/07/2020 14:28

If you are not a snob why did you move from the "less than popular area of my city" to your current "nice area"?

AuntyPasta · 09/07/2020 14:29

When my parents last moved house they sold privately. The buyer knocked on the door to make inquiries because they’d taken it off the market. She told my mother it had ‘always been her dream’ to live in X (a very ordinary house in a very ordinary area where about two thirds of the homes, including my parents, were less than 10 years old.) My mother still finds it bizarre.

People are odd

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/07/2020 14:30

Presumably you live in a nice area now? Of its your neighbour who was complaining about where this girl comes from?

Iamthewombat · 09/07/2020 14:31

she would put on airs and graces, looked down on me for not painting my own house with Farrow and Ball paint, planned a hen weekend in Las Vegas all the while borrowing money from everybody , when I suggested tax free childcare she told me she wouldn't qualify as she earns above 100k. She works in a school part time, so not true.

How do you keep a straight face? I’d be saying, “open the Bolly, then” every time I went to her house.

ARoseInHarlem · 09/07/2020 14:31

Only somebody who cares about these things would make judgements about them.

Your neighbour must have a pretty uninteresting life to care enough about her DC’s girlfriend’s parents’ house’s location to remark on it to her NDN.

ILoveTotoro · 09/07/2020 14:35

I agree op I hate snobs so much

Ori37 · 09/07/2020 14:36

@GinDaddyRedux

As many people already know on here, I live in Surrey.

Good Lord, you must be rich and a snob then!!!! And you must vote Tory!!!

(I also live in Surrey!)

It's amazing how many people judge you when you tell them you live in one of the most affluent counties in the Country - notwithstanding that there are pockets of social deprivation there too. I guess I'm coming at it from this angle - I hate it when people assume I'm well-off because of where I live. It really irritates me...…….

ILoveTotoro · 09/07/2020 14:37

@shartsi

I hate snobs who pretend to be wealthy. My ex friend earned about 15k a year, lived with her DH and son in a single bedroom in her parents council flat. But my, she would put on airs and graces, looked down on me for not painting my own house with Farrow and Ball paint, planned a hen weekend in Las Vegas all the while borrowing money from everybody , when I suggested tax free childcare she told me she wouldn't qualify as she earns above 100k. She works in a school part time, so not true.
This is actually hilarious 🤣

I know exactly the type you mean I get so embarrassed for them Blush