To hate snobs with a passion???

[SneakyBlinder]

I was just chatting to my neighbour and she was telling me that her son has a new girlfriend (I’ve known her son for years) she was saying how nice the gf is and how happy he is with her. Then she said “the only downside of course is that she lives in ” (an area about 25 mins from where we live)
I was a bit taken aback by this and said “does it matter? It’s just a house, on a road” and she said “of course it matters...that’s not what I wanted for DS”

Now this has really got my back up. When I had my eldest DD I was given a HA place in a less then popular area of my city. I didn’t care though, it was mine and I was happy. I made it nice. I worked hard, got my degree, worked full time and although things were tight most of the time, me and DD were happy. It didn’t matter what road our house was on....

Am I being naive? Do people really judge other people by where their house happens to be? Regardless of whether the person had any choice in where they were housed?

Of course, it's wrong, but maybe she's worried about a difference in aspirations? This is unconscious bias in action. We need to treat people by how they actually behave as opposed to how we think they will.

@Lightswitches

Sure. I lived in a first floor flat next to a hostel for young mums. It was seen as ‘undesirable’ because of course, all these young mums were drug addicts, prostitutes and benefit thiefs I was a young mum (18) and I was friends with a lot of the mums there.
The primary school in the area didn’t have a great reputation. Lots of people were trying to move to get their kids in to a different school (my DD wasn’t school age then so didn’t bother me)
The 2 pubs near by had a reputation for being more than lively and quite often there would be a lot of noise outside and the odd bit of fighting.

If you are middle class then yes, you should. You should either be claiming you’re WC or posting self deprecating tweets about your toddler throwing a strop because Ocado substituted your olives #firstworldproblems.

We've actually just put an offer on a house on the edge of two areas. The postal address is actually the "less affluent" area whereas the house was advertised as "naice address" . It really makes no difference to us but we did laugh at how it was advertised.

@senua

If you are not a snob why did you move from the "less than popular area of my city" to your current "nice area"?

That's a daft thing to say. Is no one allowed to move to a more suitable (for their needs, in this case the OP's DH's work) area in case they're considered a snob? Inverted snobbery is just as bad.

When house hunting many years ago, a house in Skegness Close was immediately crossed off the list! (Sorry if anyone lives there!) The artex on the living room walls that had been applied with the bottom of a beer bottle didn't help it!
I couldn't live in the village of Kimberley not far from here, I always think of Victoria Wood saying it, Kim-burr-lee

I hate snobs who pretend to be wealthy.

This every bit as judgemental as the Op's friend! At least she has the excuse of being worried about her son. You just sneered at a so-called friend in a nasty, superior way.

I wouldn’t want to live near noisy pubs or people fighting in the street. I don’t think that’s snobby. I have lived near a pub that had a weekly karaoke night and a very loud sound system. Never. Again.

MrsB Ime everyone gets a kicking on here no matter what you say. Snobbery is often pulled up tho, but inverted snobbery seems to be celebrated. I’ve had some shocking comments, people saying they hope my kids get beaten up etc.

I’m not sure I understand the comments regarding living in Surrey, I thought Surrey was considered posh, or at least very MC. It is to me and I grew up in Chiswick.

People make judgements on what you are going to think depending on where you live. We don’t get invited to peoples houses because they say it’s too small compared to ours, I think they think we’ll judge them or compare them unfavourably. Of course we wouldn’t, it would just be nice to be invited somewhere. It really pisses us off. I think a lot of people only feel comfortable with others who are in a very similar socio economic situation as them.

The postal address is actually the "less affluent" area whereas the house was advertised as "naice address"

Oh the anguish in the North West when Worsley became a part of Salford.
The number of estate agents advertise houses as being Worsley that are Walkden, I'm sure all areas have similar.

Snobbery is rife on MN.

I live in an area that is regularly derided. And yet, everyone in our road knows each other, pulls together during lockdown, we have a street party, the community that has grown around the primary school is so strong, we support our local comprehensive, our young people achieve great things in terms of community initiatives.

There is some bloody poster who every time this neighbourhood is mentioned says 'oh yes, I saw an old mattress abandoned in the street near there, the front gardens are ill-kempt, move to Sutton'.

I grew up on a council estate, when I went to university many cut ties with me because apparently that meant I was now a snob (this was before I had even gone, and I only mentioned it in passing once). I am sure a lot of people think the way she does but just don't say it. Not that it makes it right, but I don't think it makes her a snob. Even between council estates there used to be well this one is better, that ones rough don't want to mingle with them, neither were any better off than the others.

