To have another baby to please dh

[berryford]

So we already have 2 daughters who currently share a room 2 and 4 and I have a teenage son who has his own room (3 bed house) so we really don't have the space, plus we only have a small car and a relatively small lounge with a corner unit that just seats us all nicely, we also have a small dining table that really only seats 4 and an extra chair at a squeeze.
Dh would like a son of his own and has been begging and pleading with me but I don't want to, I have just got my body back to pre pregnancy after nearly 3 years.

I have told him how I feel but he gets upset and says he wants to try one last time for a boy as it means so much to him.

I just feel I'm done with having children and want to focus on the ones I've got, I'm also a SAHM so I would be the one looking after them and of course it could be another girl which I wouldn't mind but dh would be disappointed.

I know having another baby is the wrong choice for me and the only reason to is because he wants to so much and I am guilt ridden.

He seems to think we would manage, move, he'd work more hours and get a bigger car and every time I say no he gets so down and says it's his only chance to have a son and at 36 it is for me.

I just feel like if I don't he'll resent me forever and I will have to live with the guilt/regret.

[RedRumTheHorse]

Just "No".

There is no reason in 2020 to have a sex preference unless it is for medical reasons.

[RedRumTheHorse]

@Sunshineandflipflops my girl toddler has no dolls. She has very little interest in her soft toys. She prefers her toys if they are cars, transport-related or balls.

[2bazookas]

What makes it ridiculous is his insistence on needing a son "of his own". . Would he want to abort a third girl, would he ever be able to conceal from you or her that she was a disappointment, would he want you to keep on getting pregnant until you produced a son?

those are the REAL ISSUES here. He has to answer to them.

He's giving all his attention to
side issues he imagines he can change, like car, bedroom, house. That's pure distraction. The real issue is that no matter how hard he works no amount of effort or money can guarantee a son.

[NeedAUsernameGenerator]

He needs to stop pleading and give you some space. I was desperate for a 3rd child for several years before my DH came round to the idea but I knew he had to be keen on it for it to work. I mentioned it occasionally in a low-pressure way so that he knew I still wanted to but he also knew it was up to him.

[ddl1]

Trying for a son is not a good reason to insist on your having another child (especially as, however participant your dh is, he isn't the one who will have to go through pregnancy and childbirth!) As others have said, if you have a third daughter she may grow up feeling like inferior goods, and a son might grow up either over-indulged or horribly pressurized. It might also create more than the usual amount of jealousy and insecurity in your older children: your daughters and, perhaps even more, your son, who is by implication being considered by your husband as not fully part of the family because he isn't the biological father. Only have another child if and when you want to!

[whattimeisitrightnow]

I read somewhere that it's the father's sperm that determines the gender.
Is it not common knowledge that the sex of a baby is determined by the sperm???

[whattimeisitrightnow]

Sorry, that was supposed to be bolded.

[LillianBland]

I really hope his pathetic pleading has not been overheard by your son. I can only imagine the damage that would do to the relationship between them. As far as your son would be concerned he couldn’t be making it any plainer that he doesn’t consider himself a father to his stepson.

[Higgeldypiggeldy35]

Absolutely not. I don't think some men appreciate how difficult having a child is on a woman's body. I didn't appreciate it before I had my son. My body is forever changed, it's a huge undertaking and then 20 years of supporting another person. You already have a big family. Stock to your guns. You'll only resent him when you spend the next 5 years trying to get your body back again not to mention the potential permanent changes. I wish men could carry babies too !!

[squeekums]

I have an only
DP would love for us to try for a boy and our 2nd
I tell him this shop is closed. If he want another, advance science so men gestate
No way is him wanting a boy enough of a reason for me to risk my body and mental well being.
I really struggled with newborn, toddler stages and hated the whole pregnancy, birth process and feel so lucky nothing went even slightly wrong. Not risking my luck

You shouldnt have a baby just to please him. Its a disaster idea on all fronts

Its cliche but Your body, Your choice

[ememem84]

Dh has said it wouldn’t be the end of the world for him if we had a third. For me it would be. So I’ve said if he wants to have an op which allows him to carry a child and then give birth be my guest. But I’m not being pregnant again.

