To hate snobs with a passion???

[SneakyBlinder]

I was just chatting to my neighbour and she was telling me that her son has a new girlfriend (I’ve known her son for years) she was saying how nice the gf is and how happy he is with her. Then she said “the only downside of course is that she lives in ” (an area about 25 mins from where we live)
I was a bit taken aback by this and said “does it matter? It’s just a house, on a road” and she said “of course it matters...that’s not what I wanted for DS”

Now this has really got my back up. When I had my eldest DD I was given a HA place in a less then popular area of my city. I didn’t care though, it was mine and I was happy. I made it nice. I worked hard, got my degree, worked full time and although things were tight most of the time, me and DD were happy. It didn’t matter what road our house was on....

Am I being naive? Do people really judge other people by where their house happens to be? Regardless of whether the person had any choice in where they were housed?

[attillathenun]

Yes, it's rude and silly. It doesn't matter where someone lives, as long as they're nice, decent people - this!!

We live on a new estate and the developer bought a field next to it to continue building and announced it would be housing association properties. The amount of people on our estate who complained about not wanting to live near HA/council houses was unbelievable (quote our next door neighbour “I bought here because I wanted to be far away from those kinds of people”). As I kindly reminded them, despite what they thought not everyone who lives in a HA or council house is a peasant and should thank themselves lucky they were able to buy a house.

[Northernsoullover]

I judge all the time and I admit I can be snobby too. I just don't let on in real life. At least I'm honest 🤷‍♂️.
My good friend is the worst. She lives on an estate which has a bad reputation and no one has worse things to say about it than her. She lives there though. She experiences the anti social behaviour. She experiences the children being bullied by others. We all judge whether we like it or not.

[bloodywhitecat]

My mum wouldn't visit me because I lived in a housing association house even though she would often come to the area to visit my sister. The best bit? Both my sister and my mum lived in ex-council houses.

[CoalTitCafe]

I think actually YABU with the faux surprise. Class is deeply entrenched in British society, I don't know where you've been if you genuinely haven't noticed that.

[Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches]

I agree. What’s the point?

[Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches]

Of snobbery I mean

[Plsnomorepeppapig]

Mumsnet is swarming with snobs. Rude ones at that. I was recently told on a thread regarding baby names that my daughters name (she’s 9) is spelt incorrectly (it isn’t, it’s a variant of the most common spelling and nothing overly unusual) and that it is indicative of my social economic background and that I can’t spell. To be honest, I’ve felt like shit since and now wonder if that’s what everyone in real life thinks. I should have known better than to give an innocence comment on an innocent thread. The judgy snobs are lurking everywhere ready to pounce.
If there’s one thing in life I can’t stand, it’s people that think they’re better than other people.

[Macncheeseballs]

Yanbu, and there are loads of them on mumsnet

[ConstanceSalinger]

It hard to pick out the real meaning behind some snobbery. We have to accept that some areas and housing estates are just not pleasant places to live or bring up a family. Its not to say that every person who lives there is a scum bag! Or even that scum bags don't live in naice estates in Shropshire.

You should see the thread about moving to Sheffield!!!! I can imagine the million pound property owners in Rotherham and Barnsley agahst at their area being blanket described as a shit hole!!

[ViciousJackdaw]

I live in a first floor flat on the main road...The flat with a tiny mortgage that no one wanted and people look down on is good enough for me

Surely everyone has to look UP to you!

I live in a 2 up, 2 down, with a downstairs bathroom extension
I'm pretty sure people look down their noses at me for it but I'm the one who's mortgage free and at liberty to do anything I like. If you have freedom, you are richer than the Queen.

[Plsnomorepeppapig]

@Macncheeseballs

Yanbu, and there are loads of them on mumsnet

Yes. I think it’s because they feel safe airing their venomous views from behind the safety of their screens.

[Livpool]

I hate this too.

Me and DH bought our house a couple of years ago in not the nicest area. We used to rent in what people probably think were nicer areas.

I love it though - it is ours (mortgaged but well...), our neighbours are lovely and DS has got into an infant school less than 10 minutes walk away.

Then again - I am from a 'rough' area so maybe everyone is looking down at me 🤷🏼‍♀️

[SneakyBlinder]

@senua because my eldest DD dad left us after cheating on me and abusing me for years. Then I met my OH and he wanted to buy a house near where his business is.
So he chose this village. It made absolutely no difference to me.

[MsEllany]

What an odd response.

It is of course true that deprived areas exist and that you’ll find some of the less salubrious types. However if she’s a ‘nice girl’ then clearly she’s either overcome or not been party to it.