Of course, it's wrong, but maybe she's worried about a difference in aspirations? This is unconscious bias in action. We need to treat people by how they actually behave as opposed to how we think they will.

You hit the nail on the head.

Actually this thread reminds me.

I grew up in London, near parliament. In a council house. My husband grew up in a council house but his parents made a fortune when he was 10 and they bought that council house and many other houses. And lived abroad.

When me and him married, We studied at the same university, had similar aspirations and so on.

she couldn’t stop mentioning however how he rescued me... and obsessively would ask me about an area which my great maternal grandmother lived in... whixh is meant to be quite poor..

I was baffled by how many times she implied that I come from a impoverished family.

My father is quite well off.. my mother ended up in a council flat after an ugly divorce and needing to build herself up but that’s not even important because so did mil..

But anyway... my grandad is wealthy.. and everyone else aside from my greatgrandmother has never lived in that town..

I’m fact I loved that town so much.. because of the heritage it brought our family but I couldn’t see my mil obsession with it.

I even once mentioned where I was born and she was adamant that I’m making it up and that I’m
Born in that town.. which I have no issue with but ... felt the need to keep an honest record !

Eventually I found out that mil was born in a very poor area in a 3rd world country, which she was very very ashamed of because she was bullied as a child, and she was trying to project her insecurity on me and really needing me to be insecure so that she can feel superior.

The issue is totally with the person usually..

I still tell her how much I love my great grandmothers home town.. and how I don’t give a toss what she thinks. But that factually, I wasn’t born there. Though I’d be proud if I was!

@MikeUniformMike

I'm middle class. Always have been. Apparently, I should be ashamed of it.

Being middle class is nothing to be ashamed of (ugh hate people labelling themselves a class) however, rudeness and looking down on people is.

You just sneered at a so-called friend in a nasty, superior way.

Should the PP who posted about the friend who pretended to earn £100k working part time in a school, and who criticised the PP for not using Farrow and Ball paint, have gone along with the pretence and celebrated her friend’s odd behaviour?

Sutton? As in Sutton in the SE? It was a few years ago now but that’s a place that definitely failed the dog walking test.

@Quarantimespringclean

It works both ways. I’m a psychotherapist and remember being shocked during a module in a (fairly advanced) academic course when a fellow student, already an experienced counsellor in her field, burst out “I’d hate to work with a fucking Posho!’ As if being ‘posh’ somehow meant you never needed mental help or support.

Haha true actually. I’ve always sounded “posh” and have had the mickey taken out of me because of it. I’ve often been self conscious because of it.

The number of estate agents advertise houses as being Worsley that are Walkden, I'm sure all areas have similar.

Estate agents used to describe houses in Acton as ‘Chiswick borders’. It’s totally ridiculous because everyone knew it was bloody Acton. I worked with someone who said they lived in Chiswick borders. I was never sure if she was taking the piss or really believed it made a difference.

Being a snob works both ways. I was once in a conversation where a group of very successful doctors were totally and utterly being awful about people from "private schools" I think the exact expression was thick, upper class twits - they make crap doctors whereas we -who all came from state schools are far more intelligent than a kid from a private school.

@Macncheeseballs

Yanbu, and there are loads of them on mumsnet

True and there appear to be fucking loads of them on this thread, with their fake surprise and stupid disingenuous fake questions.

Yes people do judge based on post code. In my opinion they also judge very much on - accent, what school you went to, whether you have a degree.

People talk down to me because of my Yorkshire accent because for some reason southerners think we're all thick farmers

Not saying farmers are thick btw.

Not so sure … most of us are snobbish about something. I really don’t care about money (fortunately, as I haven’t much!) and actively dislike ostentatious displays of it - I’d much rather live in a small house/flat that I think looks tasteful than some of the flashy ones that cost millions. I wouldn’t judge someone whose clothes were tatty (within limits!)– but I’d judge someone whose clothes were tacky. I do notice how people speak, and write and spell, and what they call their children.

About how people speak ... I actively like northern accents. I really don't like "rough" (sorry) southern accents.

I took great delight once when someone at work was talking about a spate of break ins happening in her area. She made a comment along the lines of 'no doubt they were from X' to which I turned round and told her that I was born and raised in 'X' as I knew that she wouldn't have expected it that as she had that mentality that people from there were 'rough' and wouldn't have a decent job in a bank.