[squeekums]

Why does he think having a boy would be any different to having a girl? The only thing a boy can do that a girl can’t is wee standing up

shewee.com.au/#:~:text=Shewee%20is%20the%20Fantastic%20travel,standing%20without%20removing%20ANY%20clothing.

[squeekums]

@ememem84

Dh has said it wouldn’t be the end of the world for him if we had a third. For me it would be. So I’ve said if he wants to have an op which allows him to carry a child and then give birth be my guest. But I’m not being pregnant again.

yeah and notice how they aint so keen to jump on that ship fast lol

[bluetongue]

Even without the boy child issue it’s a bad idea. You already have two children sharing a room and it sounds like money is fairly tight.

Besides, three children is more than enough for anyone. Focus on the children you have.

[berryford]

He wants a boy to play football with and go to matches, he looks at all the baby clothes for boys and imagines a little him and yes he says to carry on the family name.

He loves the girls to bits, never had a preference before but recently he's decided a son of his own would complete him and he's already picked out a name!
and yes I've had the argument about it not necessarily being a boy anyway and he says it doesn't matter he's willing to take that chance and he'd be happy with the 3 regardless but he'd secretly envy every man who had a son but love a girl if that's what he got.

It's every bit about wanting a boy though he doesn't deny that.
My son is very close to his own Dad and considers him his best mate and I think he wants that with a son of his own, not that they are even guaranteed to get along.
He also throws the " you've got a son, I'll never have that" which is a shame because he gets on great with my son but I secretly think he's jealous of his relationship with his real Dad because they are like 2 peas in a pod.

[Quartz2208]

@berryford

but there is no chance even if he does have a son that is who he will get. DH is very sporty but DS just isnt. No interest in football at all. Neither do some of his friends


He needs to grow up bringing a baby into that level of expectation isnt healthy at all

[Alexandernevermind]

Tell him you aren't a baby production machine. Tell him enjoying a game of football isn't exclusive to or guaranteed with males. Tell him if he wants a best mate to get a dog.

[1forAll74]

He is being unreasonable, and I am quite surprised to hear that a man is desperate to have another baby, it's usually a woman's issue,in longing to have another child. It's your choice not to have another child,and you have to stay with that decision I would say.

[CodenameVillanelle]

He's attempting to coerce you into pregnancy and raising another child you don't want. Is that the action of a good person?

[GabsAlot]

hed envy other men with a boy-its pathetic really

all boys dont want o go to matches and play sport my friends son hates sport is into drama and art-

hes sexist its 202 ffs

[GabsAlot]

2020*

[thepeopleversuswork]

You shouldn't give in just to please him but you should have a proper discussion about it and take his feelings and reasonings into consideration, as anyone would hope their partner to do if the tables were turned

Why should she take into consideration the feelings and reasonings of someone who has specified he only wants a baby of one sex? There's so much wrong with this I don't know where to start but off the top of my head a) its grotesquely sexist b) it's hardly a dead cert that they're going to have a boy so implies they will have to keep going until they do and c) he is prioritising the needs of an as yet unconceived child over those of his wife and existing children.

And that's without getting into the question of his emotional blackmail of the OP for not doing what he wants. When its her who is going to have to carry, give birth to and probably raise the child. I couldn't remain in a marriage with a man like this, personally.

[Sunshineandflipflops]

He wants a boy to play football with and go to matches, he looks at all the baby clothes for boys and imagines a little him and yes he says to carry on the family name.

My previous point exactly. Will he be disappointed if you had a son who didn't like football, or any sport? If he was born with a disability which prevented him playing sport? Why can't he take your daughters to the football? My exh never took our son to the football or played with him as he just wasn't interested. He did take our daughter though and she loved it.

[Asuitablecat]

We have one of each. Dh finds our son a complete mystery and I'm not convinced their relationship will survive the teenage years. He gets on much better with Dd.

[PAND0RA]

Don’t have any more children with him.

Your husband is an idiot and I’m not sure he’s such a great father If he has such strict and old fashioned ideas about what boys and girls can do.