I know I’m looked down on by my family who live in very naice areas of Herts and Bucks whereas I’m in the NW in a deprived area.

[1ForAllnAllFor1]

So here is a way to interpret this to help you recover:

I think she is insecure about other people judging her by her class.. she probably doesn’t feel as up there as she wants to be and is surrounded by people who judge by area.. she feels judged and insecure and is taking it out on a poor girl..

She was hoping her son would make her proud by showing the world that he is made of diamonds and sneers at everyone beneath him just like her, but he turned out to be normal so she can’t get him to fit in to the crowd she hangs around.


She just inserts it in the conversation because she wants to show you and everyone who would listen that she is from that upper class and she dissociates herself form that low class girls background.... because she doesn’t want to receive the same type of bullying she imagines everyone else is thinking of...


You are a normal human but her circle of friends are sneery and she seems keen to fit in a crowd that makes her insecure.

So it’s not u and it’s not the girl. This is all about this woman and her circle of influence

Very sad for her really because she unknowingly will lose her relationship with her son if she dumps her issues on his girl

[Lightswitches]

OP can you explain what made your area "less than popular"?

[MsEllany]

@Livpool you undoubtedly live in the same city as me - people are so snobby aren’t they? “Definitely avoid north Liverpool” and all that crap.

[MsEllany]

Come on @Lightswitches - it’s completely different for an adult to make a decision to move to a better area than to judge a person who has no choice because they’re living with parents.

[mrsBtheparker]

I also find inverted snobbery just as obnoxious, I have been pilloried for having no idea who various 'celebrities' are, nor caring, yet if I ask if they've heard of someone like Mikhail Baryshnikov I'm the snob because it isn't 'egalitarian' knowledge!

[AuntyPasta]

I think most people do judge places When I’ve looked at areas to buy or rent a home in, I do ‘the dog walking test.’ Would I be happy to walk a dog around the streets for 15 minutes? Would I feel safe going out with the dog when the dark nights come in the winter? There are areas where the property prices are high but the answer would be no. There are areas that are looked down on because they’re ‘council estates’ that I’d feel totally fine in.

That doesn’t mean I’d judge the people who live in rough areas. I’d sympathise with them because it’s usually a small minority of those living there that cause all the trouble and the majority, who are just getting on with their lives, not only have to put up with the shitty behaviour on a daily basis they’re also judged by people like the OP’s neighbour every time they have to give their address.

[Giggorata]

Well, it is true that some places are a lot nicer to live than others, whether it's because they have loads of trees and greenery or an anti social group of people, or whatever.

And it is probably reflected in the prices.
I took the decision to move further north to a cheaper area to afford a bigger house in a village to bring up my kids in the country with small classes and less dodgy places they could go and get into trouble/drugs/crime/antisocial behaviour. One of them in particular was quite a wild child, and if it wasn’t for that and the skateboarding culture, I dread to think what he would have got into.
(That was a long time ago, I know these things are pretty much everywhere now.)

[Iamthewombat]

As for the snobbery over where somebody lives: you know that it’s massive insecurity, right? It makes them feel better about themselves and their fragile, terrified egos.

They live in X suburb, so they are the right sort of person, whereas anyone who lives in Y can’t be quite as good, so the person who lives in X and has built their entire personality around it (like people who wear Joules clothes and think that makes them a middle class mummy, or people who buy Range Rovers they can’t afford etc etc) has to put Y down in order to avoid confronting their utter lack of anything else that makes them interesting or noteworthy.

I think that your neighbour deserves pity more than anything! I once worked with somebody who lived in Didsbury (Manchester). Every day he would find a reason to mention Didsbury. We used to run a sweep on when he’d do it. How we laughed.

[bluebadgehelp101]

A dislike of an area isn't always snobbery. We are a mixed race family and have to be extremely careful about where we live. We live in a very white part of the country and council estates are notorious for 'putting out' POC. They are generally really horrible too, ridden with crime and anti-social behaviour, so I wouldn't really want any of my dc to go there for a playdate. It's got nothing to do with snobbery.

[MikeUniformMike]

I'm middle class. Always have been. Apparently, I should be ashamed of it.

[Quarantimespringclean]

It works both ways. I’m a psychotherapist and remember being shocked during a module in a (fairly advanced) academic course when a fellow student, already an experienced counsellor in her field, burst out “I’d hate to work with a fucking Posho!’ As if being ‘posh’ somehow meant you never needed mental help or support.